sending an oldest to school?

amother

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 4:41 pm

not such an odd idea. I've thought about it many times. and I've always come back to the fact that it will be for my child's benefit to send to school. I'd be perfectly happy to keep at home.
baby is due in the summer. so at least this way I dont have to worry about getting ready for school the day I come home from the hospital.
and yes I'm the one at the far end of the normal range. even when not pregnant I need at least 8-9 hrs.

another question: should I send my 3 yr old for a full or half day? I would feel more comfortable with half day cuz I think that 6 hrs is too much for a 3 yr old. but if I have to do pick up at 12:30 then I'll for sure never get a nap, cuz my toddler would sleep in the afternoon only. though there's no guarantee that a full day would allow me that luxury either.
now here's a thought, what about sending for the second half of the day?!!that would solve all my problems!
I wish it were possible.

Rivka

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 4:41 pm

I wake up at 9am and I am not pregnant, my son has learnt to only wake up at 8am no matter what time he goes to sleep and my husband gives him milk in the morning and then sends him to my room so he plays, so I guess I am half awake half asleep, but I am in bed. At 9am I get up and make his breakfast and stuff. Also if you are preggies you shouldn't be having coffee, unless you use the caffeine free, in which case, it becomes pointless if you need it to stimulate your brain in order to function.
I wouldn't worry and no don't see a Dr I don't see what a DR would do, probably tell you it's normal you are tired, you are pregnant and have a toddler and a child nearing school age. The thing is what did you do when you were pregnant with your second child? As some said do you need to send your older child to school, or is your oldest already at that age when you have to.

Ozmom

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 6:05 pm

Quote:

I dont think its normal to need to sleep that much...... most of us do fine on 6 or 7 hours with an occassional nap... with the demands of parenthood and jobs.. who the heck gets to sleep till 9 or 10 in the morning????

everyone has a different norm of what they need to sleep. Whereas some are fine with 6 hrs others need more.
Personally I'm one of those people who need more then the usual, not that I get it. although if you go to sleep at 9:30 - 10:00 and wake up at 7:00- 7:30 that aint too bad. Then you get you are getting 9 to 9 and a half hours, not bad.

Ok amother, a suggestion. First of all I think you are phsycing yourself up to not cope. Stop telling yourself you wont cope because if you keep doing it then you wont cope. Tell yourself you will take 1 day as it comes and you will cope. Prepare yourself emotionally to cope. You are pregnant now so of course you are exhausted, and yeah ppl are tired when they are nursing too, but its different. You aren't shlepping a baby in your tommy everywhere you go. Have some bitachon that Hashem will give you the strength to handle it.

2nd : Could you try and sleep with your shades open for a while, and that way get the first sun of the day and therefore get some melatonin in your system to regalate your body to wake up properly in the morning and to sleep better at night. try and walk as much as you can while pregnant so you can be as strong as possible at and after birth. also after you give birth try and get in as much excersise as possible, and you will have more energy.

Motek

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 6:11 pm

amother wrote:

I've thought about it many times. and I've always come back to the fact that it will be for my child's benefit to send to school. I'd be perfectly happy to keep at home.

how did you conclude that "fact"?

I don't think it's a fact, and if, as you say, you'd be perfectly happy to keep at home" BY ALL MEANS, DO IT!

full day? no way!

Ozmom

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 6:30 pm

She concluded that fact because she knows her child
Motek every child is different. I had the experience with one that I kept at home and that child drove me up the wall begging to go to school.
I couldn't provide the stimuli though I tried, that my child needed, and this child thrives in school B"H. Socially wise included in the rest.

gryp

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 6:31 pm

Quote:

and no, I do not do fine AT ALL on 6-7 hours of sleep, it's completely out of the question for me

Motek, im glad to hear im not the only one. there is no way I would be able to function on 6-7 hours of sleep although when I was in high school I did with less. now my strategy is to be ready for bed around 9:00 PM ( Exclamation

) so I am relaxed and sleeping by 10:00. I know for many people this schedule just wouldnt work out but I try and make it work for me as best as I can.

