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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
I can't handle being a parent anymore. I want to run away.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 3:56 pm
I can't take it anymore. My 4.5 yo is so horrendous, I can't even fathom it. I was the perfect goody two-shoes. I listened to EVERYTHING my parents said. I was never in trouble and I am just having the worst time being a parent to my son.

He's horrible, awful, disrespectful and I can't handle him. There are rules that he has to follow. He doesn't. There are consequences to his actions. He doesn't care. He's DEFIANT - a word used by his therapists. (OT, PT, Speech and SEIT).

I just can't deal. Tonight has been horrible. I screamed, I even potched. He laughed and screamed and ran around me. I can't. Dh is away and I just can't.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 4:00 pm
take a deep breath. he's feeding off your tension. do you give yourself time-outs? do it when you need to. I'm not a fan of parenting classes, but perhaps you need one. I'm more a fan of parenting mentors. get one if you can. call dh to vent. when my dh is away, sometimes I call him so the kids can talk to him. this breaks up a lot of tension. my kids are also learning to dial their grandparents' phone number. bubby and zaidy chats are great distractions. you may be the only adult in the room, but you don't have to be the only adult present.

good luck.
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tzipp




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 4:04 pm
Oh my, that is hard!

Ok, so here's the thing, set the limits, YOU set the limits, and again set the limits.
time out, for him for you, do it, be strong, Supernanny style. Go watch the show. Yeah and give yoruself timeout too. Let us know how it goes.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 4:06 pm
Oh honey, hugs to you. Being a parent is not easy by any means, especially when you have a child acting difficult. My toddler was also screaming tonight and I calmly talked to him, he ignored me so I walked away so I could take a deep breath. When he saw I wasn't paying attention to him, he slowly calmed down and was able to talk to me. I know this doesn't work in every situation but just know, you are not alone (my dh wasn't home either tonight and it was quite challenging)
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 4:16 pm
So much of the description sounds like my son. I just want to tell you that it does get better. Besides for all the therapy hopefully kicking in, time just has a way of making things easier. Just when I thought I would give up, I seemed to have turned the corner.
Hopefully, that corner is just a few steps ahead for you!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 6:07 pm
I cant imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know firsthand that ohel has a new program geared to mothers who have children under age five. 718 382 0045.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 6:42 pm
OP here -
I want to thank everyone for your comments. B"H I didn't end it totally horribly.

I screamed and yelled, etc. etc. It was so bad - my ds was being horrific.

B"H, I calmed myself down. Held my baby (2 yo) for a long time and finally put him to bed. Then, I went in to 4 yo ds and lay down with him. we talked for a long time and hugged and I rubbed his back. The end was good, but getting there was horrible.

My fault. All my fault. I'm going to research defiant children...look for my thread Smile
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 6:42 pm
If your son is getting therapy, it's probably his special needs that cause him to be this way. Hugs.
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sarachana




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:05 pm
amother wrote:
OP here -
I want to thank everyone for your comments. B"H I didn't end it totally horribly.

I screamed and yelled, etc. etc. It was so bad - my ds was being horrific.

B"H, I calmed myself down. Held my baby (2 yo) for a long time and finally put him to bed. Then, I went in to 4 yo ds and lay down with him. we talked for a long time and hugged and I rubbed his back. The end was good, but getting there was horrible.

My fault. All my fault. I'm going to research defiant children...look for my thread Smile


I am confused as to why you think it all your fault???
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:12 pm
sarachana wrote:
amother wrote:
OP here -
I want to thank everyone for your comments. B"H I didn't end it totally horribly.

I screamed and yelled, etc. etc. It was so bad - my ds was being horrific.

B"H, I calmed myself down. Held my baby (2 yo) for a long time and finally put him to bed. Then, I went in to 4 yo ds and lay down with him. we talked for a long time and hugged and I rubbed his back. The end was good, but getting there was horrible.

My fault. All my fault. I'm going to research defiant children...look for my thread Smile


I am confused as to why you think it all your fault???


Op her e-
Because I'm the adult and I did not control my anger and my behavior appropriately.

On another note. I've been reading up on ODD and it fits my son perfectly and I'm so sad, more like devastated.
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Amital




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:13 pm
Hang in there, OP. There are always ups and downs, and especially with dh away, things are bound to be off. Researching how to handle future issues will help for the future, but for now, give yourself a break. It sounds like it's resolved for now, and replenishing yourself now will be good for you.
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sarachana




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:26 pm
amother wrote:
sarachana wrote:
amother wrote:
OP here -
I want to thank everyone for your comments. B"H I didn't end it totally horribly.

I screamed and yelled, etc. etc. It was so bad - my ds was being horrific.

