is this normal? | Imamother

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:07 pm

I dont like to judge people but being around some people makes me feel like an amazing mother, which I dont think I am. I just think im a "normal" mother... meaning what I would think would be what the average mother would do. But some things really shock me! I have been around mothers who take showers when thier toddlers are alone in the other room, mothers who leave thier children outside stores alone, or in the car alone while they shop... mothers who do not feed thier children at proper meal times and dont even give them proper meals.... just whatever is around shock

baths once a week.... or just say no to everything they say... dont want them to get thier clothes dirty... dont give thier kids nap times and wonder why thier kids are kvetchy....... I dont know to me these things are terrible.... are these normal things to some mothers?? shock

Crayon210

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:20 pm

amother wrote:

I have been around mothers who take showers when thier toddlers are alone in the other room

What's the context here? The kitchen, playing with steak knives? A playroom with a few toys?

Quote:

mothers who leave thier children outside stores alone, or in the car alone while they shop...

This has been discussed before.

Quote:

mothers who do not feed thier children at proper meal times

Proper meal times is kind of subjective, don't you think?

Quote:

and dont even give them proper meals.... just whatever is around shock

Do you mean potato chips, or something else? Again, I think this is kind of subjective.

Quote:

baths once a week....

Is the kid dirty? Are there lots of kids? Are there other things that might take precedence?

Quote:

or just say no to everything they say... dont want them to get thier clothes dirty...

What does this mean?

Quote:

dont give thier kids nap times and wonder why thier kids are kvetchy.......

Is there a rule about naps? Confused

Unless there is clear neglect or abuse, I think you should probably mind your own business.

Flowerchild

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:31 pm

Quote:

I have been around mothers who take showers when thier toddlers are alone in the other room

well, I guess I am utterly guilty of that. when my son was (they grow way too fast) a toddler I had to run around after him and make sure he was ok, pick up toys, feed him, clean, cook ( well, those two never stop), and there came a point when I was exhausted, so yes I left (oh my god) my toddler in his crib with the gate up with toys and books and went to take a 10 min shower, so I can feel like a normal unstinky human being. hang me for wanting to feel normal........................

mumoo

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:34 pm

We do our best parenting before we have children, don't we.

I know you have one, and I hope you always have a three course meal on the table threex a day, but don't be surprised when the time comes and there is homework to listen to, your day to attend at the mikvah, school conferences, a ch'v sick child, shabbos tomorrow.....and you haven't showered in 3 days!

my point is as childless people can't judge us, a parent of one has to realize that parenting many is different

and all families do not have daughters first- my teenagers are at yeshiva!

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

Being that it's doubtful that someone would reveal to you that they do any of the above mentioned things on a steady basis, you probably assumed they do. Why jump to conclusions? Does it earn brownie points with yourself, or with your husband?

They might consider some of the things you do,now and then, gross negligence.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:36 pm

thats diff, the crib is safe..... now crayon like I said I dont like to judge ppl and its not that its my buisness but when I see hungry, cranky kids that arent being cared for properly I feel bad for them. And I sometimes wonder if these things to many are concisered "normal" which Is why I am ASKING here.

meal times meaning.... crackers... or pb and jelly... or a cheese stick... or whatever is around..... I am wondering if this is considred the norm.

nap times meaning mothers who just dont give thier kids naps and WONDER (as some have told me) WHY thier kids are kvetchy. I am wondering what they are thinking... and if it seems obvious what some ppl have against naps.

It may seem like I am not minding my own buisness but im just curious what ppl are thinking......

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:07 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

amother wrote:

I have been around mothers who take showers when thier toddlers are alone in the other room

What's the context here? The kitchen, playing with steak knives? A playroom with a few toys?

Quote:

mothers who leave thier children outside stores alone, or in the car alone while they shop...

This has been discussed before.

Quote:

mothers who do not feed thier children at proper meal times

Proper meal times is kind of subjective, don't you think?

Quote:

and dont even give them proper meals.... just whatever is around shock

Do you mean potato chips, or something else? Again, I think this is kind of subjective.

Quote:

baths once a week....

Is the kid dirty? Are there lots of kids? Are there other things that might take precedence?

Quote:

or just say no to everything they say... dont want them to get thier clothes dirty...

What does this mean?

Quote:

dont give thier kids nap times and wonder why thier kids are kvetchy.......

Is there a rule about naps? Confused

Unless there is clear neglect or abuse, I think you should probably mind your own business.

Do you have to dissect each and every comment? Do you realize that you make the other person feel like two cents?? Glad I don't know you in real life.

Sparkle

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:28 pm

Meals that are not proper: My kids will only eat pasta and/or yogurt every day for every meal. I have tried all sorts of ways to get them to eat healthier foods - or at least different foods! but at some point I just realized: At least they are eating!

