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What's the biggest chesed w/most mesiras nefesh you've done?
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 1:39 pm
Calling the police on my best friend in order to stop her from committing suicide. She was trying to kill herself and I was the only one who knew. We were young and in H.S. Baruch HaShem, she was able to get the the help and therapy she needed, and is now a very emotionally healthy wife, and mother. That was one of the hardest things I had to do. I almost passed out from stress while on the phone.
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drumjj









  


Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 1:54 pm
stayed with my mother during her week of shiva and left my husband and two young kids at home
raised a lot of money for a friend who was in desperate need.
went to a friends mothers funeral to be there for my friend on a friday, drove two hours there and two hours back because I knew it was important to go bh shabbos was about six that week.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 2:05 pm
I've never done "crazy" chessed, but:

Supporting a non Jewish pregnant teen online friend in her pregnancy while trying to work for my high school exams, after spending hours to convince her to not abort. Then spending hours convincing her not to give it up. Then spending hours convincing her to date another type of boys (which BH ended up in a good marriage, the husband adopting her first and having another). Very Happy

At the same time I was mekareving a reform Jewish online teen friend. Last time I had news she was Orthodox, tznius and engaged to a frum boy.

I have taught BTs and (future) converts including at some very inconvenient times. Think "using one hour of peace from my almost daily migraine". BH now I have a treatment, but also much less time Sad

Trying to find a shidduch for some people is a pain. They are difficult and not respectful to me either, but I know they're suffering. I've "forgotten" some bad stuff for this reason, including not telling me they're getting married or bashing my not being charedi or my age.

Being the "shrink" to all kind of people, especially as a teen, and hearing things I wasn't equipped to handle, but it made the people feel better so I was happy. Some of these people (teens) were in deep pain and hence very mean, too.

Having to handle non tzanua topics with or in front of opposite gender because their spouse wanted me to convince them to have another child. It was horrible especially as a single. I'm not sure why these 40+ relatives chose ME and not a marital therapist. At least it gave two babies and one kosher home, though. It also pushed an older lady to finally dare discussing "the family before the war" with her old father, who refused to give names, so I did her genealogical research...

Spending hours and hours discussing kashrus with an agressive "traditional" relative. In the end, gave up treif meat and mixings Very Happy

Bringing up a "skeleton in the closet" in front of the school rebbe to help a sick student, knowing it would probably be the last push to lose my job (and it was).
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 3:10 pm
I spend a lot of time providing a sympathetic, listening ear to people who need it. I'm happy to have an opportunity to help people, but when someone is in deep distress I can't tell them that I really need to go grocery shopping or do whatever.

I've become a second mother to a widow with a young child; if they didn't come to us for Pesach, they would have no Seder. I pick up her child from school when she can't get there because of work. I listen to her stories.

I've also become an advisor/second mother to another woman due to my DD's friendship with one of her children. I cannot tell you the time and energy I have put into driving this woman around, helping her organize appointments, taking her shopping, trying to advise her how to deal with her 5 kids. Now she unexpectedly has another baby on the way so she really needs a lot of help. Sometimes it is overwhelming for me, especially as I was not able to get pregnant.

I can only assume that Hashem sends these chesed opportunities as a way to help me work on my middot.

Years ago, a woman who knew I could not get pregnant was upset about her third pregnancy in 3 years; she said "When I found out I was pregnant I wanted to slit my throat" I'm still trying to figure out why this woman felt I would be the appropriate person for this true confession. And yes, I'm proud of the fact that I was able to say, "that must have been very difficult for you to cope with."
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 4:16 pm
Humm let's see how about being a mother? That's the biggest I can come up with. Being devoted to one's spouse and children require more mesiras nefesh than anything in the world! Including taking care of them no matter what time it is, no matter how tired you are, no matter what else is going on in your life. I have taken care of my family upon being sick, loosing a parent, being broke, during days off, during the blizzard's, shabbos afternoon when all I want to do is rest. You name it I take care of them.

That's pure mesiras nefesh and I love every minute of it. Smile. They make me smile and at the end of the day I thank Hashem for giving me the most loving children a parent could ever ask for.
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grace413









  


Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 4:32 pm
General question: Is it mesiras nefesh if you enjoy/love it? Or only if it is difficult for you?
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 5:05 pm
Had a smelly, homeless, not all there, man live on my couch for a week, because of a back injury, while taking him to doctors, providing for his weird ultra frum chumros, etc.
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 5:08 pm
While living in my parents house as a girl, they took in a family of 9 in their basement after a fire, (there is no door separating it from upstairs.) while letting them use our amenities (washing machine etc.) It was supposed to be for 3 months but lasted 2 years, in which my father was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away.
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 5:16 pm
Did painful, demeaning, embarrassing, time-swallowing and messing-with-work fertility treatments . For dh's sake. I would've waited longer for myself before starting.

How is that for mesirus nefesh?
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Raizle









  


Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 5:51 pm
amother wrote:
I'm a bad person Twisted Evil
I can't join this thread, never did Chesed.

I think most people do acts of chessed without realizing they are.
Chessed doesn't have to be big and in your face to mean something. Sometimes it's the little things that make a difference.
Ever lent a dollar or 2 to someone?
picked something up so that someone with a bad back or pregnant wouldn't have to?

It doesn't have to be a big thing to make a difference to someone.
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 9:24 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I've never done "crazy" chessed, but:

Supporting a non Jewish pregnant teen online friend in her pregnancy while trying to work for my high school exams, after spending hours to convince her to not abort. Then spending hours convincing her not to give it up. Then spending hours convincing her to date another type of boys (which BH ended up in a good marriage, the husband adopting her first and having another). Very Happy

At the same time I was mekareving a reform Jewish online teen friend. Last time I had news she was Orthodox, tznius and engaged to a frum boy.

