How to get DH on board with budgeting/financial plan?

amother

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 10:35 pm

So I know how to make and stick to a budget. In theory.

But DH, no matter how often I explain things to him, just can't/won't get on board with it. His parents have awful spending habits, especially regarding food, so that's where he gets a lot of this mindset from.

1) he spends $200 a month eating out breakfast and lunch near where he works. Several times a month he wants us to both eat out because we 'never do' and if I protest he gets all bitter and annoyed with me.
2) he insists on chicken/meat/fish for supper EVERY night. Otherwise he endlessly complains about how hungry he still is and how there was nothing to eat.
3) he's addicted to Diet Coke.
4) he drives everywhere, even locally where he could easily walk/bus.

So many more examples, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Basically, he's unwilling to give up any of his creature comforts so that we can save more money. He's working at a job he hates that barely pays enough to cover our expenses. Why doesn't he find a new job? Because he's waiting for the perfect opportunity to fall into his lap and start his own business. *eyeroll*

So how are we managing? By slowly depleting our savings. Sad

Help!

ElTam

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 11:57 pm

I believe Mesilah offers its services for free, but as far as I can see, there isn't a branch in NY. Look around though, I could be wrong. Google mesila. THey have a form to contact their international division.

If you check out the book The Complete Tightwad Gazette from the library, there is an article in it about converting a spendthrift spouse to more frugal ways. It might have some good ideas for you.

My DH isn't so bad, but he does have the habit of buying sodas from the vending machine and coffee from the shop. Then I add up how much he is spending and how much he could be spending if he bought the six-pack of soda from Wal*Mart and stuck it in the fridge at work. It usually gets him back on track. But, he comes from a family of savers.

I would talk to your DH not in terms of what you want him to do without, but in terms of "we can x OR we can have y. We cannot have both. We can have breakfast out every day, or we can have enough money to put a really nice downpayment on a new car in a year." That way maybe he'll focus more on the fact that he's going to get something he wouldn't otherwise.

Also, compromise, compromise, compromise. Could you get him to agree on eating breakfast and lunch from home two days a week? That way he can still eat out three days a week. Even if you don't get everything you want, it can make a difference. Agree to go out together once a month but not twice. Work with him to find compromises that he can stick to. Hopefully if he sees you giving in, he will want to do the same. Talk to him. Explain that you respect that he wants to do x, y, and z, and you need him to respect that you want to not touch your savings and start adding to that savings for future larger expenses. It seems like that there could be a win-win situation. (Sorry if you've tried this, I'm just trying to think of anything that might help.)

A second approach (and maybe something you can do with the above): If you can't change him, make changes that he can't undo. Talk to him about it in advance, of course. For example, if you have a car, upping your deductible to from $250 to $500 can make a big savings every month. Whatever savings you make, it goes in an account in your name only that he cannot access. Figure out your food budget for the month. Then, the next month, if he "has to have" meat every night, make it for him, and make something else for yourself. However much you come in under budget is your money to save and it goes into an account that he can't touch. The account should be in your name only. Get electronic statements only and don't discuss how much you are putting in it.

Give yourself each a set amount of money to spend on the "creature comforts." Have him agree to an amount that lets you have discretionary spending but still pay your bills. Don't mention what he spends his money on. It's his. Don't ask. Don't comment. Just put as much of yours as you can/want to in your savings account. (The Tightwad Gazette book that I mentioned above can give you lots of ideas.) If have a baby, switching to Wal*Mart or Target brand wipes or diapers over Pampers or Huggies could save a lot every month. Again, it goes in the account he can't touch.

I personally would do whatever I could to lock the savings account. Transfer it into a CD if you have to, so it can't be touched. Change the password on the account, cut up the debit card that links to it, whatever you have to do. I would just explain that you do not feel safe without money in savings for emergencies. If you have to cry to get your point across, cry. But make it clear that dipping into savings for anything other than emergencies is not going to happen.

Hatzlacha and keep us posted.

little_mage

Mon, Oct 10 2011, 8:14 am

You say that you know how to make and stick to a budget, but what are you using to keep this budget? Is it all in your head, a spreadsheet, online? I'd recommend using an online program (I like mint.com, but there are others) that lets you budget and import transactions. Because it's online, you can both access it from anywhere, so he can look at it at work before he spends money. It also might help if he can see where the money is going.
As far as the meat issue goes, does it have to be the main course? There are ways to try stretching the meat a little longer. For example, I find when I make chicken soup, not only to I get a ton of broth out of it, but I can take the meat off the bones after a couple of hours and then I have the cooked chicken to use as well. You don't say how big your family is, but for just me and my husband, I was able to get at least another three or four meals out of that cooked chicken. Try using just meat as an accent, not as a main thing. I can't be more specific, but there are a ton of ideas online.
Good luck! My husband isn't quite so bad, but he can still be a little more spendthrift then I am.

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Oct 10 2011, 8:53 am

We use Google docs spread sheet to keep our budget.

We also live by the envelope system - we take out (just giving a random figure), 4,000NIS at the beginning of the month. 2,000NIS goes into the envelope marked groceries, and that's our grocery budget for the month. 200NIS goes into an envelope marked Kids Clothes. 200NIS into an envelope marked Adults Clothes. 400NIS for Transportation. 200NIS for 'eating out', etc.

When the envelope is empty, WE DON'T BUY ANY MORE. THAT IS IT.

BTW, we came up with our figures after tracking our spending with the spreadsheets for 3 months.

Of course when there are Chaggim, the grocery envelope will have a bit more. Starting December we start an envelope called Pessach and each month 400 or 500NIS goes into it so we have more than enough to spend on the huge grocery bill.

We also have started doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/).

As far as his eating habits, what can I say... you're going to have to start training his head to listen to his stomach and not the other way around. If he 'insists' on chicken and meat and fish for every meal, simply give him smaller portions of the animal protein and start also serving more vegetable protein like legumes and beans. Green salads with every meal.