Got a dog.Think it was a mistake.Did this happen to a/o else

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:01 am

I know I posted another post a while back asking questions about dogs.
Well, now we have one and I did not realize the extent of the responsibility.
I am not sure that I am cut out for it.
My husband is at work all day.
My 3 year old is in gan most of the day.
I do not have the time or energy or the desire to have to do this all by myself.
I have many things right now in my life that I am meant to be dealing with that make it so hard to have to or want to deal with a new animal in my home/life right now.

So I guess I want to know if anyone else here got a pet (dog or something similar, maybe cat) and then shortly after gave it away?
I know that my husband really really really really wanted/s a dog and I think that I just felt a sort of "obligation" (or whatever word you want to use) to get a dog.
I did not think about all of the responsibility falling 99% on me.
And now I actually feel physically sick since the dog has come into our lives.
I feel terrible and I know that this will be a source of contrition for myself and my husband, but I really do not know if I want to do this.

Anyone?

justforfun87

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:06 am

I posted to your other thread. It seems like you just got the dog yesterday? You need to give it a few weeks to become adjusted. Saying it is too much like a day later is way to soon to make a decision. This is an adjustment period for both you and the dog. If you decide to ditch the dog, give it to a family and not the shelter where they WILL put it down. For the sake of the dog, take a deep breath and agree to give it one month! You will feel much better.

ra_mom

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:09 am

Pets are a big obligation. I think it's fine to admit that it's too much for you, and find it another home.

Dogs especially need a lot of attention and care. If it's too much for you, you're doing the right thing by giving it up and concentrating on your family.

(If you do feel like you want a pet, cats need less care. Hamsters even less so. But even though those 2 clean themselves and don't need to be enterained much, their litter still needs to be changed, food everyday, etc.)

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:59 am

It takes awhile for a pet to become adjusted to a new home.
Animals are a lot of responsibility.

HOWEVER, your dh, though gone most of the day, can walk the dog in the morning and in the evening when he gets home from work and at night before he goes to bed.

Since the dog is young it probably needs to go out five times during the day. As the dog gets older it needs less walking, and morning and evening, and maybe before bed will be enough.

Animals add quite a bit to ones life, and while it is hard now, your child will benefit from the contact both physically (less asthma and chance of allergies) and emotionally. Animals add to people's lives.

Maybe you can get someone, a teenager or adolescent, to walk the dog in the afternoon for a bit of money.
Or maybe there is someone in your area who can't own a dog for whatever reason, but would love to care for the dog a bit (I have a friend who is in that position).

Dogs need baths very infrequently, depending on their fur type. They do need love and attention though. But it isn't so hard to play with a dog... and they are good exercise!

What kind of dog do you have?

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:10 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

Quote:

He can not walk him in the morning. He gets up at 6 AM and leaves about 25 minutes later. Today the dog only woke up at 6:15. So the vast majority of the responsibilities is on me.

Quote:

Animals add quite a bit to ones life, and while it is hard now, your child will benefit from the contact both physically (less asthma and chance of allergies) and emotionally. Animals add to people's lives.

I know this. Thanks. those were some of the reasons why my husband wanted a dog so much.

Quote:

What kind of dog do you have?

Not sure. The mother was some sort of purebred. I forgot and the father we dont know. The mother was in heat and the father jumped their fence and 9 months later there was a litter of pups.

Maybe it was just the wrong time for us to get one (I have so many things that are on top of my head right now, I am really not sure what I was thinking when I said OK to my husband. Crying

)

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:18 pm

slushiemom wrote:

Yup. We got one, cuz my dh and both kids really wanted one. I actually only agreed after the itamar incident. I tried really hard but I'm not a dog person, and I was really grossed out by it. It lasted two weeks, then I had enough. No more dog, I'm so happy and dh knows that I really did try.

Glad to know that I am not nuts. The thing is, is that I think I am not even going to last a week. Am I a total failure, you think? Or just not a dog person. I always thought that I was, but now I see, I am SOOOOO NOOOT a dog person.

Happy 2B

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:25 pm

you are not a total failure it's a big undertaking and like someone else said perhaps now is not the right time.

If it's not going to work out find the dog another home... It could be this dog's temperment or something is not best match for you either.

Different dogs have different needs not that they are not all work they are but it could be this dog at this time is not best for you.

Find him another home and give yourself a break know that you tried and next time start with an easier pet like a bunny, bird or fish! Smile

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:31 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Maybe it was just the wrong time for us to get one (I have so many things that are on top of my head right now, I am really not sure what I was thinking when I said OK to my husband. Crying

)

How long have you had the dog now?
BTW, if your dh was pushing you to get the dog then I really think he CAN get up earlier. So he gets up at 5:30, daven/eat then, wakes the dog and takes him for a walk at 6am, then brings the dog home at 6:15. (The dog doesn't need more than a 15min walk). And he can walk him whenever he gets home, 15 minutes later, and then at 11pm before bed.

If he doesn't want to do this, then it really isn't fair to you. But please don't leave him at a shelter if you can at all avoid it...that will probably be the end of the dog.

If you really come to the decision that you can't keep him, let me know...I'll be back in Israel IM"H on the 13th, though probably won't get on the computer till the 14th. I'll post on twitter and FB and google+ to try and find him a home for you. Give me a picture or two of the dog, his size, expected size, basic characteristics etc. I wish I could take him but I can't.

marina

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:57 pm

This happened to me.

