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happyone




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 25 2006, 12:19 am
Dear All,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a K'siva Vachasima Tova (that's hebrew for those of you reading it for the forth and fifth time) and a happy and healthy new year.




OH YEAH........ AND A LITTLE HUMOR TO BRING IN THE NEW YEAR.





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SYNAGOGUE SEATING REQUEST FORM

During the last holiday season, many Individuals expressed concern over the
seating
arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will
best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it
to the synagogue office as soon as possible.


1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)

___ Talking section
___ No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)

___ Stock market
___ Medicine
___ Congregants' secret medical tsures
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose:)
___ The rabbi
___ The cantor
___ The cantor's voice
___ The cantor's wife
___ The cantor's wife's voice
___ The rabbi's wife
___ The rabbi's "secretary"
___ Fashion news
___ What others are wearing
___ Why they look awful
___ Your neighbors
___ Your relatives
___ Your neighbors' relatives
___ Presidental Election
___ relations (Preference:______________________ )
___ Who's cheating on/having an affair with whom
___Other:_______________________________

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional
advice?

___ Doctor
___ Dentist
___ Nutritionist
___ Psychiatrist
___ Child psychiatrist
___ Mother in law
___ Podiatrist
___ Chiropractor
___ Stockbroker
___ Accountant
___ Lawyer
___ Criminal
___ Civil
___ Real estate agent
___ Architect
___ Plumber
___ Buyer (Specify store:_______________________ )
___ Sexologist
___ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish
One]
___ Other:____________________________

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)

___ On the aisle
___ Near the exit
___ Near the window
___ In Aruba
___ Near the bathroom
___ Near my in-laws
___ As far away from my in-laws as possible
___ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
___ Near the pulpit
___ Near the Kiddush table
___ Near single men
___ Near available women
___ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during
services
___ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
___ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional
charge]

5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
___ I can see my spouse over the mechitza (curtain
separating the sexes)
___ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
___ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
___ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse
over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining
another congregation.)
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________

Your name:_________________________________

Building fund pledge: $________________________
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