My dog was my baby until I had a baby - Now what?

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:48 pm

sequoia wrote:

Dolly, I think your baal tshuva brain is kicking in on you again. Dogs and babies can live together, you know.

They can. If the dog is larger and younger than this one, and also passes the transition correctly; has the correct skill. This is like a job interview. This particular dog is failing the interview. It doesn't have the skill. Is a TOY breed. Perhaps you guys are not dog people. All dogs are not interchangeable. Even with two of the same breed in the house, one may adjust correctly and the other may not.

Even one attempted nip in the direction of any child is a fire-able offense. All dogs know that.

I am not angry at this dog. He/she can't help it. He/she simply is not qualified for this job.

Back in the day, I was told to call to the dog, telling him to come with me, very nicely, when I left the baby in a room, in the crib. No dog must ever be left alone with a baby, no exceptions. That dog was ok with the whole thing and passed the transition. He would not have lasted one second if he had even growled at the baby. He was a working breed, a herder type. But there was another of the same breed, this one female, more sensitive, who died before the birth. She would not have adjusted well, so it was good timing she died. But we still cried. Oh yes.

Dogs are like people. No two are alike. Each one has his/her strengths and weaknesses, insights and blind spots. This situation is very sad. But it might end reasonably well if the dog can snuggle into OP's Mom's life.

This dog is peeing all over and surely knows better. That may be a sign of horrible distress. And/or, it may be physically sick.

OP is just letting that continue. She is not easing the dog's stress by putting it in another home, or addressing any possible illness by taking it to the vet. OP is busy with the baby now, and vet visits are expensive. This situation is not particularly great for the dog either. But the dog has had its life already, and is.... a dog. It has to be a good dog, or it can't stay.

I was trying to protect the baby, and also poor OP, who is heading for a worse day than today. Even the lightest grazing nip will not be fine. There may very well be psychological consequences. We are talking about an attack by an animal. The chi looks small to OP, but it is about a quarter of the baby's size, and willl not look small to the baby. Especially when moving fast with teeth showing.

If this chi lives to be the oldest chi that ever was, he/she still has only a handful of years. OP will be facing the baby for decades upon decades. And the baby isn't .... a dog.

Yocheved84

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 5:10 am

yjlz wrote:

My main concern is that no one would want a 10 year old chi. We don't really have the money for a trainer. We are a BT family and I don't want my family to stick out in a yeshivish community more then we already will.

Thanks for the thoughts ladies!!! So helpful. This site is great!

Where are you located? IN NYC, a rescue society (a few that I know of, in fact) would give you free dog training, lessons, and follow up rather than see you have to give your dog away. They know the difficulties in getting older pets adopted, so to prevent your dog from going to a shelter, they would be willing to help. Seriously.

booboomom

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 8:03 am

My twins were in the nicu, and the nurse recommended to all in the discharge class to get rid of their dogs until their children were at least two. And this was for all size children.

There was actually a case a few years ago where the dog smothered the baby.

GAMZu

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 8:24 am

Yeah, I had a male cat, then we found a kitten and took her in. We were going to neuter our cat, but the new one was just a kitten, so we didn't feel the need to rush. Apparently, kittens can get pregnant...

amme

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 8:27 am

If there is even the slightest chance that the dog would bite/harm the baby, I can't for the life of me understand why posters are disagreeing with those who say to give away the dog. Even if you get a trainer, it will take time for dog to be trained and in the mean time your baby is at risk. I love dogs and hopefully you can find it a good home and if not, yes that is sad. But humans, especially helpless babies, come first. All the posters who are saying otherwise - it just makes me so mad- I do not get it at all.

sequoia

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:22 pm

Yocheved84 wrote:

yjlz wrote:

That's good to know.

sequoia

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:24 pm

GAMZu wrote:

Yes they can Smile

What are you going to do now -- spay and neuter them, or keep having kittens?

One my friends posts personal ads for his cat. But yours gets to live with his wife Smile

sarahd

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:47 pm

Is it halachically permitted to neuter a cat?

Ruchel

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 2:14 pm

Some say no, some only females, some say only for medical reasons, some say anything goes if you sell the animal symbolically to a [gentile] before.

