HOW CAN THE KIDS HELP?

613

Thu, Feb 17 2005, 4:30 pm

1stimer wrote:

children are not our slaves, and while they should help out within the house within reason, we cannot expect them to be parents to younger kids, cleaners etc.

I always felt bad for some of my friends who were the oldest in their large families and they seemed to be "the mommy". of course, it may have been voluntarily, but didn't seem like it. (boy, was I the spoiled "baby" of my family, but I definitely had household responsiblities)

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Feb 17 2005, 4:51 pm

It is very easy to give some of your responsibilities to older kids.
No, they're not our slaves, but we're not their slaves eithern.
There has to be a balance.

The book "the Love is not enough" by Swartz (I highly reccomend it) describes a girl who didn't want to get married, b/c she already 'raised' a family, so she didn't feel like she wants to do it again. B'H, some skillful modification of the mother's behavior helped her change her mind.

Yael

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 3:49 pm

I've thought of some more ways my 2 1/2 yr old helps out:
he sorts socks before they are matched in piles of aba, ima, and kids.
it helps me with matching! though I have to remind him which pile is who's.
then when they are all matched he puts them in each respective drawer.

also as I cut vegies on a cutting board he puts them in the pot for me. though I have to make sure to do my cutting away from his little fingers.
he mixes stuff I am cooking. like scrambled eggs, or soup.

also when I come home from food shopping I bring all the bags to front hallway and he shleps them one by one to the kitchen, where he hands me each item and I sit on a stool and put it away. some things like dry goods I point to the right shelf and he puts it away, on the lowest shelf. this is a huge help for me since by the time I come home I'm usually exhausted.
then when the groceries are put away, I sit and relax while he picks up all the bags and stuffs them into the bag holder. B"H for my little helper!!!!!
the best part is that not only is he helping and having a great time, he's also kept busy for a while and I dont have to worry about him making trouble while I'm not watching!!

Rochel Leah

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 5:53 pm

Its great that everyone has great helpers here...my son is nowhere near being able to help--he''l ge there soon iy'h. but I think it is very important ot make a balance,because we shouldnt burn our kids out-- they are still kids and need someone helping them...personally my hubby hardly changes dipaers because he started changing at 6/7 years old---he is sick of it and I dont blame him. ( don't worry-- if I am not home, he will change them ).

Tefila

Wed, Mar 02 2005, 5:57 pm

Quote:

Basically once aday each of my kids has a job that needs to get done but takes no longer then 20 min.

Firstly I only call it slavery if one child does it and the other ones take it easy!
And again remember how much time a kid has in aday and how much spare time they have! 20 minutes in my opinion once aday is not overworking or torturing our kids...... pleeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!

Pearl

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 4:22 am

my kids are not slaves, and I don't get the impression that any of the children of any of the mothers who posted on this thread can be seen as slaves.
1stimer, I don't know if you have children, and if so, how old they are, but young children love to help out in the house! when puberty hits the household, all inhabitants of the house are already used to helping out, which is very important for the sense of independency on the one hand and of being part of a larger whole on the other hand.
calling that slavery is offending!
my husband learned to cook from his mother as he loved spending time with her, helping prepare shabbos. we, and many guests, benefit from this today!!!
I try not to let the girls do stuff they absolutely hate, but they have to help, and they love doing it, and it doesn't take more than 20 minutes a day!

micki

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 8:22 am

is it slavery if they beg you to do it?
what can I do to help is a big question in our house.

my 3 yr old mops the bathroom floor and then the 4 yr old fights him for the chance to do the kitchen. by mop I mean taking the swiffer with a wet floor wip attached. they do a great job on the touch ups obviosly it gets done proper too- but erev shabbos this system works great.
I let my 4 yr old dust on erev shabbos too- I give her a grab it glove scented with orange and you should see how devoted she is to dusting places I can't reach anymore!!! she doesn't tire till she is done!!
my 6 yr old puts on the shabbos tablecloths with the help of someone for the plastic one, and she puts out all the candles etc... she is so good at dividing up the candles so eah kid has 2 to put out.

my 2 yr old is amazing at sorting out toys- on his own he'll put the legos in the basket, then the little people etc... he even gets angry if someone spilled out the basket he just cleaned!!!

they sweep- ok maybe not perfet but htey love it!!
everyone can put away groceries and laundry- I think the trick is not to expect the job done perfectly and then you can appreciate it more.

I helped out in my house alot- and I would like to see my kids have the same enthusiasm for helping in our house.

Rochel Leah

Thu, Mar 03 2005, 10:29 am

Micki, I am sure you helped alot because you were naturalyl inclined and because you got encouragement---I helped alot at home too, but as I see in some homes, kids dont help because they dont get the right encouragemmnet or they get taken "advantage" of. if the mother justs sits on the couch and reads and orders hers kids to do things...I would think they would be alittle resentful. I always helped because I saw my mom working hard nad I wanted to relieve her of some things.

raizy

Tue, Mar 15 2005, 10:40 pm

my kids also love shabbos so they help me cleaning up the toys. bringing all the food and cutlery into the dining room before we eat. I dont set up the table before my hubby comes home from shul. bc I have a 2.5 yr old who loves to play with the becher and cutlery and everything is a shambles bye the time my hubby comes home. does anyone else have this problem. Question

Yael

Tue, Mar 15 2005, 10:59 pm

I just taught my 2.5 yr old to fold shmattes. he gets such pride out of doing it right with all the corners matching.
he messed up a little on one of them and gave it a look and said no, not good, and did it again. it was soo cute! Very Happy