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Baby happy @ babysitter- not anymore..???



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abc123




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 03 2006, 7:07 am
What's going on? My baby settled in at the babysitter after the first 2 weeks. She was happy being dropped off there and when I'd pick her she'd seem really happy. Well that lasted a few weeks and now we've taken, it seems, a massive step backwards!! Not only does she cry when I leave her there like she did at the beginning, now she cries at home or anywhere else I go if she can't see me and follows me EVERYWHERE!!! She's 9 months and I know this is the age for separation anxiety but I'm just wondering if leaving her at the babysitter everyday just aggravates the problem...???

This may seem like a crazy question and I'm nearly embarrassed to ask it, but does anyone think that leaving a young baby with a babysitter regularly has any effect on the child... even mildly???
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jewgal84




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 03 2006, 9:43 am
My 2 cents:

It takes time to adjust and I really don't think leaving your baby with a babysitter wil laffect her, even mildly in the futur.

Lot's of children are quite comfy right away and as soon as they digest that this is their new scedual, they seem to panic.

I wouldn't fret over it, though I'd talk to my baby and explain that I'll be right back or I'm going ot get something, and guess what, kids that age DO understand.

If it happens for a few more weeks, it is possible that your baby isnt ready for separation or you might want to look into how the babysitter is handling her.

Could be she tried making an impression on you and as the days go by, she looses intrest in her job. Is she a trustworthy person, do you know her for long, is she new at this?

Does it help if you stay with her longer at the babysitter's house. I know that alot of times when mommies hang-out for alittle bit it just makes the kids more anxious and tearful.

Has the atmosphere changed at home? Is there a reason for your child to be nervous without you around? Can you send her with a special toy for only when she goes to her sitter?

MPO- I would look into the babysitter really well b4 turning over my child to her esp at such a young age. I personally prefer frum women or little frum playgroups, rather then the "old" lady, russian, spanish or schvartze type.

I want my kids to be raised in a proper atmosphere and I don't need some other person, esp not Jewish ie: singing him or her weird lullabies songs.
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su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 03 2006, 3:45 pm
abc123 wrote:
What's going on? My baby settled in at the babysitter after the first 2 weeks. She was happy being dropped off there and when I'd pick her she'd seem really happy. Well that lasted a few weeks and now we've taken, it seems, a massive step backwards!! Not only does she cry when I leave her there like she did at the beginning, now she cries at home or anywhere else I go if she can't see me and follows me EVERYWHERE!!! She's 9 months and I know this is the age for separation anxiety but I'm just wondering if leaving her at the babysitter everyday just aggravates the problem...???

This may seem like a crazy question and I'm nearly embarrassed to ask it, but does anyone think that leaving a young baby with a babysitter regularly has any effect on the child... even mildly???



Personally, I don't believe in leaving kids on a regular basis with babysitters, but that's me.

However, 9 months old is a very much the age of separation anxiety, and you need to talk to her as if she were older. "Mommy will be back in 2 hours" or whatever it is. and when you come back say "See, Mommy said she'd be backand here she is"
and if she's crying in the house when you're there and she can't see you, keep calling out to her "Mommy's in the xxxx and will be right there" and remind her when you come back "See I said I'd be right back".

She'll learn, eventually, to trust.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:01 pm
Quote:
This may seem like a crazy question and I'm nearly embarrassed to ask it, but does anyone think that leaving a young baby with a babysitter regularly has any effect on the child... even mildly???


of course it does. sometimes people have no choice, but yes. it also could be that something is happening at the babysitter that isnt good. are u sure she is a good loving babysitter? If you really have no choice and must send your baby, maybe u should find a different babysitter who your baby will feel more comfortable with. I have seen with babies who go to babysitters at a youn g age become very very clingy and unsure of themselves. I thinkj u know it has an effect. I can tell from the way u asked your question... good for u for caring so much..... this might not be easy to hear, but its the truth..... good luck with whatever u decide!
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:03 pm
At nine months the baby can feel abandoned of dropped 0ff at a babysitter every day. especially if the babysitter isnt giving her the love and attention she needs..... is she?
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Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:06 pm
I don't hink your childs reaction is norm. Check into the sitter does she watch other kids can you talk to the other mothers that send there? is she a warm caring type? maybe a bit too laid back and your kids knows that she will be bored? are there toys?

you might try to bribe your kids with a good food she likes or a small toy form at home when you settle her in so she shouldn't cry when you leave.
what does the sitter say how does she behave during the day?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:10 pm
I think her reaction is very normal., ive seen kids cry and cry by babysitters and id imajine theyd do the same when they get home because of how much it bothered them
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abc123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 2:10 am
Wow now I'm completely confused with all this conflicting advice Confused Thanks anyway.

