where to send ds to school?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Where to send ds to school?

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amother

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 8:55 pm

I don't know where to send my ds to school. I've known since he was a baby that he was a VERY bright challenging type of kid. He will IY"H be in first grade next year. I have never gotten him tested and don't plan on it because I don't want to have him labeled and I could give thousands of stories as to how I know he is not the average bright. I have a dd who is the average bright. It is so hard to describe my son. He is not just smart he is a highly intelligent child. He notices everything and is such a deep thinker. I guess I would call him a really intellectual child. And when he is not challenged he is challenging. The school he is curently in is a "cookie cutter" type of school. I'm so worried how they will handle my son. I'm worried that he will be bored in class and then he will make trouble and then he will be labled a "troublemaker". My debate is basically, do I send him to this school where he won't be challenged enough academically but there are great kids and hashkafically it is our speed or do I send him to a school where the kids are more modern and jappy but academically would probably be better for him? Do I leave him or move him or do I move dd too? I will be honest and say that I am not incredibly impressed with the school to begin with but I love the community and this is the best school in the area.

We would move if we had to.

Sorry this is so choppy. It is so hard to describe my child and situation without giving too much information.

Mama Bear

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 10:00 pm

start in the school that's hashkafically like you, and see how the first year goes.

LeahW

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 3:22 am

I also say choose according to hashkafa. But it's hard to say not knowing all the details about the situation, schools, etc.

mandksima

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 4:50 am

I'd say the opposite. Children will form their own hashkafa anyway with time, not necessarily follow the exact footsteps of their parents and like OP said, you'd be worried that he'd be too bored and be labeled a troublemaker,it just gets worse as time goes by. Even the brightest kids can go down a wrong path if not inspired by their learning. Is the more modern school really excellent? At that age, he probably won't be influenced by the modernity and I would think it is better to send him there a year and judge it again before 2nd grade. At least he shouldn't be bored and unstimulated. You can find after school programs with the kids that are more of your hashkafa.

LeahW

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 6:20 am

mandksima wrote:

Regarding your first point, it is our job to gear our children to the hashkafa we see as emes. OP, if you are very much at odds with the hashkafa of the more modern school, it could cause many problems you never thought of. If the modern school is basically where you're at, but just a little bit more modern, then it might be worth considering.

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 8:31 am

op here-

Thanks so much for your replies.
Firstly, the more modern school teaches in a different way so I don't think he would be ignored and he would have more opportunuties to excell. The school itself is hashkafically not totally off just the parent body and students they are attracting are more modern. For example they say that at a certain grade the classes are seperated (they start off co-ed) but my husband drove by there the other day and said he saw big kids ( he wasn't sure what grade but 6th, 7th, or 8th graders) all having recess together. Boys and girls playing basketball together. This is NOT our speed. The school my kids are currently in obviously doesn't do that.
I'm very nervous that he will be turned off from Yiddishkeit by the way they learn in the current school. He asks a lot of amazing questions and I think noone will take the time to answer. Like I said, I think he will be bored in class and I'm worried he will be turned off.

Oh, I just don't know what the answer is. I wish I could see into the future. I see that my ds has such amazing potential I just want to make the most of it.

Isramom8

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 8:40 am

Don't jump to assumptions that the school that fits your hashkafa will turn your child off from Yiddishkeit and that no one will listen to him. If he has issues like that later on in life, and you absolutely can't work something out with the staff, you can switch him then. I think you are risking too much by setting him up for a whole other set of challenges if you choose the more modern school.

And who says he will be underchallenged and a behavior problem? You may be surprised. You can always enrich his education.

Who says that in the modern school he won't be a behavior problem?

saw50st8

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 8:58 am

Have you discussed this with the current school you want? I am sure your child isn't the first bright, challenging student they have encountered. See what they can offer him. Its generally better to be at a school that matches the hashkafa as the home.

I was that bright, challenging student and my school did very little for me. As a result, I became super lazy, ignored my teachers and learned very little. I really squandered a lot of my education.

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:04 am

I'm sorry I think I'm being unclear because I'm trying to beat around the bush. Right now he does not have any real behavioral issues because I pretty much have him under control. In previous years he has been the star of the class because he is SO bright and his teachers have absolutely loved him. I was very lucky to have gotten teachers who "understood" him and challenged him and he became a real asset to the learning of the class. This year he tells me he is bored at school and has been having more behavioral issues but not major. Just some bad days. I'm worried that since his current school is such an old fashion, cookie cutter, frontal teaching type of school he will be bored which will cause him to have behavioral issues because that IS what he does. When he's bored he makes trouble. I'm also worried noone will take the time to answer his amazing questions and more likely they won't know how to answer his questions which I have seen turn kids away from Judeism. Maybe I am just extra sensitive and worried because I have a brother who is not too frum (I think he keeps Kosher and Shabbos but I'm not sure)(also he flat out tells me he doesn't believe in G-d).
You have to understandthat he's really a different kind of a kid and I see he can be so great or Chas v'shalom the opposite.

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:12 am

the above was me, the op- and here I go again.

They do have a couple of brilliant children at his current school and they do a terrible job with them. They push them up a grade so socially it is not great and the kids are still bored. It is a problem in general in all these cookie cutter schools what to do with these type of kids. They are bored so they talk and become lazy and do nothing in school and everyone is unhappy. I can see my son becoming just like this. I don't want him to hear "Stop, sit down , be quiet , we don't have time right now" all day. He is already becoming lazy because everything comes so easily to him.

saw50st8

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:16 am

Amother,

If you know the school can't handle him, I wouldn't send him there. Speaking as someone who went through something similar.

But, you have to be aware of the hashkafic differences. As he gets older, he will likely talk to girls at recess. You will probably have to be more open with him about things like shomer negiah.

Are there good high school options?

intrigued

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:20 am

Is there maybe a more right-winged school? If you are already willing to compromise Hashkafically and you are afraid of a school being to modern maybe you should look into that?

Rubber Ducky

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:27 am

I have no idea where you live. Are there any other schools a bit farther away that might meet your son's needs better?

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:29 am

I live in the NY/NJ area. I would be willing to move though.

saw50st8

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:32 am

Amother, are you willing to bus your kids? Are you willing to state your location? maybe we can help you find a better program?

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:36 am

I am willing to do anything (just about) but I don't want to say where I am exactly because people will figure out who I am.

saw50st8

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:40 am

Understood.

Can you give us a better region? Like Northern NJ, Central NJ, Queens/LI, Rockland/Westchester?

Then perhaps we can list schools that may be appropriate and you can do some more research without outing yourself?

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 11:07 am

OP here-
I'm sorry but I really don't want to say where I am because people will figure out who I am. I'm pretty sure those are my 2 options but if you name schools that you think would be good for my son maybe it would help.

My question is what would you do if you were in my situation? Send to the school with the poorer education but hashkafically is good or send to a school which is hashkafically too modern but has a better education?

I have thought about high schools and have no idea what to do. BTW I guess we are RWMO.

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 11:11 am

and by the way from what I gather the more right wing schools don't teach in a thinking type of a way and the more right wing school in my area lacks a good secular education so it is not an option for me.

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 12:10 pm

Would you consider Montessori? There is a Montessori yeshiva in central NJ - they love bright, challenging kids! Definitely MO (Hebrew-speaking, Zionist, strong secular and Judaic studies, mixed gender); definitely not "cookie-cutter."

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