How do we know what our personal mission is?

avi0903

Thu, May 26 2011, 9:29 pm

If we begin with the belief that we are each here because Hashem specifically wants each of us here, then where does that lead us? It must force us to ask so what is our purpose? What is my personal mission?

I have been struggling with this for the longest time. I married young, because I wanted to be a mother. But I think due to my schooling and upbringing, I never thought beyond that. My purpose was to raise a family. Well, for better or worse, my kids are mostly done. So what's next?

How do I fulfill my mission? What is our mission?

Do you all feel that you have discovered your mission? Do you fulfill it? How do you know what it is?

Grandmama

Thu, May 26 2011, 9:57 pm

I learned that women are brought onto this world, to assist the men in their lives. This can be a husband, sons, father and/or brothers. Women are born to be ezer knegdo, and in kabbala this means that men have to fulfill certain mitzvos and women are here to assist them. We nurture and feed the men, they learn the Torah, and keep certain mitzvos that they have to do, while we are not mechuyav in these mitzvos. By being there for them, we share in their rewards.
That said, we don't really know or never really find out why we are here and why some of us are here longer than others, or why some of us suffer and others have things easier.
Basically if we try to fulfill the mitzvos, especially the ones given to women, and in general the other mitzvos in the Torah, and we try to make a kiddush Hashem whenever we can and wherever we go, we are Hashem's children.
Men and women are created as one, then they need to find each other to become whole again, and together to fulfill their tafkid in life.

bigsis144

Thu, May 26 2011, 10:31 pm

Grandmama wrote:

I learned that women are brought onto this world, to assist the men in their lives. This can be a husband, sons, father and/or brothers. Women are born to be ezer knegdo, and in kabbala this means that men have to fulfill certain mitzvos and women are here to assist them. We nurture and feed the men, they learn the Torah, and keep certain mitzvos that they have to do, while we are not mechuyav in these mitzvos. By being there for them, we share in their rewards.
That said, we don't really know or never really find out why we are here and why some of us are here longer than others, or why some of us suffer and others have things easier.
Basically if we try to fulfill the mitzvos, especially the ones given to women, and in general the other mitzvos in the Torah, and we try to make a kiddush Hashem whenever we can and wherever we go, we are Hashem's children.
Men and women are created as one, and they need to find each other to become whole again, and together to fulfill their tafkid in life.

I wish I could express my feelings about that more eloquently, but here's it bluntly:
I sure hope not.

For a while, I tried to be okay with that, even used a "mashal" from one of my favorite books: Hashem created me to be the Samwise Gamgee to a Frodo. And that's an essential role, irreplaceable and unique.

But maybe I'm not so frum anymore, because I hope the concept of "olam nivra bishvili" means that I, myself, no matter my circumstances and whether I have any men in my life, have a PURPOSE.

avi0903

Thu, May 26 2011, 10:44 pm

I like your mashal about Sam and Frodo. Very concise, says it all.

I also was raised to think I am here to be ezer k'negdo, and didn't question it much. That's why I'm here where I am, feeling so unsatisfied. Not unhappy, because I feel very blessed. But I have this vague feeling that I must be here for something unique to me. Otherwise, all women have exactly the same mission, yet we are all different, aren't we? We all have different strengths, weaknesses, etc.

If we are each unique, we must all have a unique mission.

How do I know what is my unique role to fill? The question nags at me.

PinkFridge

Thu, May 26 2011, 10:57 pm

Grandmama wrote:

I assume you are a grandmama so you have a few years on some of us (not necessarily me). This is what you learned. Have you felt it in your everyday life? Don't worry, there's no right or wrong answer, just curious.

techiemom

Thu, May 26 2011, 11:49 pm

This is such an interesting topic for reflection. I believe that our personal mission constantly ~~changes~~ develops as our lives change. As a youth, my mission was to learn - not just school learning, but the growth that turns us into adults. As a young wife, my mission was to learn to contribute to our partnership in a variety of ways (emotionally, financially) and build a Jewish home - and learn. As a young mother, my mission was to raise my children while continuing to be a good partner and continuing to learn. My kids are teens and 20s now, and in addition to still helping my husband and helping my kids transition into adulthood (and still make meals, etc.) I have been a teacher for a number of years, and in order to be a good teacher, I have to, yes, keep learning.

I believe stongly -- and I have this talk with my students as well as my own kids -- that in order to be a good role model and to earn the respect of husband and children and community, we have to respect ourselves. I believe that learning and trying to give back by helping others (including our family) goes a long way towards this. And by learning I mean ALL kinds of learning, from learning to cook and budget and do laundry to learning what to do about a child's special needs, and as someone who grew up in a conservadox household, learning laws that help me keep a kosher and shomer shabbos home.

I feel very lucky when I can combine my learning and helping by teaching others, and not just in school, but by giving a vegetarian cooking demo, by stepping in at our shul when we didn't have a youth leader, etc. I don't know if all this translates into a personal mission, but I figure as long as I keep growing in one way or another, and keep finding ways to give back some of life's blessings, I'm headed in the right direction.

