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Forum -> Parenting our children
What Parents should never do
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 12:22 am
If you want to get back to what parents should never do, I remember that my parents were big worriers. Any little illness sent them running with us to the doctor. I remember being very nervous that any little ache or pain was a terrible disease (chas v'sholem) both when I was a child and when I was raising children. I admit to getting too nervous when the grandchildren have had little viruses. So, do what I day and not what I do. Most minor bugs go away on their own and just need to be treated with slurpees.
Also, do not bug kids to loose weight. I was underweight but my dh was chubby and his parents nagged and he resisted. Just keep the junk out of the house unless they need slurpees to treat a virus. Take walks with them and take them swimming. If they are afraid of deep water, do not make an issue out of this. Let them practice with floaties.
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healthymama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 12:33 am
don't ignore your child's needs to fit in with her peers. Don't dress them strangely, for example, or forbid them from having sleepovers until they're bas mitzvah.
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BeershevaBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 1:02 am
Apologize to your kids if the situation warrants it.

I remember once, before I had remarried, I came home from a long day of work, an even longer bus ride and I was exhausted and irritable. I walk through the door and the house looked like a hurricane hit it. And I lost it. Started yelling at the kids. When I realized what I sounded like and that they didn't deserve half of what I was dishing out to them, I stopped mid-rant. I turned around, walked out the door and came back in. Smiled, hugged my kids and told them they had 1/2 hour to clean things up.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 1:04 am
Please dont ever call your children names. My mother used to always call me stupid or an idiot. To this day it really hurts. Also please don't disregard your child's time. My father (even now) would make a time with me to do something and keep me waiting for an hour or more!! It sends the message that everyone else is more important than you. Crying
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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 3:10 pm
Quote:
sorry GR about mixing this in to your thread Confused

as long as it was worth it Wink
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 09 2006, 9:51 pm
Quote:
I remember that my parents were big worriers. Any little illness sent them running with us to the doctor. I remember being very nervous that any little ache or pain was a terrible disease (chas v'sholem) both when I was a child and when I was raising children. I admit to getting too nervous when the grandchildren have had little viruses


Yes my parents did that too Tongue Out their philosophy was better safe then sorry rather go to the Dr for nothing then c"v for something.
I don't have a problem with that except sometimes it got abit too much Confused
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Annie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2006, 8:59 pm
assume their children will have the same issues they did.

for example (and I'm cognizant of this so I try not to get involved) -- I had horrible friendships/friends in grade school and was constantly teased. I never really had any "good" friends. I have to watch myself to not obsess with my daughter (7)'s social life. Is she getting invited out enough? How come no one wants to play here? Does she have good classmates, etc?

here's another one -- don't put your children on diets, especially the starvation type. when I was 12 my mom put me on a 600 calorie a day diet. that's one of many. This could be a "DO' -- Do teach your children healthy eating and healthy habits. DH and I are overweight, but we exercise with our children and have healthy (mostly) dinners. Our children know what healthy food is and what is "junk." We do let them have some junk, in moderation and for a good reason, not just they're bored and we have it around.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2006, 9:52 am
Annie wrote:
when I was 12 my mom put me on a 600 calorie a day diet.


oy!!! shock
I hope it wasn't too long!
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2006, 10:46 am
dont reprimand them in public. (dont embarass them...)
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Coke Slurpee




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2006, 1:26 pm
Quote:
never disagree with dh in front of kids. parents who have a united front and respect each other have children with healthier self esteem


I don't agree with this. Parents can disagree in a respectful way - without ruining a child's self esteem. I would even say the opposite that it would be important for a child to see that you can disagree and still respect and love each other. If a child sees that his parents disagree with each other, can talk through a problem in a civilized manner then it sends the kid a strong message.

I tell my kids all the time they don't have to agree with what we say - they can tell us that in a respectful way without yelling and screaming- and we consider their reasons. If we feel it's valid we will agree and if not then we tell them I'm sorry you don't like, agree etc., but you have to listen, do etc. anyways.

I don't think self esteem is affected in anyway with disagreeing.
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Annie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2006, 6:02 pm
I think it's different to disagree with each other in front of the children about something rather than disagreeing with each other about the children. The old mommy says no more treats, child goes crying to daddy and daddy says "okay, here you go." That inconsistency is not good for children, and it teaches them to manipulate the situation.

I assumed that's what the previous poster was referring to.
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micki




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2006, 8:16 pm
respect what they are doing as important too.
you want them to go to bed, they are playing with blocks. don't just sweep them up, but tell them you have 2 min to finish playing htem we are going up.

playing with blocks is important too!
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Coke Slurpee




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 24 2006, 11:02 am
Quote:
I think it's different to disagree with each other in front of the children about something rather than disagreeing with each other about the children. The old mommy says no more treats, child goes crying to daddy and daddy says "okay, here you go." That inconsistency is not good for children, and it teaches them to manipulate the situation.


Sorry, Your'e right I misunderstood her - I definitely agree with that.
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pinktichel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 25 2006, 8:04 am
Always be available for them when they get home from school.
Don't be on the phone, computer, etc. Make sure they know your available to LISTEN and encourage them to tell you about their day!
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