WHAT ARE OUR CHILDREN THINKING?

amother

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 10:12 pm

Story #1:

A woman in her 40’s whose youngest is 14 and who has a few grandchildren told me how she worked when her children were young though she was able to see them off in the morning and be home when they came home or her mother was there for them. Although she worked full-time she sewed, even making coats, and she cooked everything herself. She was (still is) a very devoted, involved mother. Yet, when she stopped working one of her children said to her, “Now we will be a real family!” Confused

Story #2

I heard Mrs. Shaindy Bluming on a tape say that she worked Sun. Mon. Wed. and Thurs. when her children were young. Tues. was her day off. She saw her children out in the morning and worked half a day and was home when they came home from school.

Her four year old asked her one morning, “What’s today?”

She said, “Tuesday.”

He said, “Yay!”

She thought it was because of some trip or siyum that he had forgotten to tell her about. She asked, "What's the yay for?"

He said, “Haint by lunch velen ich nisht trachten as yetz mommy geit aheim.” (today, at lunch, I won’t think that now mommy is going home)
shock

Said Mrs. Bluming, “They need mommy. They think about us all day: Where is she? What is she doing? They need us! They need our attention and that means FULL attention."

What ARE our children thinking, do you think? Have yours said?

melalyse

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 10:26 pm

If the child is not home why would it matter if his mother was at home, at macys or at work. As long as the mom is home when they are. My mom worked when I was growing up but was always home in the morning and when we came home. I didn't think twice about it.

Mitzvahmom

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 10:52 pm

My kids know I have to work to pay the bills..

That I am going to college so that, G-d willing I can get a better job.

every time I pass a course, my kids pack their bags... I ask why?

Every time I pass a course, they are hoping that means my degree is done and that I have a better job Smile

They are ready to move to a better place, closer to the shul.

Kids are pretty smart. Smile

queenyemk

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 10:56 pm

When I first read your article I felt horrible. Does that mean that my little girl is upset all day because I am not at home looking after her. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I logged off for 1/2 and hour and read the replies and thought, no I have to work because if I don't bring in money we won't survive. Being a single mum is not easy, and I am the only one to support her. This is the only way.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:16 pm

queenyemk wrote:

A mom shouldn't have to feel guilty about working. A single mom, even less.
If you want my humble opinion, yes in the first times maybe she was upset all day, then only when you left, then like all kids, she got used to it and now she doesn't!

queenyemk

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:23 pm

B'H she is not upset all day. She is babysat by my 2 best friends. She is always happy when I come home to get her. She doesn't talk yet, so she wouldn't even be able to tell me if she was upset. I just said that she may be upset internally becuase I am not around anymore. It was a sudden change from together 24/7 to being away for 7 hours a day without preperation. If not I would lof lost more than just a marriage. B"H I have the most amazing support I could ever have and it can only get better I pray. I just hope that this seperation won't harm her phycologically.
(sorry for any spelling mishaps - not being careful Wink

)

stem

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:44 pm

I remember being a little kid (like 1st grade more or less) and thinking of what my mother must be doing at home. I loved the feeling that she was home, the house wasn't empty. I knew that if I needed her she was right where I expected her to be.

stem

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:47 pm

Quote:

He said, “Haint by lunch velen ich nisht trachten as yetz mommy geit aheim.” (today, at lunch, I won’t think that now mommy is going home)

This boy feels responsible to think about his mother leaving work and going home. Maybe he's afraid that if he forgets, she'll also... That's a pretty big weight on a little boy's shoulders.

busymom

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 9:37 am

my nephew's playgroup sent home a little booklet with each child at the end of the year. there were pages where each child asnwered certain questions, like what do u want to do when u grow up? one question was, "what does ur mommy do when ur at playgroup?" some said, she's in the office, she cooks, she nurses the baby... one kid replied, "she sits by the window and waits for me to come home."

although the answer is funny, I guess it gives a child a tremendous sense of security to know that the mother isn't going anywhere, doing anything (or so they think! Wink

), just waiting impatiently for her precious child to come home!

I work too, and I'm not trying to make an argument against working outside from home. just giving the child's point of view - though I do think the personality of the child has a lot to do with what they are thinking - and I'm sure there are those who don't think about mommy at all!

Motek

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 12:07 pm

Re the thread topic - what are the CHILDREN THINKING (as opposed to what their mothers are feeling):

Someone asked my husband, "'What would you say about a kid (about age 7, his grandson) who throws off his yarmulke, throw his Chumash down, and says I don’t want to be a yid?" shock

My husband said, "I don’t have enough info, I don’t know, if I had to guess I would say it’s one of those homes where the mother is away all the time and it’s done in the name of Yiddishkeit because the father is learning and a kid who grows up without his mother has a lot of anger and resentment. Since it’s done in the name of yiddishkeit the child is turning on Yiddishkeit.

It turned out that yes, the mother is working fulltime as a social worker to support her husband's learning.

The grandfather asked, would that explain why he was asking for a dog? One time the father was putting him to sleep and the child said, "I wish mommy would die so we could get a dog." shock

The boy had been told that he can't have a dog because Mommy is allergic
to which he said, "But mommy isn’t here anyway ..."

At some point he said, "I wish mommy would die so you can marry someone else and we could get a dog." shock

queenyemk

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 3:58 pm

Did the mother dedicate any time to her children when she was not at work. eg. on Shabbos.
The child seems like he wasn't getting attention even from the father. Just because the father is fulltime learning doesn't mean that he can't take out a few hours to play ball with his or learn with him.
It seems that there is alot of emotional disturbences with the son to be going to this extreme.
Or maybe something happened like th emother couldn't be there for him at a certain moment and he thought of the worst possible thing that could happan or say

happymom

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 6:06 pm

Quote:

yes some have to work, but I think most if not all mothers who work feel guilty because everybody knows (at least deep dpown) that being with ure kids and taking care if the home is our job and what is best for our kids (and husbands.)

nicole81

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 6:12 pm

happymom wrote:

and like it has been reiterated in all the the numerous working moms/stay at home mom threads, sometimes it's a matter of survival. people do what they have to do to get by. but why bring the guilt up and rub it in their faces?

Motek

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 6:34 pm

nicole81 wrote:

why bring the guilt up and rub it in their faces?

Maybe because in our frum society today it is no longer considered the ideal to "just" be a mother and girls are training for careers long before they have to work to "survive." And the frum schools are encouraging the girls in this way by providing them with career options.

As someone emailed me this morning:

Quote:

I havent been out of the house at this time of the morning since I stopped working. it's a depressing scene. strollers, strollers, everywhere. babies being dropped off and mothers going to work. a whole bunch of 2 yr olds in ... [name of school] screaming for their mommies, tatties, brothers, and sisters- anyone who would just come take them back home.

But again, I wish this thread sticks to what are our children thinking ...