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My kid annoys me

 
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 7:44 pm
My 6 yo son has always been a difficult child, challenging me at every turn. BUT, the main prob for me is that he really annoys me. He has a very intense personality, he is not at all happy-go-lucky. He'll get upset from one second to the next over something that I wouldn't expect to upset him, and go totally berserk. Instead of feeling bad for him I get so annoyed. Sometimes, I just ignore him completely. He'll cry over stupidity and he has a very annoying cry so it just gets on my nerves. My other (younger) son is more happy-go-lucky, and while he isn't the easiest child, he has a very pleasant personality. When he cries over something, it melts my heart because he is so innocent about it. I don't mean to play favoritism and I try my hardest not to. I love both my children equally, but my older son just can be very nagging, and he doesn't like to play on his own, he always needs me to play with him he can be very clingy etc. I feel so bad that I feel this way about him. I don't know what to do . Any suggestions??
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life'sgreat




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:18 pm
Read my response in the other thread. Aside from him going beserk and losing it over nothing (which, have you checked that out btw?), he sounds like a normal 6 year old. Read the rest in the other thread.
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:19 pm
Hey! I just posted about this! I have the same problem!

Here's the thread: http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....18629

All I can do is commiserate. Boy do I know that guilty feeling. Sad I can imagine that with a boy it might even be harder, at least for me it would. I have 2 girls and my younger one is also more happy-go-lucky, while the older is more intense, whiny, kvetchy, screamy, bossy, bratty, etc. She reminds me a bit of her mother Exploding anger ! Maybe that is a key point here... Idea
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:39 pm
OKay, I just read the other thread, seems like almost the identical situation, but with a girl, and my kids are a little older. However, I do not see any real advice there. Spending alone time with him is obviously a great idea, but at the end of the day I am so exhausted from him that I don't feel like letting him stay up a bit later than my other son to play a game with him or something like that. It's like life's great said in the other thread it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Any other advice?
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life'sgreat




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:41 pm
amother wrote:
OKay, I just read the other thread, seems like almost the identical situation, but with a girl, and my kids are a little older. However, I do not see any real advice there. Spending alone time with him is obviously a great idea, but at the end of the day I am so exhausted from him that I don't feel like letting him stay up a bit later than my other son to play a game with him or something like that. It's like life's great said in the other thread it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Any other advice?

I did not mean alone time every night. Start by doing it once. Just take him out once, on your own and just focus on him. See him for who HE is.
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:47 pm
Maybe we can have a group therapy session with you, life'sgreat! LOL (I'm the OP from the other thread.)

I feel like taking her out once in a blue moon (which is all I really have time for) is a good thing, but how does it impact on our day-to-day interaction when I'm so busy and stressed? I do occasionally (sometimes even weekly) take the kids on outings and try to be a good mother & enjoy with them. But I feel like it's a different mode. It's when I have no "kop" for them that it's much harder. And that's practically every minute that I'm home with them.
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life'sgreat




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 8:52 pm
amother wrote:
Maybe we can have a group therapy session with you, life'sgreat! LOL (I'm the OP from the other thread.)

I feel like taking her out once in a blue moon (which is all I really have time for) is a good thing, but how does it impact on our day-to-day interaction when I'm so busy and stressed? I do occasionally (sometimes even weekly) take the kids on outings and try to be a good mother & enjoy with them. But I feel like it's a different mode. It's when I have no "kop" for them that it's much harder. And that's practically every minute that I'm home with them.

I'm just pointing out that I have one (living) son and am not equipped or qualified in any way. It's just that when reading this, it jumped out at me, from both the OP's.

Firstly, taking him/her out even once, and focusing entirely on him/her without a sibling shadowing or demanding, might make you see character traits in this child on their own merit. You might hear stuff you never even knew your child was aware of, knew, or understood. Focusing on that child and having a nice time without the usual afternoon pressures, especially without an 'easier/cuter' sibling around can make you see that child differently.

