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I am so depressed about my daughter :(
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:19 am
My daughter wil be turning three in feb. and the deadline here is Jan. My daughters friends (5) all went up to the next grade. She is now still in daycare and she is so sad. There is only one girl that is her age, she was born a month after her. All the other kids are seven months to a year younger than her, and one baby that is a year old.

When I took her today she was so miserable and didn't stop crying. She was all alone with a boy that is a 1 1/2 years old and a 1 year old. The girl her age was still sleeping and her husband wasn't going to be bringing her in not for another hour and half. Crying I feel so bad for her. I tried for two months to push her up to the next grade to be with all her friends but no luck from this govt. She is capable of going up. She is toilet trained, speaks very well, dances, sings. (They did the same to my other daughter which the one right underneath her was seven months different and is special ed. She was so miserable all year that I couldn't do nothing about it. She missed the deadline by two months and the principle didn't let me put her one year up when even her teacher said there is no reason to keep her down since she was smarter than the rest and way to old. She didn't stop crying but I didn't know what to do she didn't want to stay home either and since I gave birth I was sleeping all the time and she was miserable at home.) Why can't they see from child to child were they belong and not from age? It is not fair!!!

They also refused to even evaluate her which makes me even more mad. Why should a child suffer because of a corrupted govt.?
There is no other school to send her to this is the only school here.
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:41 am
I have a dd born 11th Teves [cut off is end of Kislev as Supermom said]. Today she has started 5th grade. Just know that afterwards you won't be sorry; now it really doesn't make a difference that she had to wait another year. In fact those who are older often find it much easier once they start school, even if they are very bright. Look, the cut off point has to be somewhere Smile . If they made it Feb, then what about those born in March - there's no end to it.

It sounds to me like her gan is not suitable. Why don't you look for something for 2-3 year olds which will be much more challenging for her? Why do you think it has to be either the gvt ganim for 3 year olds or something for babies?

Good luck and lots of nachas.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:46 am
I live on a small yishuv so it is either the gan or the maon. I have no choice in that matter. That is another reason why I am so depressed about this whole thing, there is no where else to send her. The ages in the moan this year is 2.7 my daughter, 2.6, 1.11, 1.9, 1.6, 1 years old. They are all babies besides the one girl that is a month younger than her. Even the one that is turning two she is really a baby in development wise.
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:52 am
Would they let her be in the gan if you paid full price? It sounds like they should make an exception because of those circumstances. If the classes are so small it should be much easier. Have you tried contacting the mefakachat for the gan - I would take it higher because it is not a usual situation and there is no alternative. [and then she'll be 2 years in the gan]

If it still doesn't work out, maybe talk to the ganenet at the ma'on that she should be sure to do special activities with the two older ones, like craft projects etc.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:59 am
I called the moatza (not sure of spelling) spoke to the highest person that can be spoken to for the gan. They said since she was born a month later that means she is way too young to even go up but if she was born a month earlier than she wasn't too young. What an anwser to my problems.

I figured that I would give my daughter one month there until the chaggim and see how all is working out. But by then I will have to push some hard strings don't know with whom to put her in the gan if she is really miserable.

My question is does it ruin a child for good to be put with babies for a whole year and not be with her age group?
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 4:28 am
I don't think it does any damage if they are with babies. What about a child who is at home with his mother and younger sibling[s]?

But I think it does do damage if a child is miserable. If there are only 6 children in the maon the gananet should be able to provide suitable activities for the older two [crafts, songs, basic concepts like colours]- but I would speak to her to explain your expectations. Try also not to pass on your disappointment to your dd. There are also advantages in it being such a small maon. I'm sure they get much more individual attention than in larger places.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 4:46 am
Yep, that is a plus smaller maon compared to the gan 20+ kids from 2+-5 years old.

Normally when a child stays home with younger sibling they are usaully all different ages from older to younger. They are not all babies.
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morningstar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 7:48 am
Quote:
Normally when a child stays home with younger sibling they are usaully all different ages from older to younger. They are not all babies.


Well, logically speaking, one of the kids has to be oldest Smile

I would agree with the other posters that the key issue here is her happiness-- and that it can be helpful to talk to the ganenet to make sure your daughter is suitably challennged.