Motek

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 6:39 pm

Ozmom wrote:

She concluded that fact because she knows her child

maybe

I await amother's response.

could be it's a "given" to send at three, and not sending at that age would raise eyebrows, and people would ask annoying questions, which then leads some mothers into thinking that they're incapable of nurturing their child at home

it's likely that others are assuming that of course she'll be sending the child to school, both because of the age and also because there will be two others at home, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has been asked many times: So, where are you sending him/her? Full day? half day?

micki

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 7:06 pm

you know my son should also be starting school next year- its from 9:30 - 12:30 but he will be the youngest in his class. the cut off is dec.15 and he is born dec. 3
he is very verbal and playful, and I think he will do well but I wonder what will he feel if he does not go. amothers son is the oldest, so he does not know what school is yet, but a kid who when we leave the house, he also takes a backpack with him- he knows that he gets left behind.
of course it will be easier for ME if he stays home, but I think it will be detrimental to HIM if he stays home. becasue he so much wants to go now already.
so yes every mother knows her child- I know mine should go. but should hers? if school is more stressful and the kid does not yet know what its all about? there also is an option to have him start and if its not good, then stop.

but as someone said, stop telling yourself how hard it will be. instead think of ways to make it easier. because somehow we manage.
I'll never forget the friday that I had company coming, no cleaning lady, surprised with no school for the kids- husband working that friday, pregnant 8 months, didn't start cooking for shabbos, AND 3 cake decorating orders that had to be done before shabbos. they were due moitze shabbos.
I started freaking and working myself up and was sure I would NEVER be able to do it all.
then I started thinking one thing at a time- and you know what? that friday we were ready to light candles 40 min BEFORE it was time, the house was clean, orders filled, food cooked - ok I was bone exhausted- but I had those 40 min. to rest BEFORE shabbos!!!
so looking back I do not know how I did it- but I/we did!!!
so keep a positive attitude and all will work out.

1stimer

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 4:37 am

Quote:

Also if you are preggies you shouldn't be having coffee, unless you use the caffeine free

you are allowed some caffiene when pregnant/nursing. I think it is about 3 cups of instant coffee.

Personally, I do try to keep down my caffeine when nursing - I try not to have more than two cups a day. But I wouldn't manage without a cup of coffee in the morning!

Pearl

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 6:22 am

amother, it seems all overwhelming now, but it's possible for your biological clock to adjust to the new situation after the baby is born, iyh.

sending your child to school might actually help get you in a schedule which might work for you, provided you will be able to nap during the day.

try not to worry too much and try to get as much sleep as possible now!

be well

hindyandrafi

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 11:15 am

hadasa wrote:

This may sound weird, but in my experience, using whole wheat instead of white bread results in my needing much less sleep! And the difference is even more pronounced during pregnancy, when I find white flour weighs me down and makes me want to sleep a whole day.

OH YEAH!!!! BIG TIME>>>>>

cutting out all white flour is soooooooooooo hard, but you will notice how much better you feel....

amother

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 11:32 am

motek, you are right that people will raise their eyebrows if I dont send him. though technically he doesnt have to start till age 4. he is the youngest in his class. so maybe I dont have to send him, but at the same time getting 3 kids out of the house to do the shopping, is going to be very very difficult. although getting them out every single morning and afternoon is no less difficult. I'm also a little scared of having 3 kids at home at once, I'll never get any housework done!!
although at the same time the 2 oldest can entertain each other, and I would have to be the one entertaining #2 if my oldest is not home. just thinking out loud.
I dont know what to do.
it would certainly make my life easier not to have to stick to a schedule yet. though that could also be the best thing for me.
I always wish I could wake up early and get more things done during the day. but at least if I can go to sleep more than just an hour after my kids do, I would be able to get things done at night.