It can also make the child feel more special, and perhaps a bit less whiny, even if just for that night. You have to start breaking this cycle somewhere. And it's not about taking 'the kids' out, but this one child, alone.
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 10:38 pm
life'sgreat wrote:
amother wrote:
OKay, I just read the other thread, seems like almost the identical situation, but with a girl, and my kids are a little older. However, I do not see any real advice there. Spending alone time with him is obviously a great idea, but at the end of the day I am so exhausted from him that I don't feel like letting him stay up a bit later than my other son to play a game with him or something like that. It's like life's great said in the other thread it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Any other advice?

I did not mean alone time every night. Start by doing it once. Just take him out once, on your own and just focus on him. See him for who HE is.


sorry to say this, but alone time will NOT solve the issue. I have same issues with my 6 year old girl (she is oldest and I have B"H 3 after her. I have taken her alone for icecream and shopping many times and once we get home she turns back to being nagging, stubborn, sensitive and unhapy child again. she wants what she wants and if it doesn't go her way......thats it.....tantrum, crying, screaming. worst part is that she likes to staay up till late and wakes up early which disterbs others who want to sleep. I have not mastered the cure to this issue yet. ANY ONE WITH SOLUTION, WELCOME.
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life'sgreat




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 10:52 pm
amother wrote:
life'sgreat wrote:
amother wrote:
OKay, I just read the other thread, seems like almost the identical situation, but with a girl, and my kids are a little older. However, I do not see any real advice there. Spending alone time with him is obviously a great idea, but at the end of the day I am so exhausted from him that I don't feel like letting him stay up a bit later than my other son to play a game with him or something like that. It's like life's great said in the other thread it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Any other advice?

I did not mean alone time every night. Start by doing it once. Just take him out once, on your own and just focus on him. See him for who HE is.


sorry to say this, but alone time will NOT solve the issue. I have same issues with my 6 year old girl (she is oldest and I have B"H 3 after her. I have taken her alone for icecream and shopping many times and once we get home she turns back to being nagging, stubborn, sensitive and unhapy child again. she wants what she wants and if it doesn't go her way......thats it.....tantrum, crying, screaming. worst part is that she likes to staay up till late and wakes up early which disterbs others who want to sleep. I have not mastered the cure to this issue yet. ANY ONE WITH SOLUTION, WELCOME.

That is not what I was referring to at all. I didn't say that the child will magically stop tantruming, become tougher, or nag less. I said simply that spending alone time and focusing on that child, without the cuter/smaller/easier child overshadowing this child, as well as taking time to get to know this child for who s/he is, can help mom try to get out of the vicious cycle SHE is currently in with the child.
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 11:09 pm
my dd is sensory, always moving, uncomfortable, touches everything, breaks things, loses things, is annoying, doesn't accept limits, sees things as a fight, has anxieties, has a hard time falling asleep, keeps asking me at night if I love her and whether I'll stay up until after I fall asleep, etc. Not ch"v complaining, just looking for some advice.

I asked my pediatrician for an rx to test her for pandas, but she threw a fit when I took her for the blood test and she's too big to actually drag in!

My ds takes vitamins for sensory issues for which I have seen some improvement B"H but dd who needs it, cannot take it as she 'hates' the taste and refuses it.

She's never hungry, always "STARVING!"

etc, but I try to guide her and work with her
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zigi




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 11:12 pm
spend alone time with him doing something that you both like doing. going out for pizza, bowling, a museum etc, my son was making me crazy. we went somewhere out of the house together I noticed that I related to him better, he stopped whining so much and we needed a break from the negative cycle.

then I can look at him with new eyes. I can realize that this is the way he is. he can kvetch over stupid things. I can allow it to drive me crazy or take a breath and say this is the way he is. he is a lot like me. dd is also hard to deal with. my other kids are easier compared.