Many children are upset with changes. It is understandable that your daughter is not happy right now. And if that persists, you may have to look for other solutions. But it will not harm her to be with younger children, and if the ganenet is skilled, there may even be advantages, in that she will be given many opportunities to "take the lead", to demonstrate new skills, etc.

Also be aware that even though your child might be able to keep up with the three-year old curriculum, this does not mean she might not struggle to keep up at 5, or at 10.

Ironically, in the US, among savvy parents, the trend of trying to always bump one's child up to the next class has been replaced with parents trying to ensure one's child is one of the older ones in the class, as over the years, the older children often have the advantage of maturity as new skills are introduced. Many kids who are destined to struggle at one point in school if they are at the younger end of the class shine if they are at the older end.

In any case, hope this ends up working out to your satisfaction.
Good luck.
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lubcoralsprings




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 7:55 am
I wouldn't push her because she is way too young for kindergarten. If you put her ahead then she might be imature and have a problem thriving.
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bgk




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 8:33 am
In our school the deadline is September 1-st. 2 of my kids are the oldest in the class. My DS was born October 18 and my DD was born September 8. She missed the deadline only for 8 days and they didn"t let her to get in. SHe has kids in her class who is a year younger that her and she is a very smart girl. She is turning 3 tommorow (11 elul) and kids in her class not 2 yet, because of the difference in jewish and english calendar.
I'm very sad but nothing to do about it
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 10:48 am
Personally from the way you have described the situation super, I don't see a way out for you Sad
Other then making your kid feel like a million dollars where she is, and how it's not so bad. We as parents for this age anyways can influence their feelings and make them feel specialin whatever situation that they r in. Hatzlacha Wink
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 11:34 am
My daugther came back from her first day of school. And she was miserable the kids that were suppose to be there today non of them are coming so it is only three kids her, year and half year old, and the one year old both boys.

She had four accidents today which has never happened in the three months that she has been toilet trained and she didn't even care which she usually goes frantic if she has an accident.

I am thinking of keeping her home until after the chaggim and see if she is capable in going up. If she is not ready in the next three years to go to first grade I have no problem keeping her down another year. It is just that I don't want her to be miserable. I felt like crying for her being bored all day which I don't know why the teacher didn't call me up to let me know that she just sat on the side and did nothing for the four hours.

She also is not a big eater either which is making me worried a bit since I never seen her eat so much in my life before when she came home.
Four plates of salad and three portions of noodles and cheese. While she was there she ate the other kids leftover food plus hers both meals. This is scary....

Quote:
In our school the deadline is September 1-st. 2 of my kids are the oldest in the class. My DS was born October 18 and my DD was born September 8. She missed the deadline only for 8 days and they didn"t let her to get in.


But a child that misses the deadline in a week they should make an exception for it is not fair on the child in my opinion.
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mali




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 12:06 pm
Where I live, people who are interested in bumping their kids up at this age, pay full price for Gan, and then leave them in Gan an extra year. I don't see why you shouldn't be able to do that.
In the long run, kids who are relatively older than their class are better off. For now, it's a pain.
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red sea




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 12:24 pm
would they let you send her twice so at least next year the other kids will be more mature and she'll be with the kids she likes?
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healthymama




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 1:47 pm
Quote:
My question is does it ruin a child for good to be put with babies for a whole year and not be with her age group?


Are you for real ? What ruins a child for good is um... starving them or beating them with a stick or locking them in the basement for days and days... or having a tsunami come and wipe out half of the country, etc. Placing a kid in a playgroup with a bunch of younger babies is nowhere near on that list.

Honestly, it sounds like you are feeding her misery. Why don't you work with the teacher to present it differently - as in since she is the oldest, she will be morah's helper for the year or something like that ?
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ShiraMiri




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:04 pm
My son was left behind last year. He was not ready to go up and was with younger kids the whole year. At first I was upset, but it turned out great for his self-esteem. He was the class leader. Now he is back caught up with his old friends and doing great. He just needed an extra year of daycare/pre-nursery under his belt.

It sounds like you are upset about the situation, perhaps more than she is. Accept the situation and let her make the most of it. Don't let your feelings ruin her year!
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 04 2006, 4:06 am
She is home now since she didn't want to go back today. She cried all morning when I told her she will be going to school, and didn't let me get her dress this morning. So for the mean time she is with me until the group gets bigger that would be only after the chaggim.

