taking in a high school boarder- advice please.

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Taking in a high school boarder- advice please.

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micki

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 12:11 am

we are debating taking a boarder in next year (or 2) to help pay the cost of building our attic.

how much do boarders normally pay?
any advice pro or cons?
what did you struggle with- any rules that I won't think of that I need to know?
thanks

TzenaRena

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 12:28 am

Boarders can be complicated. We had one, a really lovely girl. But issues can come up. That seems to be the rule rather than the exception.

miriam

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 2:09 am

From what I have heard it's not a great idea, unless they are related to you. Privacy is a major issue. You won't really have your house to yourself. It's good money but not worth the issues.

MMEC123

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 9:08 am

It totally depends on a lot of factors. I have been a boarder and my parents have had boarders. In both of my boarding homes (over 4 years) & with my parents' 2 boarders, everything worked out very nicely. As far as how much you can charge- it really depends where you live and what the going rate is. (As a side point, I firmly believe if someone is taking a boarder "only for the money", don't do it. Kids who board need a home that can love them and care for them.)

Some factors to consider:

-living set up (regarding privacy for you and the boarder): are they on your main floor sharing your bathroom? do they have their own bathroom? do they live on a different floor? all these make a difference

-expectations: make sure to be very clear about what you expect out of your boarder. are you looking for a live-in, free babysitter (if yes, make sure she knows that before you take her)? how much help around the house do you expect? remember, just in any relationship there has to be communication. if you don't tell your boarder what you expect, don't expect it to happen (and don't be upset at the boarder if it doesn't)

-realize with a high schooler, they are not all that independent. they will need rides to school events, to the library perhaps for homework, to friends' houses sometimes.

I can't think of anything else right now but there are lots of things to consider. If you have any specific questions feel free to PM me or post them here.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 9:20 am

having one border doesn't pay for one reason your food bill becomes bigger. we had a border and we recieve 500 a month and I have to say that I used it mostly on food. for us we were not planing to make money it was just what we had to do.

also if she/he is on the same floor u loose total privacy. u need only to talk in your room. even mikvah becomes a problem b/c u will have to prepare there. unless u already do that.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 9:48 am

I would only take in a Female border .

LisaS

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:00 am

MMEC123 awesome advice!!!

I was also a boarder in high school and agree with everything you said. I had a very good experience and that is beacuse the family treated me like a daughter. They wanted me there to keep their daughter company. They weren't looking for money, they weren't doing anyone favors, rather they truly wanted me there. If I had been older then I would have wanted more privacy than parents.

Finding the right boarder is like making a shidduch. Lots of luck to you. It can be a very rewarding experience if everyone is considerate to each other.

10 years ago we paid 300/month if that is of any help.

southernbubby

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:01 am

Hi Micki,
there is a whole thread on this site about boarders but I have seen some difficult situations come up. For example, if you are expected to serve her full meals or snacks, you won't be able to stay out all day and come home and do grilled cheese, and your kids will want the same expensive snacks. I guess these things could be settled before hand.
Ask yourself:
1)Are you willing to let her invite friends or stay out with her friends till late at night?
2)Can she use your computer, washing machine, long distance phone line or car?
3) What are you going to do to her if she spreads some private matter of yours all over her high school?
4)Does her mother expect your house to be continually spotless?
5)If she does not feel well, are you expected to take her to the doctor or stay home all day with her?
6)Will getting her to and from school and other activities add to your car pool duties?
7)If you do let her invite friends to study, are you obligated to feed them?
8)Are you obligated to keep track of her whereabouts. For example, if she decides to get in trouble, will her parents consider you responsible?

micki

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:06 am

the whole point is, that we would use the money from boarders to pay for their living space.

our attic floor is huge and I was going to build 2 bedrooms plus a big "cental" room with couches bookshelves etcc plus a bathroom up there.

I would have them be up there so it would be comfy with no meeting in the bathroom! there is even a way down that they never have to be ont he 2nd floor. (a back staircase that leads to the first floor)

while I am doing it for money I also know that I will be surrogate mom to these girls.