if they tantrum if they don't get their way ignore. its hard I know I love to go take a shower if I just had enough and I'm sick and tired about the whining and everything else. I tell them if you whine you are not getting anything if you throw a major tantrum you are going to your room to calm down. they realize that they are not going to push my buttons.
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amother






Post  Sun, Aug 29 2010, 11:25 pm
I have one very difficult child as well. She's 5 and my oldest girl. I changed my schedule so that I do my weekly shopping after dh comes home and I started taking just her along. Problem? My other kids were very jealous so we now take turns. Which sort of defeats the purpose of giving her extra special time. So I started picking her up for lunch occasionally from school and go out just with her--a sandwich, donut, whatever. It takes less than 1/2 hour and she felt like a million dollars.

She's still hard at home. One thing I've begun to worry about is the way she treats her younger sisters--she bosses them and orders them around very forcefully, she thinks she's their mother-the other day I overheard her tell my 2 1/2 yr. old dd that if she won't stop chewing loudly, she'll take her plate away. I think her behavior is causing sel-esteem issues in my next one who cowers from her most of the time. On the other hand, the next one is gorgeous, cute, etc. and I think dd #1 knows that even if we NEVER say it near her, so she hates her sister. Oy, it's a vicious cycle. Ideas are appreciated.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 30 2010, 11:33 am
It was always hard for me, too. My kids are in their 20's, and last night I just up and QUIT.

All I can say is, it's important for the kids for you to be pleasant - and that it's easier said than done.
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amother






Post  Mon, Aug 30 2010, 11:45 am
It's important to like your kids so it's important to raise them to be likeable human beings. See Sara Channa Ridcliffe, Delicate Balance.
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amother






Post  Mon, Aug 30 2010, 4:36 pm
op here,
I like the idea of taking him out of school for lunch but does the school even allow that? My son is in yeshiva and I don't think they would allow me to take him out for lunch.
His new thing now is when he gets angry at me he screams I HATE YOU! He's done this in public a few times and it's mortifying.
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amother






Post  Mon, Aug 30 2010, 5:17 pm
New amother here. I just gotta say this feels on some level good to hear that I am not the only one. My son is 6, and he does the same stuff, like when he is angry at me he will scream I hate you! Overall, he is a nice kid, he is very sweet, and kind, and very smart. But when it comes to listening or accepting a no, its a nightmare, its like there is always a power struggle. In some way I think its the age group where these kids are learning their power as people, and maybe we just dont know how to handle it right? But there are days when he listens beautifly, and then there are those days where I am at a loss. So at least I am not alone in this. I am just tired, and when I see his true essense come through, I wish it would stay.
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sneakermom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Aug 30 2010, 9:23 pm
I can totally relate to this thread. My oldest daughter is an adorable and beautiful girl...very talented too. But she makes me nervous many times. And it bothers me a lot. For example, she can eat sloppily no matter how many times I try to correct her, it simply turns me off to see her with a dirty mouth after eating. She isn't a small kid by the way. Or the fact that she can never find anything she is looking for, and that she can make a piece of artwork that is so so abstract that she is the only person on the earth that sees it's beauty and function but she can't fathom that others don't see what she does. I can go on and on.

So I really get you. And because I love her I worry about this a lot and I know it's an issue. I do try to spend time with her alone. I try to focus on her good stuff and I also find that when I take time to do things for myself I am much more easy going with her.

But the fact is we are very different personalities. And that is the issue. Nobody said parenting is simple or that we are always great parents. But if we are smart we parent with both our eyes wide open so we can see what is going on as it happens and correct it as we go along.

So I guess what I'm saying is cut yourself some slack. Your normal - sometimes our kids make us nervous. That's life. Do things for yourself....it makes it easier to see things positively. And spending time alone with the child in a fun setting definitely helps too. One more thing....I realized that part of the reason I was so frustrated was I needed to set more limits and stop being pushed into doing things I didn't want to do. That helped too.

Good luck! And enjoy your kid when you can and how you can. LOL
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