Would you talk about things in front of a baby

Motek

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 12:34 pm

that you wouldn't talk about in front of a 10 year old?

In other words, there are certain topics that you wouldn't discuss in front of an older child because you think it's inappropriate for them (ex. murder, things that could scare them, s-x related topics in the news) but what about in the presence of babies who don't talk and don't understand what you're saying?

timeout

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 12:37 pm

There's alot of things I wouldn't speak about in front of a ten year old or even a teenager. I don't have either yet but with my son who is 5 K'H my DH and I spell everything we don't want him to hear or speak in yiddish. It's hysterical the things he makes up trying to figure out what we're saying Very Happy

Frumom

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 5:14 pm

Sometimes we do, but we really try not to, especially if its something really inappropriate.
Obviously its much easier to watch what you're saying in front of kids who are older and are more likely to understand, but at the same time, what you say in front of a baby can still have an affect.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 5:27 pm

in front of a little baby? no problem. relations are even allowed in front of them (though I'm not saying that would be comfortable!)

happymom

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 5:49 pm

I think its important to try and be careful what we say in front of kids of any age. even babies.

cindy324

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 7:10 pm

I don't think what we say has so much of an impact on a baby who does not understand or speak, it's how it's said. The tone of voice, eg. arguing could make the difference. It might make the baby anxious or scared.

tziviakayla

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 7:13 pm

We used to just spell things out that we didn't want them to know, but now my 3 oldest can spell!

Motek

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 8:57 pm

nehama wrote:

They don't understand and won't remember anyway.

Well that would be the reason why people wouldn't be careful but is it true that they won't remember - subconsciously?

What about Pirkei Avos 2:11 - Rabi Yehoshua ben Chanania, “Ashrei Yoladto,” “Praiseworthy is the one who bore him” (I.e. his mother), because his mother always brought him to the Beis Medrash even as an infant so that his ears would become attuned to the sound of Torah study.

Quote:

relations are even allowed in front of them

Is that so? I'm not sure. I thought not. That it has to do with their age and having some kind of separation?

shayna82

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:26 pm

nehama wrote:

They don't understand and won't remember anyway.

I beg to differ.

for me and my family, we hang "jewish" items near the baby when its first born, because what a baby does see and hear WILL effect them on some level. they may or may not remember, but thats not the point.

I wouldnt talk about anything impure near my babies, no matter how small.

amother

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 10:08 pm

I dont know if this is 100 % accurate but I once heard that Rabbi Manis Friedman claims that parents that talk about a pregnancy being a mistake or during pregnancy they talk about how much they didnt want this baby effect the baby in a way that they have higher suicide and attempted suicide rates later on.

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:36 am

timeout wrote:

It's hysterical the things he makes up trying to figure out what we're saying Very Happy

Beware, he will one day understand more! My grandparents spoke Polish in front of my father, and my greatgrandparents spoke Greek in front of my grandma, well in the end they understood almost everything!

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:37 am

nehama wrote:

They don't understand and won't remember anyway.

That's what I believe.
I know women who don't talk of inappropriate things when pregnant, because they think the baby hears & understands.

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:39 am

shayna82 wrote:

nehama wrote:

They don't understand and won't remember anyway.

I think that's the difference. Imho they can remember sounds, tones, music, feelings, items that were close to them... but not things they have to understand (= the message of a conversation).

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:39 am

Motek wrote:

Is that so? I'm not sure. I thought not. That it has to do with their age and having some kind of separation?

I have heard it is ok until they speak, or until 2. Older if they are asleep. Not that I could do it, but to each their own....

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

I think it would come from the fact that someone who doesn't want a baby will still not want it when it is born, or a toddler, or a child, and then definitely the child will feel it. Just my opinion.

mummy-bh

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 5:52 am

Ruchel wrote:

nehama wrote:

They don't understand and won't remember anyway.

That's what I believe.
I know women who don't talk of inappropriate things when pregnant, because they think the baby hears & understands.

The baby will not remember, that is not the issue here.
We should not underestimate the effect that all sorts of things can have on our and our childrens' neshamas, for good and for chas vesholom bad. This is why it is beneficial to, for example, go to a shiur during pregnancy. Not because you want the baby to remember (s/he is inside there learning Torah anyway!) but because of the spiritual benefits which we cannot begin to comprehend.