I feel horrible! | Imamother

amother

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 4:05 am

my baby is 15 weeks kah and he usually sleeps from when I put him down (about 9-10) untill about 6, if he does wake up then its at about 3.
so last night I dident think twice about going to a wedding once I had put him down and leaving him with my husband.
of course I has my cell phone with me, but it was in my bag and I checked it a couple times while I was dancing, at about 12.30 I see I have 7 missed called I call home my husband is going crazy, the baby is screaming and screaming histerical for 45 min and he couldnt get hold of me he called all my friends cells and my mother.
I rushed home but my poor baby could barely cry anymore he had no strenth I feel like the worst mother in the world!! I feel so bad the poor little thing just wanted his mommy but she wasent coming!
my poor husband aws well he was going crazy cuz he couldent do anything for this poor child!
of course I fed him right away and he wasent even sucking very hard he didnt have strenth from all the crying.
any way I feel soooooo terrible I dont know what to do!

shalhevet

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 4:15 am

I would stop feeling so guilty. You obviously had no idea he would wake up, and wouldn't have left him if you'd have thought for a minute all this would have happened. Every mother makes mistakes and babies grow up emotionally healthy if you make the right decisions most of the time.

Another time I would take into consideration that a baby, certainly up to 6 months, is unpredictable, and they always seem to wake up just when you're sure they won't Very Happy

. Another time either take the baby with or leave a bottle of pumped milk.

ButterflyGarden

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 6:42 am

I agree. You didn't do anything wrong. Just tell your husband that your sorry it happened and that you love him and give your baby some extra kisses. Everything will be ok.

shoy18

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 6:57 am

I know I may sound weird, but why is there nothing your husband could do to make him stop crying? hes the father and I really dont think its fare that if a wife goes out and the baby is screaming he has no means to help the baby, he isnt the babysitter.

I understand if its just this time and he just couldnt get her/him to stop. On a more general note make sure your hub can give a bottle (pumped for the nursing ones) or a walk in the stroller or something so its not like dh is the babysitter.

ButterflyGarden

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 7:28 am

Shoy is right. If DH feels helpless when baby cries, give him a list of thing you usually do to calm the baby. I did this for my DH and it worked well. Now he does not even need it anymore, he just knows what to do.

MommyLuv

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 11:21 am

I know what you feel like...I've had that happen sometimes, (just not when my baby was that age.)

Sometimes there is no substitute for Mom and her milk...that's the way it is.
Maybe next time you can take your baby along so that you're there when she needs you...4 months is still kinda young. I brought my baby to weddings and Bar mitzvas til a year old and it was a breeze.

amother

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 2:14 pm

Try not to feel guilty about what happened. We all misjudge sitautions from time to time and then we grow from them!

If you plan on leaving your baby with your dh, he must have a way to feed the baby! You may want to start pumping a bit and getting your baby used to a bottle. It's not fair to the baby and to your husband to leave without a means of eating! Personally, I give my baby a bottle of formula every now and then. That way, my dh or mom can give her a bottle if necessary. I know I won't be in a situation that she will not be able to eat if an outing does not work out as planned!

JMto2

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 2:41 pm

You should not feel bad at all. But I would recommend that if your baby is nursing exclusively get him used to a bottle in such cases. This way your baby will be able to get fed without you having to be there.

nicole81

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 2:45 pm

I agree that #1, you need to leave milk for the baby. If he doesn't take a bottle, there are other ways of feeding him. And #2, your husband needs to learn how to soothe the baby. He just as much a parent as you are and should not be bothering you to come home early when you get a night out.

amother

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 4:52 pm

op here you are all so right! I really made a big mistake and I have learned my lesson , its my first baby so I guess I dont really know!
I have never expressed before I dont know how to manualy and I dont have a pump but untill I have expressed and put in the freezer or something that darling baby will not be left alone at night!
as far as my dh is conserned there isent much he can do really as when the baby wakes up at night after not been fed like his regular 2-3hours apart hes going to be really hungry and nothing besids food will calm him! I dont know what he tryed to do but he was in bed sleeping already so it could be that he should have got up to sort the baby out properly instead of staying in bed with him, oh well whats done is done and nothing I can do about it now, (besids feel so gulity every time I think about it still!)
so thank you all for your comments so far!

mummy-bh

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 5:07 pm

If pumping doesn't work (and it never did for me!), there is another option. Take your baby with you.

I know a lot of people think I'm totally crazy, but I cannot relax unless I know my babies will be okay should they wake and I'm not there. Babies up to 9-10 months come to weddings or other occasions, I have even been known to bring a very clingy 18month old to a wedding. I really wanted to go, she really did not want me to leave her, so she came with.

A lot of people think I'm nuts for this attitude, but bringing the baby with means that I will be relaxed and not worried about them all the time.

MommyLuv

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 6:24 pm

mummy-bh wrote:

Same here. When people see me WITHOUT my baby they get confused....they're like where's your daughter? LOL

Crayon210

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 6:29 pm

Why are people so hard on the husband? He couldn't do anything because he couldn't give the baby what he needed--breastmilk. Why is he a bad father for not being able to breastfeed?

And I disagree that an exclusively nursing mother is entitled to a night out without the baby--if she's the only one providing him/her with sustenance, then she's made a commitment to feed that baby NO MATTER WHAT. No matter who's getting married or leaving for another country or starring in the school play.

Pumping or bringing the baby are two good options (though I think it's only fair to ask about bringing the baby to a simcha beforehand), or the mother can stay home/go out for very short intervals.

amother, we all make mistakes (especially with the first!), and the baby survives and forgets and loves you and you survive and forget and love yourself in a bit too.

Try not to waste your energy feeling guilty; 15-week-olds can be a handful! You need your strength!

mimsy7420

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 6:55 pm

I think it's way too loud to bring babies to simchas these days. I never understand it. I can barely hear myself think these days at weddings, so much more so the poor baby.

Unless you can bring a girl to babysit, while you go into the room with loud music.

Boys"R"Us

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 7:16 pm

I have one other suggestion that could work for you...

I have 5 kids, and between one and another of them, I keep my cell phone basically in my hand, at all times. If I know I will hear the phone, I keep it in my pocket. If I am somewhere noisy, I keep it in my hand (it vibrates). My friends sometimes laugh at me that I am attached to the cell phone! But just this year alone, I received 3 calls from the school about one of the kids being sick or injured. If I hadn't had the phone in my hand, they wouldn't have been able to reach me.
So, if you are going to be somehere not far from home, that is something to consider. I am able to relax more knowing that I am reachable.

HTH,

shoy18

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 8:21 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

Why are people so hard on the husband? He couldn't do anything because he couldn't give the baby what he needed--breastmilk. Why is he a bad father for not being able to breastfeed?

no one is being hard on him, it wasnt his fault, however, every husband should be able to soothe or feed their child!

Pickle Lady

Wed, Aug 30 2006, 8:50 pm

shoy18 wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

Why are people so hard on the husband? He couldn't do anything because he couldn't give the baby what he needed--breastmilk. Why is he a bad father for not being able to breastfeed?

no one is being hard on him, it wasnt his fault, however, every husband should be able to soothe or feed their child!

hmmm I am confused...why should the father be able to comfort the baby with food if he doesn't have breasts to nurse.