Creepy guest...years later

amother

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 8:48 am

We had a very weird guest situation a number of years ago. Without going into very many details, our neighbors asked us to host a last minute guest for yom tov without telling us that the man was mentally ill. It was immediately obvious to us as soon as he came, and become even more obvious and unnerving as yom tov went on. He seemed harmless enough, but obviously ill, and not necessarily the kind of person you want around your kids. He overstayed his welcome, and didn't want to leave, and ultimately asked us if he could move in with us. We declined. He called us once or twice over the next year, but my dh handled all contact with him.

Fast forward about 3 years later, and out of the blue, the man calls and asks to speak to our 9 year old daughter!! I was beyond creeped out! It makes me so nervous that this man, after so many years, remembers my daughter, who at the time was only 5-6 years old, and that he's interested in speaking to her!
I'm tempted to change our number, but he could easily get it again. He also (obviously) knows where we live.

AGINY

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 9:07 am

If he makes any other contact, I would have my DH let him know that if he ever calls or comes near your house or your family you will call the police. The fact that he is mentally unstable is super scary in today's wacky world. I would be totally freaked out. Oh, and did you ever talk to the neighbour that asked you to host him? I would have a few harsh words for them as well.

Happy18

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 9:10 am

AGINY wrote:

I agree. You might not want to be harsh with the neighbor, I would definitely ask them about him.

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 9:57 am

I think the creep factor is so high in this scenario that I would probably report this suspicious activity to an authority about this man, what if your bit of information is just a piece of a larger puzzle, or the first hint that something is going very wrong with this man. Depending on where you live that could be a police officer or community organization that this man may be part of like Ohel/Bais Ezra - maybe he has a social worker.

That he is trying to call your daughter is something that would make me report him to someone.

ModaMama

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 10:23 am

I agree with and want to reiterate every word of above posts but add that if you get more information, go to authorities about this inappropriate contact you will be able to get proper police protection from future contact if heaven forbid you need it. If he has a case worker or some supervision they should know about this inappropriate contact and you should not just let it pass.

spinkles

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 11:16 am

What made him suddenly think of your daughter? Did he see her somewhere? I would talk to the counselors at her day camp (if she goes to one) and find out if he's been around there. Also wherever else she may have been...talk to people and find out if they've seen him nearby. That is so so scary that "out of the blue" he calls up wanting to talk to your daughter. I would not allow my child out of my sight from now on. And I think that calling the police is not enough. Time to get on the phone and start talking to whoever knows him, and asking a lot of questions; you need to know as much info as possible about this guy. Where does he live, where does he daven, has his behavior changed recently, who helps him, etc. You must must must know as much as possible about him in order to protect your family.

ROFL

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 11:18 am

Please talk to your neighbor who introduced you to this man. Find out where they know him from. If you can find out if he ahs a social worker. You can call the social worker but she may not be able to talk to you because of confidentiality laws. If she says she can't discuss this man tell her she does not have to say anything you just want to tell her what happened.

Anon1

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 1:45 pm

Him asking about your daughter is horrifying. I would definitely speak to the police,so there is some kind of record.... Also find out from the neighbor if there is a social worker or similar that is involved with him,that this can be reported to as well,so they keep a better eye on him.I'm not sure what they can do,but this sounds like a dangerous situation brewing G-d Forbid.Oh-and also,ask your daughter if she;'s seen him anywhere recently;tell her teachers/counselors to be on the look out...
Good luck !!

happyone

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 2:36 pm

OMG! I'd freak out too! Please talk to your neighbor and find out if he's in the area at all. If he is, I would mention the name to authorities to find out if there's a history. Keep an eye on your daughter!

ModaMama

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 2:43 pm

I don't want to even suggest that this is the case as this unwanted contact might be inappropriate but harmless BUT so others can be aware, you can search for registered relations offenders through www.familywatchdog.us by a given address or by a name.

chocolate moose

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 3:18 pm

I had a guest like that from a neighbor. Look, even mentally ill people need a Shabbos meal, right? and if you have a really big table, or 2 or 3 tables, he maybe even would just blend in.

Not so by us. We run a pretty tight ship, certainly when we had little kids. We only took guests by day anyway, and davening was done on time, kiddush was made right after, and we all had a nap after that. Our guest made other arrangements when he realized he couldn't just show up at 4 PM and make kiddush.

ElTam

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 6:09 pm

This may sound like overreacting but I would call the police--not 911 but the non-emergency line for your town. Explain what happened and ask if a detective can call you and give you any advice/guidance.

I also would want to know if he has any other access to your daughter elsewhere--camp, school--as the other poster mentioned.

Raizle

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 8:43 pm

I wouldn't wait to see if he contacts again, I'd report to authorities right away and ask for advice.
I also second what Eltam said and find out if he has access to her or viewing ability in any way.
How is it that he thought of her all this time later. It would make me more then a little concerned and suspicious.

Please keep us posted

StrawberrySmoothie

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 10:17 pm

Speak to a competent professional and ask them how to speak to your daughter or have them speak to her directly and find out if he ever molested her or attempted to when he was a guest by you.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 10:29 pm

I second all the above.

Do you have his full name, or can you get it from the neighbor? You need to Google it, and search for any criminal history, court records or other weird reports on him. You'd be surprised what you can find out about people that way. Information is power.

As I always tell my daughter, "Don't be scared, be AWARE."

shirachadasha

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 10:35 pm

I would not wait for him to do something else- he's already done enough to demonstrate that you can't trust him. Obviously you should not embellish the truth when you report the story. But I think that just the story you told is enough to warrant police attention.

amother

Mon, Aug 15 2011, 3:02 pm

1. Talk to your daughter to beware of him (so she shouldn't trust him thinking he was a guest in your house and you trust him....) Teach her to be empowered but not afraid.

2. REPORT HIM!

3. Mentally ill people need shabbos meals too, but it should be done voluntarily. You were tricked into this. We used to have some strange guests, but since we had kids, no "strange" strangers in our home. your children's safety trumps the needs of anyone else. So I would confront the neighbor (in a nice way, they probably thought they were doing the right thing) and let them know that you should have been given the choice for this mitzvah and not have been tricked into it. I would even add that you would have said no, and that it was not right to force it on you. Let them know the situation now.