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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Little girls and Tznius
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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 12 2006, 10:16 pm
Quote:
And as my mother says, "Start as you mean to go on."

Thumbs Up
I like that line.
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su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 2:26 am
my oldest is now married, and she was born in Jerusalem, so when she turned 3, I told her "Yerushalmies wear tights, and so will you" and that set a tone in our house.

It wasn't easy because her friends were wearing socks. I told her that I don't actually care what her friends do, this is what we do. She did protest quite a bit, and then when she got older she asked about wearing knee highs. I told her when she can behave in a way that someone would not be able to tell if she's wearing knee highs or tights, she can wear knee highs.

Now, I'm proud to say that she and her sisters are very makpid on tznius and they make a strong effort, themselves, without being forced, now that they're older.

I remember Rav Ashkenazi in Kfar Chabad saying, many eyars ago, and I can't imagine he's changed, that a girl at the age of 3 has to wear tights if she goes to shul, and if someone has to make a brocha in front of her.

I think I became makpid on long sleeves around 8 or 9, but kept looking for them, younger.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 10:23 am
Age three is for chinuch, not halacha. But you do see many two and two and a half year olds only in dresses and tights.

I def. would not put my kids in a kiddie pool for all to see after that age, however! But people do it.....
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su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 10:44 am
In our family, we swam together until the boys were 9 (they are older). Then it became separate swimming, but I never went to a public swimming place with my kids.

I didn't want to expose THEM to what was there. [even though we sometimes see worse in the streets!]
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miriam




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 10:48 am
I put my daughters in skirts and dresses as soon as they can walk. This way I don't have to wean them later. I am makpid on the sleeves psat the elbow and covering the knee at 3.

In the pool, both girls wore bathing suits and swimming dresses.
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Secbeb




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 11:02 am
My dd is 2.5 and I've been snatching up all the long skirts and long sleeve shirts that are reasonably priced for size 3T. Now that we're in the summer and she is under three I don't make her wear long sleeve shirts because I know how I suffer through the heat myself. I compare this *for myself* to fasting. Why do it when you don't have to? When I was under 12 I wanted to fast so badly that I fasted when I was 11. Looking back. . .why? I have a lifetime ahead of me of fasting - thank G-d for pregnancy and nursing. My dd isn't old enough to decide that she does or doesn't want to be tznius - she lifts the most tznius dress above her head to show the world her belly button. . .I instruct her that it isn't modest but she does it anyways. When she turns three, starts lighting shabbos candles, and the Rebbe says its time for her to dress betznuah, she will.
Miriam, don't get me wrong. I admire your ability to be so makpid about your daughters' dress. If that's the way you go and can do it comfortably - good for you. I myself am not able to do that and I am preparing myself for her 3rd birthday when she'll G-d willing be a tznius little girl.
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mumsy23




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 11:08 am
Are there any non-lubavitch people who have asked their Rav at what age girls should dress tznius? I konw I will have to ask my Rav when DD is getting close to three but I was just wondering what other sects of Judaism do in terms of tznius with their young daughters.
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miriam




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 11:29 am
Secbeb wrote:
Miriam, don't get me wrong. I admire your ability to be so makpid about your daughters' dress. If that's the way you go and can do it comfortably - good for you. I myself am not able to do that and I am preparing myself for her 3rd birthday when she'll G-d willing be a tznius little girl.


I am not even sure how we decided on this. It just happened. One thing I can not enforce is wearing tights in the summer. It's funny the things we have a hard time with, we don't make our daughters do either.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 1:07 pm
Maybe it would davka help them to encourage them to do the things that are hardest for you!
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 2:06 pm
Dresses or jumpers are easier and more comfrtable than long skirts and a top.
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JMto2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 2:54 pm
My daughter turned 3 erev pesach and I put her in skirts that covers her knees and long sleeves then I allowed her to wear long socks but she insisted on wearing tights so I did not argue I believe that at age 3 a girl understands the basics of tznius and my parents held by 3 a girl should be tznius and all.
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miriam




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 3:31 pm
Actually my girls understand tznius. They talk about it together.
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shopaholic




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 7:44 pm
My 3 year old couldn't care less as long as she is dressed, so I'm happy with my decision. She won't let me roll up her sleeves though & it's sooooo hot here! Next year I'm buying 3/4 sleeve t-shirts!
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timeout




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 13 2006, 7:55 pm
I'm not Lubavitch and my husband said at age 3 we need to start with the skirts but my daughter will not have to wear long sleeves or knee socks till at least 5 when she starts first grade.
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shopaholic




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 14 2006, 11:14 am
I've also noticed that 5 /6 is the norm outside of Lubavitch.
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micki




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 14 2006, 11:50 am
at age 3 we started with skirts knee sock and long sleeves. I buy long sleeve tshirts in the winter then cut the sleeves off so its 3/4. no need to hem!
my now 6 yr old was so tiny at three she was still wearing size 24 months. it was really hard to find her skirts so I ended up sewing htem for her.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 14 2006, 12:00 pm
Wel, Momof3, that's a chassidsiche life style for ya; always doing More!
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jul 16 2006, 4:02 am
mumsy23 wrote:
Are there any non-lubavitch people who have asked their Rav at what age girls should dress tznius? I konw I will have to ask my Rav when DD is getting close to three but I was just wondering what other sects of Judaism do in terms of tznius with their young daughters.


I am not lubavich. I am dati leumi/modren orthodox (depending on which country I am in).

there really is no age at which we start dressing them b'tazanua. maybe kita aleph b/c in school they have to wear skirts and sleaves at least that go to their elbow.

but there is nothing about socks or tights. it is not a must, never has been. unless, again, it is the dress code for school.

but outside of school, they di not have to wear socks.

also, I know that growing up, we were allowed to wear pants untill we wanted to. I stoped early b/c I did not feel comfortable in them, meaning I did not feel tzanua in them. I think that I live in a different type of community than where I grew up in and I would definitely tell me daughters that they could not wear pants at an age that they understood why they would not be allowed to wear them.

but for socks, I never will tell my daughters that they have to wear socks. is there actually a rav that says that socks are mandatory?
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 16 2006, 7:58 am
There are opinions that the legs must be completely covered.

As far as I know, just stam socks with a knee-covering skirt is not necessary according to anyone who holds that the legs don't have to be covered.

(I don't actually know who paskens that the legs don't have to be covered; that information would be nice too.)
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jul 16 2006, 11:37 am
Crayon210 wrote:
There are opinions that the legs must be completely covered.

As far as I know, just stam socks with a knee-covering skirt is not necessary according to anyone who holds that the legs don't have to be covered.

(I don't actually know who paskens that the legs don't have to be covered; that information would be nice too.)


and I am sure that there are opinions that say that legs do not have to be all covered.

I am the above poster (dati leumi lady).
I learned that you have to have your knees covered, ze hoo, when you stand and when you sit.
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