My kids and dh begged for a puppy. I gave in. Then I ended up being the one to take care of it and also it turned out that the dog was of a breed that needs THREE HOURS a day of walking and needed a lot of training not to be wild, destroy furniture, jump on people, bark day and night, etc, etc. It was so so stressful. I did not have time for any of it, it was my second & third year in law school.

I lasted 6 months. Then I said enough is enough. I looked and looked and found someone to take the dog. It was so lucky that my brother in NYC was looking for a pet and had the time & desire to take care of and train a dog.

I paid for all the vet bills and the shipping and sent the dog away to NYC. I prepared my kids as best I could, but they were still upset for a while. But the dog is doing great. I get facebook pictures and updates and supposedly he trained the dog so well that no one would even recognize that this puppy was so wild before.

It was also difficult to do because I knew my husband would be upset. He was sad and moped around for a while and I didn't want to deal with the blame. But I emphasized how long I stuck it out and how we were not able to give the dog what it needed, etc.

Last edited by marina on Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

ElTam

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:59 pm

Random thoughts: I don't think you've given it a fair chance at only having it for such a short length of time. Would you give any other relationship less than a week.

Did you get a puppy? What kind? It will most likely get easier as the dog ages, as long as you educate yourself on instilling good habits in the dog. yes, you have to be mechanech the dog, too. ;-)

If your DH wanted the dog, he needs to be willing to get up 10 mins earlier to walk it. It's not fair to want adog but expect someone else to do the care.

As another poster said, if you give it a fair try, Dh kicks in and it still doesn't work, I think you have an obligation to find a new home or rescue situation. You cannot take it to a shelter; you are almost certain sending the dog to its death.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:04 pm

marina wrote:

I dont know if I am going to last a week.
There is just so much on my plate now. We just moved to a new community. We (read me more than my DH) were miserable where we were (I was so depressed, I can not even start to explain how bad it was for me where we were) Then BH a month ago we move. I am ecstatic. I am over the moon. Then we get this dog and well, lets just say that I am farther down depressed than I was where we were just living. Its bad, really bad. Its making me physically ill. Should I feel bad? Or stand my ground that this is just not for me and not right now.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:06 pm

ElTam wrote:

we would not send it to a shelter, we would find it a new home, of course, no doubt about it.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:09 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Maybe it was just the wrong time for us to get one (I have so many things that are on top of my head right now, I am really not sure what I was thinking when I said OK to my husband. Crying

)

I can ask my husband to get up earlier. I will try that for now. But I still will have the brunt of the urine and BMs on the floor until we get him trained. (Oy and dont talk to me about how hard it is to put him in the crate. that was murder today.
As for waiting for the 13th, if I decide that this is really not for me, I am going to tell my husband in the nest day or so.
If I told everyone all of the things that are on my head to do right now and to train a dog in nmber 1000000 on the list, its just so daunting and on top of everything else. I just dont know.... Crying

grace413

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:21 pm

I feel your pain. Around Shavous, my 14 year old DD brought home a puppy. For some strange reason DH, who had previously been anti-dog, felt this might be good for DD. I didn't want to fight it cuz I'm always the party pooper around here.

It's not a total disaster; the dog has a good temperment and is not too demanding. I made it clear that it would be DD's responsibility and that other than taking it to the vet and buying it food, it was all up to her. So she's mostly responsible but I have to nudge her and sometimes she says it's too hard for her but now I feel guilty.

Since your DD is too young to take care of a dog and your DH is the one who wanted the dog, he has to find a way to do most of the work. How is the dog's temperment? Can you see it possibly being beneficial for DD? Do you have a yard?

Have a serious talk with DH about what he can do for the dog and then you need to make a decision together.

Good Luck.

marina

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:25 pm

Quote:

If it is very difficult then give the dog away and don't feel bad. It's not the right time and that's it.

But if you want to try to keep it longer, here are some tips:

1. buy dog biscuits and get it into the crate with that. Like put the treats in and it will go in afterwards and then you lock the gate.

2. Tie it up outside if you can, on a stake or whatever. It is out of your hair that way and not constantly jumping on stuff. if it barks outside, too bad. You need a rest.

3. There are services which will train your dog for you... you give the dog to them and for a hefty fee they will keep your dog for two weeks and train it. Is that something you could do financially?

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:28 pm

marina wrote:

Quote:

We dont have a yard really that I could tie him to anything out there. We have grass but there is nothign out there.
We had a dog trainer come today to show us how to use the whole crate thing. We had hot dogs at home, so we are using that as the treat for the crate.
Money wise I am not sure I could do the dog trainer thing you mentioned, also I am not sure they have such services in Israel.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:32 pm

grace413 wrote:

About it being beneficial for my daughter, yes, I can see that, but if I am completely miserable, then what good would it be, you know?
a yard, as I mentioned we have grass but not for a dog to run around unsupervised in. its open.
my husband cant do most of the work as he is gone at 630 in the am and gets home at 730 pm.

Gosh, I am jsut reading this and realizing, I said that I would try to live it out for two more days, how in the world am I going to do that. I am getting hot flashes just thinking about that. Crying

gold21

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:59 pm

shabbat, youre cute, of course you should give up the dog if youre that miserable! its not even a question. its obvious. youre miserable and you need to give up the dog. its a no-brainer for me. have you heard of the term "the good enough mother" (some psychologist coined that phrase)? you dont have to be the Alpha Mom, Mrs Perfecto, to raise a happy child. youre a very good mom and if you cant handle the dog, it wont make or break your daughter's childhood. accept yourself and move on. g'luck.