I have taught BTs and (future) converts including at some very inconvenient times. Think "using one hour of peace from my almost daily migraine". BH now I have a treatment, but also much less time Sad

Trying to find a shidduch for some people is a pain. They are difficult and not respectful to me either, but I know they're suffering. I've "forgotten" some bad stuff for this reason, including not telling me they're getting married or bashing my not being charedi or my age.

Being the "shrink" to all kind of people, especially as a teen, and hearing things I wasn't equipped to handle, but it made the people feel better so I was happy. Some of these people (teens) were in deep pain and hence very mean, too.

Having to handle non tzanua topics with or in front of opposite gender because their spouse wanted me to convince them to have another child. It was horrible especially as a single. I'm not sure why these 40+ relatives chose ME and not a marital therapist. At least it gave two babies and one kosher home, though. It also pushed an older lady to finally dare discussing "the family before the war" with her old father, who refused to give names, so I did her genealogical research...

Spending hours and hours discussing kashrus with an agressive "traditional" relative. In the end, gave up treif meat and mixings Very Happy

Bringing up a "skeleton in the closet" in front of the school rebbe to help a sick student, knowing it would probably be the last push to lose my job (and it was).


Not crazy chesed? Unbelievable chesed. Yasher koach
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amother






Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 9:27 pm
grace413 wrote:
General question: Is it mesiras nefesh if you enjoy/love it? Or only if it is difficult for you?


I believe mesiras nefesh means it has to be difficult for you. As our sources say, the more difficulty, the greater the reward.

I am so moved and inspired by all the wonderful postings here.
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4Sisters









  


Post  Wed, Feb 23 2011, 11:31 pm
I really am enjoying reading this thread. IsraMom8: I read my dd's your post and the comment made about being dan l'kaf zechus and we all LOVED it. Thank you for sharing (your head covering as well as your story!).

I think my biggest chessed was a few years ago when we hosted for sedarim an older man who has very, very bad OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). So bad he wouldn't eat w. us at our table so dh set him up in our living room and he did his own seder while wearing plastic gloves. Broke my heart to see him (and, on a very base note, OY, my LR was a total mess w. matza crumbs. [May it be my worst problem, right?!])

A few days later (erev Shabbos now....) he called and asked if he could come eat lunch at my house. I was flattered that he felt comfortable enough to ask to come over, b/c he has such stuff he has to go through before he feels comfortable eating....So I asked him a million questions about what could I do to help b/c some things he def. wanted me to do like pour the water so he wouldn't have to touch our water jug, but other things def. NOT, like don't touch his food.

Jump ahead a bit. I am in Trader Joe's 35 mins from where I live. I am never there as there are three TJ's much closer to me. I round a corner and see this man asking the staff lots of questions. It is, of course, erev yontif (can't remember which one....). I know what I have to do, but need to duck back around the aisle and give myself a little pep talk. B/c, of course, if I run into this man it is b/c Hashem is sending a big message that we have to have him over.....B''H, he was on his way out of state but thanked me for my offer. I think that day was my biggest challenge b/c he didn't see me and I could have just ducked out of the store.
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Rubber Ducky









  


Post  Thu, Feb 24 2011, 2:23 pm
The chesed that has been hardest for me was bringing my mother into our home a little over a year ago. Her memory is declining and she was no longer taking care of herself properly.

The physical part has involved moving Mom across the country, shuffling bedrooms, taking her to and from the senior center and Dr. appointments, more cooking, shopping, laundry, etc. But beyond that, it has meant losing a lot of privacy, empathizing with her longing to be back in California, referee-ing the turf war that lasted for months between Mom and dear foster son (age eight), hearing the same stories -- many of them not true but she thinks they are -- over and over and over again... and coming to terms with my own mortality.

B"H, we're blessed to be able to do considerable chesed. DH and our sons are completely on board, and gemilas chasadim is not only a mitzvah but also is a big part of who we are -- but this one has been the most difficult.
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Chayalle









  


Post  Thu, Feb 24 2011, 2:35 pm
We used to regularly host an older single with severe personality issues (maybe mental, but I wouldn't know for sure). It was big mesiras nefesh for us because he would criticise us in front of our kids for not doing enough for him, for not doing things exactly to his liking, and did things that interfered with the atmosphere in our home, etc....unfortunately we had to stop hosting him when it became an issue of "Chessed beings at home". Our kids couldn't handle it any more.
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imaima









  


Post  Thu, Feb 24 2011, 3:00 pm
Chayalle wrote:
We used to regularly host an older single with severe personality issues (maybe mental, but I wouldn't know for sure). It was big mesiras nefesh for us because he would criticise us in front of our kids for not doing enough for him, for not doing things exactly to his liking, and did things that interfered with the atmosphere in our home, etc....unfortunately we had to stop hosting him when it became an issue of "Chessed beings at home". Our kids couldn't handle it any more.


Hmm I would not even know where to find those kinds of people.. Rolling Eyes
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aidelmaidel









  


Post  Wed, Mar 02 2011, 11:41 am
I am so impressed with the imamothers.

I've done chessed before, but very rarely with mesiras nefesh.

Perhaps my greatest chessed these days is respecting my DH's desire for minimal or no guests. (I like having guests!).

Also, my plan, is for Purim that we will shlep out to Boro Park on Purim morning at 8am to get my father in law's nursing home in time to hear the megillah with him at 9am, and deliver shalach manos to him and perhaps some of the residents. Getting out of the house after a motsi shabbos megillah reading is going to be hard, really hard, but I feel this is a big zechus for my father in law and also to teach my kids about kivud av v'aim.
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