is this normal? | Imamother

JRKmommy

Mon, Nov 20 2006, 12:12 pm

I think that there is a real difference between things that are objectively risky or show a lack of sensitivity toward children, and things that may raise some eyebrows but are more a matter of parenting style.

[Part of my job, btw, is differentiating between the two.]

Re supervision of children: Ultimately, it comes down to safety. If the gate is up and I know that everything upstairs in childproof and if the bathroom door is slightly open and if I know that my 2 yr old is past swallowing stuff and tends to be pretty calm - I'll take a shower with a clear conscience. With some kids (like #2 for me), more vigilance is needed at some stages (#2 liked to climb everything and jump off before she hit 2 yrs, but my others never did that).

Leaving kids in cars/strollers unsupervised: Cars, objectively, can be VERY dangerous in hot or cold weather. It's definitely not something done around my area, and I would consider it risky.

Meals: Excessive sugar and fat, and inadequate nutrition are issues for many parents. However, children don't necessarily need 3 formal, home-cooked meals per day. Many will do just as well, if not better, with more frequent, simple-but-nutritious snacks - fruit, cereal, yogurt, etc. My kids actually eat worse in restaurants or at formal meals, because they'll just gravitate toward starches and fats.

[I used to work in an Italian area, and had guys who'd complain bitterly about wives who didn't cook like their mothers and who really wanted to make an issue over this. In one case, I had to break it to him that the way his mother had done things - preparing homecooked baby food for young infants - not only wasn't necessary but was actually discouraged by modern pediatricians who feel that babies don't need solids before 6 mos.]

Naps: It depends. Some kids crave naps, and go down easily. With others, formal naptime is a real struggle. I've had kids in both categories. What would raise concerns for me would be the parent's reaction - are they clued into the child's temperment? Are they child-focused? Do they have realistic expectations? Are they being angry or harsh toward the child when the issue is really lack of sleep?

Personally, I took my two eldest out frequently, because that was how they were happiest and slept best. I know that people thought we were nuts - but dd#1 honestly hated being in the apt. and would wake up and cry the moment we crossed the doorway.

leomom

Mon, Nov 20 2006, 12:30 pm

amother wrote:

please. thank you yy for your sincere honest response!!!!! that is exactly what I was looking for! For all those who say I should mind my own buisness and whatever else, please read all I wrote, you obviously do not understand and therefore your advice is not aplicable.

You're welcome. I do want to make clear that leaving kids in strollers outside stores, or leaving kids in cars, are examples of things that are NOT safe and no one should ever do these things. (I suppose there could be emergency situations when you might make an exception, but that doesn't change the general rule.) I agree with the distinctions the previous poster made.

What really makes ME angry is when parents leave kids in cars on hot days; that is negligent and extremely dangerous. Obviously it is due to ignorance in many cases and parents are not intentionally endangering their children. But children have r'l died when left in cars, which can reach high temperatures inside quickly even on a not-so-hot day. See http://www.kidsincars.org. Exclamation

Imaonwheels

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 5:27 am

I agree w/JKMommy that you have to think each thing through
and not every one will getthe same answer and that answer is not the same for every child. Do you shower when your kids are asleep? I had 2 with severe sleep disturbances and they needed more vigilance wghile asleep!

For naps I have an easy kaf zechus because I had it. Kids who refused regular naps and would never go to sleep before 9:30. From 8 on they were usually kvetchy and it was hard. If they slept even a half hr during the day they could be full of the joys of spring until 11. That was beyond hard. I DID NOT encourage naps in those children ever.

I will never justify leaving kids outside stores in strollers because my dd was nearly stolen.

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 8:55 am

amother, I agree about crayon's comments
crayon, I know that u have definitely dissected my posts b4 or responded harshly and made me feel like an idiot. I am going to operate under the assumption that that u are a lovely person in real life (I am not being facetious) and do not mean to hurt anyone. but please--why should this forum be a place to "shtuch" ppl out...why cant we just communicate in a mature and respectful fashion? I am not looking to be anyones's best bud on this site, nor do I wish to fight with anyone...I am using this forum as a place to post my questions and feelings in an anonymous fashion and interact with all kinds of people. Its nice to be able to broaden my horizons and see what other people's issues and concerns are.
I am definitely not on this forum to get my feelings hurt.
there are so many members who are sooo sweet here, like lily of the valley, she always has something nice to say. Tongue Out

--to those of u always have a nice comment to make, thank you!