GAMZu

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 2:33 pm

Does anyone want a kitten? LOL. We have a bunch of cute ones!

simchat

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 3:33 pm

sarahd wrote:

Is it halachically permitted to neuter a cat?

I don`t think so. We had a procession of female cats (my parents didn`t ever want males as they pee all over the place to mark their territories) and kept getting batches of kittens Very Happy

. It was really cool, we got to see the process, birth - opening their eyes - learning to walk... Quite educational lol.

Op, if the dog acts aggressive to the baby, I would consider giving her away, particularly if you have a nice family to give her to. As far as living in a frum community, we never had a problem through all our cats, birds, fish etc and there were plenty of other families with all sorts of pets from rabbits to hamsters, but, I`m talking a chabad community, not sure if other frum communities are the same? Also, apart from one friend who had a dog years ago, I don`t know anyone with a dog...

simchat

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 3:34 pm

GAMZu wrote:

Does anyone want a kitten? LOL. We have a bunch of cute ones!

Me! lol. We don`t live anywhere near you though Sad

ahhh I love kittens!!

yjlz

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 7:17 pm

We live in Ohio right now.. I will look into finding a good place for her. The peeing has slowed down and nipping hasnt happened in a few days.

I just feel responsible for her! (Not more then responsible for my baby's safety obviously.) I just can't chuck her aside so easily. If I found a good home 100% I would be fine letting go. That HARD to find though.

Thanks for all the ideas!!!

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 8:24 pm

amme wrote:

Uh, yeah. This.

OP has to get past something here IMHO.

Losing a loved dog is a major life event. Having a baby is a major life event. OP is having too much go on at once. She's paralyzed and hoping the problem will solve itself somehow.

Now what, she asks, in the thread title. Exactly what does she mean by that?

OP: Your dog was never your baby. Your dog was your dog. You have a typo up there.

OP, think of it from the baby's point of view. You have outlined carefully how things look to the dog. You have not said much about how things look to the baby. At 7 months, the baby is looking around and getting the picture. Well, how do things look to the baby?

I just figured out the dog is female.

I still don't know the gender of the baby.

I earnestly hope nobody is going to be mad at the baby for precipitating this painful and inconvenient end to a long and loving friendship between woman and dog.

It's a tough thing. Good luck.

sequoia

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:13 pm

It's weird, my grandparents had a girlie dog (a Pekingese) and she was extremely protective and loving of every new baby. Never showed any signs of jealousy either way. I just don't get what would make a dog behave like that.

amother

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:23 pm

My hubby is afraid of dogs and from a chassidishe family when I got married I found a frum divorced woman to take him in
(The dog) I was able to visit him and know he was well. I did feel responsible for my pup but my human life was more important. Of douse I would just let him go to a shelter and your situation may be painful but look at how blessed you are appreciate the gift Hashem gave you and start looking for a home for pup. Your baby comes first!

sequoia

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:33 pm

You know, when I petitioned Yael to have a pets forum, I didn't think it would turn into a forum where people persuaded others to GET RID of their pets.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:56 pm

sequoia wrote:

Dogs are very individual. There is no way to generalize how they will react to the arrival of a baby. Some do ok, and some don't.

HindaRochel

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:58 pm

sequoia wrote:

You know, when I petitioned Yael to have a pets forum, I didn't think it would turn into a forum where people persuaded others to GET RID of their pets.

I know. I feel the same way Sequoia. While at times it may be necessary to find a new home, other steps should be taken first.

OP, even if you find a home that is 100% great, your DOG may not like it. Your dog is bonded to you. There are ways to train the dog.

Already the dog is showing LESS signs of stress. So time, and good care will help.
Don't leave your dog alone with your child.
Feed her treats and give other awards when you are holding the baby, or the baby is in the room.
Pets are good for children. You just need to take the proper measures to make them friends.

Isramom8

Sat, Feb 18 2012, 12:28 pm

I'm really sorry to post this, but a newborn baby just died by being bitten on the head by the family dog:
Newborn Dies After Dog Bites Head

That said, I grew up with a German Shepherd. My parents' dog was professionally trained in a rigorous course, and always protected us children.