I dont drink any coffee, but maybe I should start!!!

proudmom

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 1:04 pm

amother, you can get your stuff done when the kids are taking their naps. I do it when I have all my 3 kids home. Or I even ask the oldest one to help me with getting the stuff done or I ask the oldest to keep an eye on the others while I do something. The transition from 2 to 3 is very hard. It took me a while to get used to it. It takes time.

About the shopping why dont you ask you husband to go shopping for you when he gets home from work? What about asking him to take your child to school in the begining until things settle down?

Motek

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 2:51 pm

amother - if you didn't send him to school, would you be able to arrange for him to play with other children in the afternoon? Because that would 1) enable you to have stress-free mornings 2) he would benefit from being home with a mother who is happy to have him 3) he would get to socialize and have a change of scenery by playing with other children 4) while he was out you could shop

but then, you'd have to reciprocate ... have other kids coming to you, and maybe you don't want that

also, thinking out loud Smile

yehudis

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 4:14 pm

amother, if you are seriously considering keeping him home (which I think is a wonderful idea -- the longer the better Smile

), try to find other mothers with 3-year-olds at home. Maybe you could do a merry-go-around a couple of times per week, and the rest of the time he'll be with you. Or even if you don't do that, you could get together every week, at a park or some other place, so the children can play and the mommies can discuss ideas on what to do with the children at home (projects, books, etc.)

Also, as far as shopping, can you get your groceries delivered?

Rivka

Sat, Mar 12 2005, 6:49 pm

Amother have you thought of first trying having your oldest at home and see how it goes and then if it is too stressful are you then able to put him in school? Another reason for doing that is because at the begining you don't want a routine but after a couple of months I think you will find you do need one and it's also an easy way to put the new baby into a routine as well. I don't know how they work if they would take in the middle of the school year. But it would give you a chance of trying either apporoach.
Also you have to do what is right for you and not be pressurised from other people. I send my son to nursery 4 hours a day but that is because I have to coz I am working, but he loves it and he's two. I have seen the older children who are aged 3-4 and they seem to love it, always playing and when I walk through they all seem happy. So if you do send your son don't feel bad about it either and think you are being a bad mother. Kids do need to be stimulated and they get the socialising and stimulation at nursery, you don't need to send all day, it's usually half a day for kids that age (9-12pm)

supermom

Sun, Mar 13 2005, 8:03 am

I couldn't even imagine myself with three kids at home at once. I would go senial not sure of spelling. You would be surprised how much your daughter would love nursery even at three years old. And keeping them there all day won't exactly do her harm but might actually do her good. How much strength do you think you are going to have when she comes home? If it were me nothing, I would be finished especially having two home all day. I would try putting her in for two weeks for full time and ask the teacher how she is handling up if she is doing very well then I would keep her all day.

Teaching a child at home doesn't always have the same effect as if a child is in school. My daughter learns more in school than I would ever have the time and patients for at home.

Pearl

Mon, Mar 14 2005, 5:20 am

I am with supermom on this.
although I must say that in israel it's very very normal to send your child to day care all day. where I live now in europe, it's not accepted so much.
anyway, if it's a nice day care, good atmosphere etc, why not give it a try? your child might actually enjoy it so much!

Quote:

I'm also a little scared of having 3 kids at home at once, I'll never get any housework done!!

you sound very overwhelmed, amother. for now, don't worry about what the house will look like! I don't remember where it was discussed, but some mothers said some very wise words about how their house looks ("if somebody doesn't like it, they are welcome to clean!" Wink

). I am trying to say, when your house is not the cleanest/tidiest in the world - how bad is that, really??!! more important is your sanity, your children will benefit from that much more than from a sparkling floor!

Quote:

it would certainly make my life easier not to have to stick to a schedule yet. though that could also be the best thing for me

it will give you more peace of mind, and the schedule will come with time.
see if, in time, maybe you can get a cleaning lady to help you, or have your groceries delivered etc.