I would prob make a rule that after 9 they have to be on their floor- if they want to come down they have to call or knock.

privacy? I have none already. my door is always open and the one time we did lock it cause we went to bed earlier, I got 2 phone calls from neighbors wanting to know where I was at 9:30 last night, they both came over (at differnt times) cause they needed something!
so privacy- I really have none already.

Pickle Lady

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:07 am

southernbubby wrote:

WOW!!!!!!

Thats more than just a boarder. You become a babysitter for a teenager.

chen

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:34 am

Pickle Lady wrote:

Thats more than just a boarder. You become a babysitter for a teenager.

You become much more than a babysitter: you become a surrogate parent. It's a big job.

micki

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 10:47 am

wow- I hope I know what I am getting into!

Quote:

1)Are you willing to let her invite friends or stay out with her friends till late at night?

no- there is a 10 pm curefew- she is 15.

2)Can she use your computer, washing machine, long distance phone line or car?

with permission, yes, we have unlimited long distance and NO!!!!

3) What are you going to do to her if she spreads some private matter of yours all over her high school?

scream? Wink

4)Does her mother expect your house to be continually spotless?

no. her own home is quite a mess

5)If she does not feel well, are you expected to take her to the doctor or stay home all day with her?

I'll drive her to doctor, its just down the block, stay home- heck no. she is 15! but I am home most of the day anyway!

6)Will getting her to and from school and other activities add to your car pool duties?

yes, but the principal who has no one else to board her told me she will do anyhting school related. walking to /fro school and to friends she goes herslf. if its too far then we'll drive.

7)If you do let her invite friends to study, are you obligated to feed them?

I suppose if they want a bag of chips its ok- I will not cook gourmet meals!

8)Are you obligated to keep track of her whereabouts. For example, if she decides to get in trouble, will her parents consider you responsible?

yes I will have to keep track of her- but there is not much to get in trouble with here where I live. I hope
Confused

as to grill cheese- if I need I will make up ahead of time. there will always be SOMETHING to eat between 5-6. even if its macaroni n cheese because me and my kids have to eat too!

MMEC123

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 12:39 pm

I think grilled cheese every once in a while is fine. She (presumably) grew up in a normal house like yours where some dinners are fancier than others. As long as she's fed and satisfied, don't feel like you have to do anything extreme!

mumsy23

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 12:44 pm

I think a very important rule is if you have girls, to only have a girl border. You do not want a boy border in your house with daughters.

ny21

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 1:13 pm

I agree with Mumsy 23 100 percent .
meah achuz

chedva

Tue, Aug 08 2006, 8:36 pm

There is a post that I read about a girl who was molested by a male student who boarded at their house. I would be weary...

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 09 2006, 7:55 pm

I would only have a male boarder if I had sons, and a female if I had daughters. If I had both, no way unless they're cousins.

momof6

Wed, Aug 09 2006, 8:24 pm

We had one boarder it went very well. 4 girls were impossible. 1 again for 4 yrs. I loved it !. My oldest is a boy so we are taking in boys. Enjoy Very Happy

Make sure are all the rules are clear ahead of time. I would also suggest she gets her own phone line or cell. Unless you live in Antarctica there's trouble to get into.

realeez

Wed, Aug 09 2006, 8:43 pm

micki, did you get my PM about this?

happymom

Sun, Aug 13 2006, 5:30 pm

Quote:

expectations: make sure to be very clear about what you expect out of your boarder. are you looking for a live-in, free babysitter (if yes, make sure she knows that before you take her)? how much help around the house do you expect? remember, just in any relationship there has to be communication. if you don't tell your boarder what you expect, don't expect it to happen (and don't be upset at the boarder if it doesn't)

I think its importnat to realize that the reason a boarder would be boarding would be to go to school. NOT to have a new mother and NOT to be the helper or babysitter!!! Boarders pay to live in someone home, and imo shoumld not be taken advantage of. if babysitting is done frequently, the border should be paid. and jobs should not be expected too much. I was a boarder and it wanst a very nice feeling to be treated like the maid or babysitter.

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