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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Parenting

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Shimmysmom

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 11:24 am

do u also find it hard?
I find it so difficult to actually feel on a daily basis like I am accomplishing what I set out to accomplish as a mother. I mostly just feel like a cook/cleaning lady/ chauffer/nurse. . . it is hard to feel like I am being "mechanech" my kids/ making a real impact.

su7kids

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 12:26 pm

I'm a mom of 7 grown kids (my baby is 14) and I think I did the best that I could, and that's all that's really expected of us.

Keep on Jewish music (when you can) and practice speaking nicely to your kids, etc. And just love yourself through it.

Most kids learn by EXAMPLE, not so much by lecturing to them. Make them feel wanted and loved and accepted while you go along with your daily chores, don't talk badly to them, etc, and you'll be achieving a LOT.

Don't let them think that frumkeit is a drag and you'll be giving them a good example.

Just do the best you can and don't beat yourself up about it, cos then it will have a negative effect on YOU and thereby, on them.

Love yourself through the stress, and love your kids through it, too.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 1:17 pm

Unfort, I remember that my mother was always in a good mood if she had gotten a lot done that day. She would say, "I accomplished so much today!" - and would go on to list that she'd bought this and that, done the laundry, cleaned ten rooms for pesach, checked off 7 other things on her list, etc.

She NEVER referred to having taught her kids something Jewish/educational/moral etc as having accomplished something. And on the contrary - I dont remember her actions teaching us proper behavior.

Point being - make sure you know the difference between what is a real accomplishment and what is running a household.

chen

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 2:32 pm

It sure does feel at times as if your children are items in your china cabinet that you spend all your time polishing and keeping clean.

BUT: you are teaching just by being and by doing. One day your ds or dd will say "I did thus-and-so because ________________ (fill in something of your philosophy that you always say)" and you will mentally do a little dance: "they were listening! It did sink in!" Or the lady in the bakery will tell you "You must have such nachas from your ds, when he comes in here he's so polite", or you'll be on a train and ds will get up and give an older person his seat w/o your prompting.

It's a lot like being on a diet: you cannot see on any given day what effect your actions had. You just have to go on believing that you are doing the right thing. eventually everything you do adds up and you see results. The main thing is not to be deterred because every day doesn't feel like a good day.

Nachisdoll

Mon, Aug 21 2006, 2:30 pm

su7kids tanx! that was real nice what u said! Thanx
my husband always says u gotta do ur best either way "we each screw up our kids in our own special way" theres a god in the world that we need to rely on (of course we gotta do our job...the rest is up to him!)

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