Quote:
I have seen with babies who go to babysitters at a youn g age become very very clingy and unsure of themselves.


Say I decided to stop working and keep her home based on the above, what age would be ok to start sending her again? I don't want to keep her home until school. I've seen kids like that who become totally spoiled and unsociable because they don't have much interaction with other kids. And to the amother who wrote the above, is this just your own observation or are you somewhat "qualified" - if you get my drift...?
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su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 2:16 am
I stayed home with all of my children until they started school and they are not clingy or spoiled or anything.

Children need the security of knowing Mommy is there for them.

Maybe 2 years old she could go to a preschool/playgroup, if you really must work.

Is she an only child? You can help her with socialization by finding a play group with other moms of children the same age that you can get involved with.

Don't isolate her just because you choose to stay home.
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 12:46 pm
Quote:
what age would be ok to start sending her again? I


id say when u feel she is ready. 2 is a good time. some kids though arent ready till 2 and a half. if a child is spoiled it has NOTHING TO DO with being home with mommy. it has to do with the way the mother is raising her child. as far as being sociable that also has nothing to do with playgroup. I am a sahm and I always make sure my baby is around other kids.........

btw when a baby is at a babysitter what usually happens is shell get upset when ppl grab her toys, not necessarily learn how to share them and not be "spoiled..." when she is with YOu, the mother, she has a bigger chance of learning how behave.maybe what some ppl call spoled means confident?
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princessdiane1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 1:19 pm
I send my son to a babysitter and b'h he's fine. yes he's clingy at home but I talk to him when I'm not in the room and he comes to find me. (Hes one) he loves the babysitter A-cuz she's gr8 and B-he's the type that needs other children around to play with. he goes to a small group so I know he's getting the attention that he needs and the way he smiles when we pull up to the babysitters driveway lets me know that he's not miserable there at all!
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el2cg




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 1:32 pm
I sent 2 kids to a babysitter at an early age. b"h I did not have any problems. but if I were u, I'd stay with the child a few minutes, until he/ she settles down with a toy or cookie. if that doesn't help then leave while he's crying. he'll settle down eventually! this will probably last for a short time. good luck!
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melalyse




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2006, 8:36 pm
My baby is witha babysitter 2.5 days a week and he is totally , totally fine. He is been with her since he is 2 months old and now he is 10.5. He loves her and he seems very happy when I am with him. I think that if the babysitter is a warm and caring person then there shouldn't be any problem.
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HelloEverybody




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2006, 1:09 pm
Ok. I don't really have time to read the posts as I gotta' go pick up the kinderlach and make Shabbos, but based on your first post. Firstly, at this age it's normal for her emotions of separation to change from day to day. My baby is 10 mos. old and b"h is happy when dropped off at babysitter (but there's plenty of action so she's never bored.) However, if I leave the room and she doesn't realize anyone else is there, she'll cry. If my husband will suddenly call her name, she'll turn around and be perfectly happy. She's your baby and she knows that you're her mommy. I would not stress about it, as long as you know she stops within about 5 minutes of you leaving. More than that and I would be more concerned.

Also, ask the babysitter how she is, what she did, etc. to get an idea of what she may not like about being there.

Good Luck!!!! But, aren't they SOOOOO cute at this age?
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HelloEverybody




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2006, 1:36 pm
Oh! And in regards to your question about if I feel kids should be at home or whatnot. While I do think that if a mommy can be a SAHM she should, but if it doesn't work out, and she is working, I find the social environment of a babysitter/playgroup to be very stimulating. At least for my son, his speech developed very nicely and his ability to play with other kids I find is also developed nicely. I think a lot of it has to do with having been with kids since practically "day 1" eventhough he's the oldest.
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2006, 1:39 pm
babies would rather be with thier mothers then be stimulated by many other kids around them. mothers can help thier kids be stimulated to. take them places... get together with other kids... do projects. I think if babies can tell u theyd pick mommy.
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