chores | Imamother

Crayon210

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 1:57 pm

shayna82 wrote:

I agree. I think everyhting starts at home. If boys would be as you say trained along with the girls, I bet there would be less problems in marriages.

I disagree. I don't think that a significant amount of marital problems occur because boys didn't clear the table or wash the dishes.

mumoo

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 2:20 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

can I just ask a question, TOTALLY OFF TOPIC here: why can the sons not help as well? why do the daughters always have to sit near the kitchen?

that did look bad, didn't it
of course the boys help, we have just portioned Shabbos like the girls serve and the boys clear (I'll probably get blasted for this as well: my girls are fancier and like to plate and present the food and desserts just so. My boys just want the food; im sure that there are creative boys out there. im not making any sexist statements with that)

during the week we mix it up

HindaRochel

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 2:20 pm

I serve, dh clears, the girls and sometimes my son if he is home from the army set the table.

We all do something.

However, I do sit closer to the kitchen as I do bring the food out and it is just easier to be closer. We eat family style except for the soup, so everything starts from my side and gets passed down.

I do believe that the guys should be helping somewhere. Some dh's cook of course, so maybe the boys are helping cook and we are just assuming that they don't help. I've been in several households where my compliments to the wife on her food were redirected to her helpmate. Smile

Conversations: a lot of times women do have "kitchen talk" as a friend calls it, kids, food etc. But since that is where most of our heads are most of the time of course we talk about kids. But I guess I've always run with a more political/philosophical bunch we do the "big" talks as well.

mumoo

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 2:31 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

shayna82 wrote:

I agree. I think everyhting starts at home. If boys would be as you say trained along with the girls, I bet there would be less problems in marriages.

I disagree. I don't think that a significant amount of marital problems occur because boys didn't clear the table or wash the dishes.

Crayon, wouldn't it be great if that was the only problem?

this equality thing could be the secular idea that creeps into our conscienceness...
boys are not girls B'H. of course boys and men can help with kitchen detail, and my girls all share divrei Torah but if we should be careful not to blur the lines (uh oh here comes the blast)

mumoo

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 3:21 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

A man HAS to know how to cook and clean.

why, do you have to be oseik in the gemara? do you have to be part of a minyon 3x a day, learn daily? ok when a wife is unable her dh could take over, or a mother, mother in law, sister, older daughter

DefyGravity

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 3:28 pm

mumoo wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

A man HAS to know how to cook and clean.

Men and women definitely have different roles. . . but there's no law that says men can't cook, clean, etc. Especially if both work away from home full-time, there's no reason why certain household tasks aren't taken care of by both husband and wife.

shayna82

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 6:17 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

shayna82 wrote:

I agree. I think everyhting starts at home. If boys would be as you say trained along with the girls, I bet there would be less problems in marriages.

I disagree. I don't think that a significant amount of marital problems occur because boys didn't clear the table or wash the dishes.

you misunderstood. if boys would be raised to know the importance of cleanliness and responsiblity, then there would be fewer marriage problems.

healthymama

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 6:18 pm

Quote:

If you want to know why a man should be able to cook and clean or why a woman should be able to earn a living, please ask those families in which one parent died, became divorced or fell ill. They will have a lot to share on the subject.

Crayon210

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 6:23 pm

shayna82 wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

shayna82 wrote:

I agree. I think everyhting starts at home. If boys would be as you say trained along with the girls, I bet there would be less problems in marriages.

I disagree. I don't think that a significant amount of marital problems occur because boys didn't clear the table or wash the dishes.

you misunderstood. if boys would be raised to know the importance of cleanliness and responsiblity, then there would be fewer marriage problems.

I did understand, and I still disagree. I don't think that marriage issues would significantly drop if more boys were raised to know the importance of cleanliness and responsibility.

I am of the opinion that men and women are from different mindsets with regard to cleanliness and those types of responsibilities, so teaching a boy those things will not significantly change the marriage dynamic.

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 7:18 pm

shayna82 wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

shayna82 wrote:

I agree. I think everyhting starts at home. If boys would be as you say trained along with the girls, I bet there would be less problems in marriages.

I disagree. I don't think that a significant amount of marital problems occur because boys didn't clear the table or wash the dishes.

you misunderstood. if boys would be raised to know the importance of cleanliness and responsiblity, then there would be fewer marriage problems.

I appreciated that the husband package included some household skills like washing floors, putting his clothes in the laundry , and showering often. LOL LOL

He is more organized than me too, but that sometimes makes it harder to satisfy his need for orderliness Confused

Can't win, eh? Scratching Head

I don't think that a boy needs to be given the same schedule as the girls with chores, but they should at least know how to do all of the tasks, the most important of which is just to be helpful and lend a hand when needed. it does help in a marriage.

shayna82

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 7:22 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

I am of the opinion that men and women are from different mindsets with regard to cleanliness and those types of responsibilities, so teaching a boy those things will not significantly change the marriage dynamic.

it may not change the marriage dynamic, but im sure it would help. anyway, my husband is great in that area, this is something I just think about when friends complain about their husbands...

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 3:15 am

amother wrote:

I dont think that a boy needs to be given the same schedule as the girls with chores, but they should at least know how to do all of the tasks, the most important of which is just to be helpful and lend a hand when needed. it does help in a marriage.

um, excuse me???? why should boys not have to be given the same type of chores at home? I do not think that boys should ONLY learn to give a helping hand. they should learn to do the same as the girls, that way if they help, it is not looked at as something special but as it should be.

as I stated before, I grew up in a home where, it did not matter if you were a boy or girl, you helped, with anything that ema asked you to help with, weather it was laundry or clearing the table or if it was washing the dishes or mowing the lawn (which I did growing up;>) whatever the chore was, it was done if asked.

shalhevet

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 3:52 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

Although my 9 yr old son also helps clear the table etc, I certainly don't expect him to help as much as the girls. He has a much heavier learning and davenning schedule than they do and I don't think it is fair that he has to spend a lot of time helping around the house.

I also don't expect my dh to spend time helping out unless I can't manage (eg Erev Shabbos, Erev Pesach or some other emergency). When he helps me it just cuts into his learning time.

HindaRochel

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 4:13 am

Isn't it a case of YMMV?
That is it isn't a gender issue it is a case by case situation. If mom is gone more than dad from the home than dad may take the brunt of the cooking and cleaning. If son gets home at 1pm and the girls don't start setting in the door until 4 or later, thekn demanding they work at that time while son gets to chill is rather unfair. Maybe one kid is in the midst of bagruts or state tests or has a big project coming up and can't really do everything. My dh goes into the city to work; I work from home. Does it make sense that I would spend more money to get into the city and take care of those tasks when he could do it by going in an hour or two earlier?

Sick, overburdened by school or regular work etc. etc.
The key is everyone pulls together....