lack of Bitachon | Imamother

amother

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 7:13 pm

I had a bad experience last week and since then it has really been bothering me. all of a sudden I realized I have like almost no emunah/bitachon. my inital reaction was not to whip out a siddur or tehillim (which I don't carry on me) or daven or say kapitel tehillim or take on something or pledge tzeddaka. I just panicked. it poshut didn't occur to me to turn to Hashem. and since then I ahve been depressed about this. what to do? I'm very frum (I thought) but now I think I'm a fake. what should I do? I always knew I wasn't a spiritual person, I rarely daven or talk to g-d, and I prefer a secular novel to a "self-help" book or jewish novel or anything else remotely frum. I am ffb and maybe that has to do with it. but I'm still shell shocked, and its been a week and a half. I just don't know what to do. please help me.
TIA

(anony bec I am so embarassed b/4 the people on this site that know me)

gryp

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 12:27 pm

amother, the fact that it bothers you is a good sign.
imagine if it didnt even bother you! CH"V shock

it means that youre ready to develop the inborn connection you have to Hashem into a real relationship.

hatzlacha.

cdawnr

Thu, May 31 2007, 9:39 am

Sorry to bring up such an old thread, but I have recently felt a similar thing and am really struggling about it.

If the OP is still around, did you find any good books to give you chizuk or did time just help.

(I have had periods like this before and generally I find that they relate to the stress levels playing subconscious havoc on me, but I would love to find chizuk and ways to build a more spiritual side.)

amother

Thu, May 31 2007, 12:36 pm

I feel the same way as the OP. I have young kids and am busy. it soesnt even occur to me to daven.(I know its horrible). every once in awhile I feel really guilty so ill daven for like a week straight. I just feel no connection or anything though. it usually fades out. I too would like to be a more "spiritual" person.

amother

Thu, May 31 2007, 12:54 pm

I used to be so meticulous about davening and learning. I was even sad while I was in labor because I had to miss mincha. I've let things slip. What is hard is that I am told that it is not yikar for a woman to daven. But when I don't daven other things slide to. This morning, I stirred my dh's coffee with a fleishig spoon accidentally, and I usually would not make a mistake like that. I guess I have to be machmir on myself, and in my case, davening is yikar, because everything slips if I don't...but with little kids it is very hard.

Ima'la

Thu, May 31 2007, 1:07 pm

Maybe you can strengthen your connection to Hashem by davening differently? In other words, since you do not have a chiyuv to say shemoneh esrei, and it is difficult to do so - you could daven while doing dishes, folding laundry, etc. - either Tehillim that you know by heart or a tefilla that is meaninful to you, or even (maybe especially!) just talk to Hashem in your own words - thanking Him for the brachos He's given you, asking for help in whatever area you need it....If you do this on a regular basis, I think it will strengthen your connection and help you naturally turn to Hashem in times of crisis.

(Working on taking my own advice....)

amother

Sun, Jun 03 2007, 6:14 pm

I don't know if this will help anyone, but I used to keep making resolutions to increase in my davening, and kept failing. Therefore I decided to try a different way of connecting to Hashem, by increasing in my observance of the "women's mitzvos", baking Challah and betching licht earlier. It really has helped, and now even davening seems a bit easier.