Bath once a week: My toddler can not stand water on his head. I have tried lying him down in the tub to rinse off, a visor to keep the water out, etc. I only bathe him once a week because I cannot deal with his hour long temper tantrum more than that!

Shower while leaving kids in a room by themselves: When else would I get a shower? Does leaving a child for a few minutes in an enclosed room with toys to occupy them make one a negligent mother?!

I would probably be defined as not such a great mother by you - but I consider myself a pretty good one!

Quote:

Do you have to dissect each and every comment? Do you realize that you make the other person feel like two cents?? Glad I don't know you in real life.

OP jam packed alot of accusations and examples in one paragraph - how else can anyone respond if not by "dissecting"?

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:37 pm

Meals that are not proper: My kids will only eat pasta and/or yogurt every day for every meal. I have tried all sorts of ways to get them to eat healthier foods - or at least different foods! but at some point I just realized: At least they are eating!

of course. and u sound like a great mother as im sure MANY ppl are and I think many ppl try thier best and thats great. of course there are diff hardships..... I am not talking about what u are mentioning. I am talking about ppl who just dont care (who I actually know personally....) I guess people just dont understnad my post as it seems..... NO my point was NOT to say im a good mother and noone else is. please.

btw I am NOT the amother who wrote about disecting every word...

Crayon210

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:43 pm

I think there are better things to worry about than what is the mother next door or down the block doing. We each have our own challenges, as well as our own priorities.

Yes, there are some kids who I think are poorly taken care of, whether it's discipline, food, bathing, or napping. But I'm sure there are some mothers who think the same of me, and some who think those who I think are poorly taken care of are doing great! It's all relative, really.

Unless there is clear neglect or abuse, don't let it occupy your thoughts too much. Worry about your own kids!

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 11:06 pm

there are better things to worry about. trust me I dont sit and worry all day. the fact is that since I am a mom I hang out with lots of other moms. the things some of them say and do are surprising to me so again I was WONDERING if others think these things are the norm. I dont get what the big deal is really!

leomom

Mon, Nov 20 2006, 12:09 am

I actually think you got your answer! Very Happy

Most people have responded with at least a bit of identification with at least a few of the examples you gave. So, I would think that (based on the small sampling of mothers who have responded so far) the things you mentioned in your post are not that uncommon. Taken separately, most mothers have been "guilty" of these behaviors sometimes -- maybe due to extenuating circumstances, or maybe just due to the demands of a busy life with a household of children.

I would venture to say that a mother who does ALL of these things on a REGULAR basis probably is being neglectful. That would seem out of balance. But in the larger scheme of things, most of the things you mentioned can be expected to happen occasionally (even frequently).

So I will admit, with my children who were water-averse, I definitely gave baths as infrequently as I could get away with! In between I'd spot-wash whatever looked dirty (feet, face, hands, sometimes hair). But every kid is different.

And on a busy day -- oatmeal for dinner, anyone? Or how about plain noodles, with tuna and (cooked) frozen peas on the side? Very Happy

miriam

Mon, Nov 20 2006, 10:41 am

amother wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

amother wrote:

I have been around mothers who take showers when thier toddlers are alone in the other room

What's the context here? The kitchen, playing with steak knives? A playroom with a few toys?

Quote:

mothers who leave thier children outside stores alone, or in the car alone while they shop...

This has been discussed before.

Quote:

mothers who do not feed thier children at proper meal times

Proper meal times is kind of subjective, don't you think?

Quote:

and dont even give them proper meals.... just whatever is around shock

Do you mean potato chips, or something else? Again, I think this is kind of subjective.

Quote:

baths once a week....

Is the kid dirty? Are there lots of kids? Are there other things that might take precedence?

Quote:

or just say no to everything they say... dont want them to get thier clothes dirty...

What does this mean?

Quote:

dont give thier kids nap times and wonder why thier kids are kvetchy.......

Is there a rule about naps? Confused

Unless there is clear neglect or abuse, I think you should probably mind your own business.

Do you have to dissect each and every comment? Do you realize that you make the other person feel like two cents?? Glad I don't know you in real life.

WHOA, amother calm down. If you are the OP, then you should be glad that crayon is responding to what you asked. How did her responses make anyone feel like 2 cents? I think her post answered questions not put anyone down.

And crayon's advice on minding her own business is the best advice of all.

Chaya123

Mon, Nov 20 2006, 11:10 am

OP- I know exactly what you mean. I also can't take it when I see parents being so negligent of their children. I know someone who travels with her toddler without a car seat and I think that's utter negligence!
I guess we just have to hope that everyone is trying their best.