Dealing with people who don't believe in ADHD (long)

morah

Wed, Nov 23 2011, 11:21 am

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't have a "challenging" child AFAIK, but my husband has ADHD so I am prepared for it to show up in one or more of the kids (so far, we only have one and he's just a baby).

A lot of people "don't believe" in ADHD, and I was in fact one of those people until I married DH (he informed me while we were dating, but I laughed it off and said "yeah, me too, I get bored easily"... Ah naivete!) In fact, this attitude that ADHD is really just an excuse for lazy parenting/bratty kids caused a lot of problems for DH, who was diagnosed when he was in 4th grade. He was medicated at MIL's insistence, while FIL insisted that it was all a bunch of bull and he just needed some harder potching. In high school, he stopped taking medication because of a Rebbe who said ADHD is just "bad middos" and he should be fixing those middos instead of relying on "magic pills". It was not until a year after getting married, realizing that he seriously has trouble functioning and taking care of his responsibilities that he finally went to a psychiatrist and got back on Ritalin. It has been a life-saver (for me too!) and now I understand how devastating this condition can be for those who really have it. I am angry at that high school Rebbe for what he caused (and the worse things that could have happened had DH not thought to get medical help) with his untrue and irresponsible remarks. I worry about similar Rebbeim/morahs in the future should I have a child with ADHD, and I worry about family members of mine who would definitely have what to say if I had to medicate a child. BTW, my family does not know about DH for exactly this reason- all they would do is talk and criticize about how ADHD isn't real and DH is just lazy for turning to the "magic pills".

In fact, one such relative has a kid who is exhibiting the signs, and the kid's school has been pressing her to evaluate him. She goes on and on about how the school is trying to "push drugs on my kid". She thinks it's not a real condition and refuses to have her child labeled "just for being a little on the rambunctious end". While I would never presume to diagnose the child myself, I feel bad for him in that if he DOES need help, he's not going to get it because his OWN PARENTS refuse to believe its possible.

Do those of you with kids on medicine face this kind of criticism from family and/or teachers? How do you deal with it? How do you educate people who make incorrect and irresponsible statements about ADHD (especially those in a position to do real damage by such statements)?