In a slump, help me out! ATT: ADDers

amother

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 5:07 am

I'm a SAHM with 5 rowdy sons and a disabled DH. I also have ADD. Yeah, life is fun.
My house is always messy and disorganized. Last week I worked really hard cleaning a and organizing the bedrooms and clothes- outgrown, winter, summer, which are in garbage bags all around the upstairs waiting for me to be finished so I can label them and put them away in storage. On thursday night I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone. I was there until motzei shabbos. My kids and dh were home alone with some guests who helped out with the little ones and stuff. I don't need to tell you I came home to a mess. I accomplished next to nothing, folded some laundry and put it away, sewed one ripped pocket, took care of the little kids who missed me so much while I was gone. Now I'm just staring at all the mess and fell like crying. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I have to cook. I have to clean every room.
I know my first step has to be just pick something and start. Whether its the dishes, the bathrooms or the floors, and just keep going.

I think typing this out was helpful in itself. Thanks for listening.

amother

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:07 am

Mommy F thanks for posting. No help here, but, I think I'll manage. I usually do. Wink

Sorry, meant to write:

amother wrote:

Yesterday I accomplished next to nothing, folded some laundry and put it away, sewed one ripped pocket, took care of the little kids who missed me so much while I was gone.

Today I did accomplish a few things so far, even though I got a late start. I picked up most of the stuff on the kitchen floor, which for some reason included folded towels Confused

Unfortunately I discovered that no vegetables were harmed in the making of shabbos and so I have a bunch of wilting veggies in the fridge. Today I am making stir fry and hopefully some muffins or cake from the zuchinnis and carrots.

Sherri

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 7:23 am

I am sorry, amother.

Can you first pick just one room- either the kitchen or your bedroom, whichever's neatness will make you feel better, and just concentrate on cleaning that room so that you will feel a bit better as you continue to wage the battle?

Good luck.

mommy4

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 8:59 am

amother wrote:

Mommy F thanks for posting. No help here, but, I think I'll manage. I usually do. Wink

Sorry, meant to write:

amother wrote:

Yesterday I accomplished next to nothing, folded some laundry and put it away, sewed one ripped pocket, took care of the little kids who missed me so much while I was gone.

Today I did accomplish a few things so far, even though I got a late start. I picked up most of the stuff on the kitchen floor, which for some reason included folded towels Confused

You sound like you have a very good attitude! I'm really impressed. It seems so hard and you're taking it in stride. Wow! Hatzlacha with all the work!

sneakermom

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 9:17 am

Oy. I understand you so well. I'm add the distracted type. I can't tell you how stuck I sometimes feel, always cleaning but never...feeling like it's done.

But flylady does help a lot for people that have issues focusing. First of all she makes it into little baby step accomplishments. So that's doable for people like us. And it's not an all or nothing approach. So I totally would recommend that!

One method she describes is going from room to room in the morning, ten minutes a room, and doing a surface cleaning.....it really works.

But if you could get cleaning help that could make a big difference. Heck we can't all be good at everything. So focus on some things you do well....and let dirt be dirt.

Good luck...and I really understand.

mammele26

Mon, Nov 08 2010, 12:51 pm

I HIGHLY recommend 'Hakol B'seder'! It's a book (in English) and a program on the phone. I'm benefiting greatly from the book. (I don't really do the program on the phone.) I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON. I happen to be a good 'balabusta', but was missing certain concepts and tricks... The great thing about 'hakol b'seder' is that even if you don't feel well for a day or more, or have any other interruptions keeping the house, you are right back on track where you need to be as soon as you're back on your feet.
http://www.hakolbeseder.org/book.php
Hotline: 718-303-4386

amother

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 3:16 pm

chanamiriam wrote:

vyvanse

Being overwhelmed because I spent 2 days in the hospital means I need medication? Okaay.
And you couldn't even bother to respond with a normal post. Nice.
For all of you that showed some caring - thank you. For those who offered practical suggestions, thanks too for writing them in whole posts. I can't afford a book right now, but that looks interesting mammele.

gryp

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 3:42 pm

I get distracted easily too. One tip that's helped me a lot is to set aside a certain amount of time to do a job. Let's say you have too many dirty dishes to count, tell yourself you'll only work on them for 10 minutes. Or if your entire house looks like a hurricane hit, decide to spend 5 minutes in each room, and plan the order you'll be going to them in.
You'll be surprised at how much you can get done in just 10 or 20 minutes!

The only other thing that helps me is to invite guests over. embarrassed

I can clean really fast knowing someone else is going to see my place in such condition.

amother

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 3:44 pm

Being in the hospital can throw anyone off.

Don't take this personally (because, to be honest, people with ADD are much more sensitive and tend to take things personally), but, have you considered birth control?

PinkFridge

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 3:45 pm

There's a yahoogroup called JewishFlyBabies, a Jewish answer to Flylady, both drawing on the original slob sisters, Pam and Peggy. (You're probably too young to remember the Sidetracked Home Executive books, etc.; actually I only know them because my mother was into it, sort of. Very sort of.)

amother

Wed, Nov 10 2010, 1:55 am

amother wrote:

Part of my husband's disability is lower body paralysis and constant pain. We use abstinence. Your post, especially as amother, was completely irrelevant and inappropriate, and yes, hurtful. Where did I say that I have a baby or how old my kids are? My kids could be 17- 5 YO. I could be menopausal. What a stupid post.

GR, thanks for the tip. I do that all the time, in fact just did it first thing this morning!

SingALong

Sat, Nov 13 2010, 11:23 pm

I find it easier to focus if I just stick to organizing one room at a time, even if it takes a week!!!! (I'm in middle of master bedroom, doing closet, draws, nightstand, everything, I'm actually starting on my 3rd week but its looking good.)

I also won't spend all day on it, just an hour or so here or there so I won't get discouraged or overwhelmed. most of the day is spent doing the daily things, work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever.

so say in MBR one day I did 3 draws, sat on a stool and had a garbage can and garbage bag nearby, sorted what to keep, throw out, or give away. I organized what I am keeping into bins/drawere organizers back into the draw.

master closet, took days sorting through clothing figuring what to keep, throw out give away. again I keep the grabage and a bag near me, to throw stuff went to the garbage, give away stuff into a garbage bag. it took a few days. also if life gets overwhelming, I just don't do organizing that day and stick to the household tasks that MUST get done like supper and laundry.

hope you are feeling better, take one thing at a time, you'll get there!

amother

Sat, Nov 13 2010, 11:45 pm

wow! if I were in your shoes I would be completely exhausted and overwhelmed. How old are your kids? Assuming they are above 3, they MUST learn to start helping out. This is not fair to you. Perhaps making chores part of their responsibilty may help with the rowdiness. I am a teacher with 20 rowdy 5-6 year olds. I always have them help me wiht ever aspect of cleaning up the room. I find it helps them learn responsibility and frankly they seems to enjoy being able to participate in grown up tasks.

It's not fair that you came home to a house that was a mess after you had just cleaned the whole house out. I really wish I had advice to make it so much easier for you. You really are an amazing woman for doing what you do! I wish you the best of luck!

Rubber Ducky

Sat, Nov 13 2010, 11:48 pm

I also focus on one room at a time, so at least someplace in our home looks put together. When I feel especially ambitious I try to extend the neatness to a second room. Right now the dining room looks great!