Grandmama

Fri, May 27 2011, 12:50 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Grandmama wrote:

I did not make up the above, it is written in the kabballa. That is only one way to look at it though. My husband says there is no such thing as one tafkid or one specific mission. As long as we are alive, we have to keep on doing mitzvos and learning Torah and doing whatever good we can do.

As far as your question goes, it is interesting that you ask.
I have thought about it many times, as it is most interesting, in my case.
My father, my one and only brother, and my husband were born in the same month, 2 days apart from each other, in other words, (Hebrew dates) one was the 20th of the month, the other the 22nd, and the third the 24th. I was always there for my father, especially during the last years of his life. My brother needed my help many times throughout the years, and I was there for him as well. My husband is my better half, so of course I am there for him as well. I most definitely feel that I am married to my zivug and that we are in this world together, just as we will be IYH in eternity.
I have two sons, and as their mother, I like to think that I had something to do with the kind of people they are today. I tried my best, and the rest, of course, is up to them.

Now I am wondering if this piece of kabballa applies to grandsons as well??? Didn't occur to me before this thread got me thinking.

I also agree that we all have to think that the world was created for each one of us, and we are all "a world". We can also change the world with our seemingly small deeds, and that is for better or worse.
My personal mission translates to giving my children my experiences and my assistance to help them live better lives. Other missions include helping others, especially the ignored, the downtrodden, and the ones that need the help the most. My favorite mission, is to bring a smile to a child. I don't know if that is what was intended for me, I just know that is what I enjoy doing.

shalhevet

Fri, May 27 2011, 3:08 am

I learned in a class years ago an Akedas Yitzchak (he is a commentator on the chumash) on Rachel Imenu. She says to Yaakov Avinu 'Hava li banim - v'im ayin meita ani' - give me children, and if not I am dead.

Yaakov Avinu got angry at her - why? Because she was saying without children she has no purpose. But Yaakov Avinu says - no, you have a purpose as yourself too. We are isha (part of the ish) and also chava (in our own right).

I learned like Grandmama - that without helping men learn Torah we will not have the or - the light to light our containers of oil, but also that we have a purpose with ourselves - to do mitzvos (not just chessed and helping men) and work on our own middos.

I don't think the question is so much the grandiose one of what our mission is in life. I think it is more on an hour to hour or minute to minute basis - what is my tafkid now? If my baby is crying, my tafkid is obviously not to daven shmone esrei now. But maybe it will be 2 hours later when the baby is sleeping or 2 years later when he is in gan.

sunny90

Fri, May 27 2011, 4:16 am

shalhevet wrote:

I learned like Grandmama - that without helping men learn Torah we will not have the or - the light to light our containers of oil, but also that we have a purpose with ourselves - to do mitzvos (not just chessed and helping men) and work on our own middos.

I don't think the question is so much the grandiose one of what our mission is in life. I think it is more on an hour to hour or minute to minute basis - what is my tafkid now? If my baby is crying, my tafkid is obviously not to daven shmone esrei now. But maybe it will be 2 hours later when the baby is sleeping or 2 years later when he is in gan.

I like this!
I wonder about this all the time...I am in a situation in which I have been repeatedly put in my life--living somewhere I absolutely don't want to. The people I have asked for advice tell me--and I'm always trying to tell myself--G-d put me here for a reason, my most important job is to be a good wife and mother, but I should also look around me and see if there's anything I can contribute to the people around me. And obviously work on my bein adam l'makom--making MYSELF a better person, being the best ME I can be.

Last edited by sunny90 on Fri, May 27 2011, 7:50 am; edited 1 time in total

EvenI

Fri, May 27 2011, 6:38 am

This question is tied to the question of why Hashem created unique people instead of just one person or lots of identical people. Each person has a unique mix of traits, abilities, resources and external circumstances. Our purpose is to carry out G-d's will in our unique circumstances which makes a unique kiddush Hashem, revealing into the world a unique expression of Hashem's glory. The question of the role of all women or all men is just a question to understand what Hashem's wants from us. But our unique mission is to fulfill that will with our unique life. It's our own uniqueness that determines the challenges we face and hence our mission.

We shouldn't expect to be able to figure out the length and breadth of our mission in this world before we have fulfilled it. The mission develops as the person lives. She aspires to grow closer to Hashem, Hashem gives her nisyonos that she is cabable of passing due to her aspirations. She passes the nisayon, comes closer, and aspires to be closer still. Hashem gives her a new nisayon, a new challenge that brings her to the next step. the whole life is a journey. Travelling the journey is the mission.

ora_43

Fri, May 27 2011, 6:54 am

HindaRochel wrote:

I don't think we necessarily know our true mission. Our true mission could simply be giving a complete stranger a smile and a hello; that could be it.

I don't think we are suppose to live our lives trying to discover our mission. Rather we are (imho) suppose to live our lives upholding Torah law in such a way that we complete our mission in a positive way.

I love the way you put this.

shalhevet wrote:

I don't think the question is so much the grandiose one of what our mission is in life. I think it is more on an hour to hour or minute to minute basis - what is my tafkid now? If my baby is crying, my tafkid is obviously not to daven shmone esrei now. But maybe it will be 2 hours later when the baby is sleeping or 2 years later when he is in gan.

to this too.