B"H, I calmed myself down. Held my baby (2 yo) for a long time and finally put him to bed. Then, I went in to 4 yo ds and lay down with him. we talked for a long time and hugged and I rubbed his back. The end was good, but getting there was horrible.

My fault. All my fault. I'm going to research defiant children...look for my thread Smile


I am confused as to why you think it all your fault???


Op her e-
Because I'm the adult and I did not control my anger and my behavior appropriately.

On another note. I've been reading up on ODD and it fits my son perfectly and I'm so sad, more like devastated.


that is precisely the point, its NOT your fault, your son has special needs that make it very challenging for you and your doing the best you can. Tomorrow is a new day and a second chance to be an even better mommy.
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Depressed




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:32 pm
amother wrote:
I can't take it anymore. My 4.5 yo is so horrendous, I can't even fathom it. I was the perfect goody two-shoes. I listened to EVERYTHING my parents said. I was never in trouble and I am just having the worst time being a parent to my son.

He's horrible, awful, disrespectful and I can't handle him. There are rules that he has to follow. He doesn't. There are consequences to his actions. He doesn't care. He's DEFIANT - a word used by his therapists. (OT, PT, Speech and SEIT).

I just can't deal. Tonight has been horrible. I screamed, I even potched. He laughed and screamed and ran around me. I can't. Dh is away and I just can't.


Dont worry, my MIL a"h said that when dh was 4, now I am saying it and he is 50..
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Depressed




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:38 pm
OP.... look into food allergies, how many sweets does he get a day, is he all hyped up on sugar..
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:46 pm
Really, you weren't defiant at all? I must say that I'm very suprised. Most kids will do everything in the world to test you. I'd label all my kids defiant if that's how we determine it. I think it's perfectly normal. I don't scream or carry on, I make them face the consequences of their misbehavior. Either they won't be able to play something that they like or I won't read that book they wanted me to read to them or something like that. Mainly though, I try to keep it positive instead of negative though. So if they say "NO, I'm not going to brush my teeth" for example I might say if you're good and do what I say right away then I'll read you a good story or I'll write you a mitzvah note. Things like that. To me a four year old is still practically a baby, I wouldn't take it so personally.
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:46 pm
Depressed wrote:


Dont worry, my MIL a"h said that when dh was 4, now I am saying it and he is 50..


Uh, is that supposed to make OP feel better?
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sugarplum




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 7:51 pm
sarachana wrote:
amother wrote:
sarachana wrote:
amother wrote:
OP here -
I want to thank everyone for your comments. B"H I didn't end it totally horribly.

I screamed and yelled, etc. etc. It was so bad - my ds was being horrific.

B"H, I calmed myself down. Held my baby (2 yo) for a long time and finally put him to bed. Then, I went in to 4 yo ds and lay down with him. we talked for a long time and hugged and I rubbed his back. The end was good, but getting there was horrible.

My fault. All my fault. I'm going to research defiant children...look for my thread Smile


I am confused as to why you think it all your fault???


Op her e-
Because I'm the adult and I did not control my anger and my behavior appropriately.

On another note. I've been reading up on ODD and it fits my son perfectly and I'm so sad, more like devastated.


that is precisely the point, its NOT your fault, your son has special needs that make it very challenging for you and your doing the best you can. Tomorrow is a new day and a second chance to be an even better mommy.
Thumbs Up

Yes we are the adults but we have feelings too and we are allowed to make mistakes.
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Depressed




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 8:03 pm
mommyla wrote:
Depressed wrote:


Dont worry, my MIL a"h said that when dh was 4, now I am saying it and he is 50..


Uh, is that supposed to make OP feel better?


LOL lighten up, once you lose your sense of humor your finished. I can virtually guarantee you that my tzuris, will top anyone on this thread. My humor is all that keeps me going...
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 8:55 pm
Hug

I've BTDT. Some kids are just wired like that. They will always keep testing and don't care much about any consequences.

We all lose our temper and scream at times. Try hard to refrain from potching - it doesn't really help and then you feel bad about it anyway. Removing yourself and/or your child is sometimes helpful in cooling things down.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2011, 11:39 pm
Op-I am social worker who specializes in childhood issues. If all of your therapists are using the word defiant for a 4 year old you are right to be concerned. You are in over your head and need professional HELP. Normal parenting classes are not going to do it for a child that needs a mental health evaluation. You can reasearch all you want but the internet is not a replacement for a good mental health professional (one who knows kids). Please call today and make an appointment to have him evaluated there is so much you can do to help him at this age. Don't blame yourself just get him help. If you continue to try on your own instead of getting him the help he needs (which I see you are trying your best with all his current therapies) he will be able to ask you why you didn't help him then and save all the problems he is having later on in life. If he is out of the realm of normal behavior he doesn't need discipline he needs HELP. Please get it for him and you asap.
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