One thing I am not doing is feeding her 'bad' ideas about her school. She is the one having the problem. The teacher feels that she just needs things to color and toys to keep her busy but she needs more. So I am waiting until the real teacher comes (she just started out the year since the original teacher had surgery done) and then all the other kids will start then and then I will work with the teacher.


A child knows if she is having a miserable time. A child her age has no connection with a year old and and a 1 1/2 year old. Like I said before my other daughter I tried to get her to go up but nothing could have been done. She was miserable all year two years ago. When she went into the class where her level girls were in I saw a difference in her she was happier. Sometimes keeping a child in a group that is not their age group at this age could be bad for a child. Once they hit the higher grades being the oldest isn't so bad.


Quote:
Where I live, people who are interested in bumping their kids up at this age, pay full price for Gan, and then leave them in Gan an extra year. I don't see why you shouldn't be able to do that.
In the long run, kids who are relatively older than their class are better off. For now, it's a pain.


I have tried that but since their is no moan here registered with the gov't so they can't do that this year like they have done to the other kids the past four years.

Quote:
Honestly, it sounds like you are feeding her misery. Why don't you work with the teacher to present it differently - as in since she is the oldest, she will be morah's helper for the year or something like that ?

By the way last year there was a girl here that she also missed the deadline and was put with younger kids a couple of months younger than her. She started having accidents constantly once her mother put her up it all stopped. Are you trying to say that she was feeding her child horrible things about her class or doing what is best for her child?

And that is what my daughter did she was doing all the cleaning (washing the tables sweeping up for the teacher, brought the babies to the teacher to get changed or feed, and doing all the work since the little kids 'couldn't do it'). Is that right for a child to be the morahs helper on her chesbon, just because she didn't make the deadline?
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morningstar




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 04 2006, 9:01 am
Supermom, what is the real issue here?
That your child is the oldest one in the group, or that the regular teacher is out and you are not happy with the way the substitute works with your daughter?
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 04 2006, 9:21 am
supermom wrote:


Quote:
In our school the deadline is September 1-st. 2 of my kids are the oldest in the class. My DS was born October 18 and my DD was born September 8. She missed the deadline only for 8 days and they didn"t let her to get in.


But a child that misses the deadline in a week they should make an exception for it is not fair on the child in my opinion.


And what if a child is only a week after a week after the deadline?
Confused

Look, they have to make a deadline somewhere and there's always going to be someone who just doesn't make it. Maybe it's not fair to the child who's 2 days before the deadline and finds it difficult to keep up. You just have to accept it -noone is doing something to you personally. How would you feel next year with an almost 4 year old if they let 2.5 year olds into her gan (the same kids you don't want her with this year) because they only missed the cut off point by 2 months?

I think the things she is going through - crying, having accidents etc are completely normal for starting a new gan and getting used to a new ganenet. (Maybe they should also show you that she is not as emotionally mature as a 3 year old.)

You have to decide - can you keep her at home or do you want to send her out? If you are able to have her at home with you and you don't think the ma'on is suitable then do so. OTOH if you decide that you need her in ma'on then you should be communicating, both verbally and otherwise, that it is a great place. She has a friend of her own age and there will soon be more friends coming.

I don't think it is a bad thing at all that she is helping out. As long as, obviously, it is only for short periods of time and she is able to do other things too. It builds her self-esteem that she is big and capable and to a child that age it is fun.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 04 2006, 10:59 am
morningstar wrote:
Supermom, what is the real issue here?
That your child is the oldest one in the group, or that the regular teacher is out and you are not happy with the way the substitute works with your daughter?


The teacher that is subsituting now is her old ganenet that she loves it was the fact I think that there wasn't a single kid her age and she sat on the side a whole time from 8-2. She colored a bit but that was about it.

Quote:
I think the things she is going through - crying, having accidents etc are completely normal for starting a new gan and getting used to a new ganenet. (Maybe they should also show you that she is not as emotionally mature as a 3 year old.)


I wouldn't say that. Any child that is put in a group with absolutely nothing to do and with two other kids that are a year to a year and half younger than them that don't talk would make any kid miserable.
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