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How do I respond to his not looking at non jews!

 
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amother




 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 7:24 am
We went shopping on sunday with my 7 year old boy to a shopping mall, upon entering the store he puts his hands on his eyes in front of all the people around so we asked him what hes doing and he says that hes not looking at the non jews (non jews). Basically I had nothing to say, my hub said you dont have to put your hands over your eyes, just look down. It's a tough situation because hes getting this from somone I assume from his rebbe, so I dont want to say anything against what his rebbe told him,,,, anyway I'm really confused about this any ideas advice?
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brooklyn




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 7:34 am
Personally I think that whoever taught him that is a bit extreme (and possibly nuts). Unless you live in a ghetto he will have his eyes covered evrytime he is out on the street or shopping or travelling... I don't feel we have to look at the ground when we see a [gentile]. I think that makes us look submissive. I hold my head up high and proud, not afraid or embarrassed to look anyone in the eye. If you see something offensive un indecent then you can choose to look away, but to generaly look down because I might see a [gentile]. I don't do that.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 7:41 am
I agreee, he can look away without making a big deal of it!
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Mevater




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:06 am
I think it was noted in the book about Rav Pam A"H (one of the greatest Gedolim of our times), that he greeted a neighborhood NUN every single time he saw her, in a courteous manner. I think R' Yaakov Kaminetzky A"H had a similar approach to how non jews should be regarded, in the book about him as well.
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shopaholic




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:12 am
Don't assume his Rebbe told him not to look. He probably just didn't portray "non jews" very nicely. My son is about that age. I would just explain to him that Hashem created them just like he created us. They aren't "bad". We just don't have much to do with them, so ignore them, go on with being friends with boys from yeshiva etc.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:23 am
brooklyn wrote:
I don't feel we have to look at the ground when we see a [gentile]. I think that makes us look submissive. I hold my head up high and proud, not afraid or embarrassed to look anyone in the eye. If you see something offensive un indecent then you can choose to look away, but to generaly look down because I might see a [gentile]. I don't do that.


ditto!
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ShiraMiri




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:26 am
I had a son who used to scream "Ahhh Xmas!" and cover his eyes anytime we passed decorations in the car or a store.

We didn't teach him to do that and neither did his morahs. He was about 5 or 6 at the time.

I explained that non jews have their holidays just as we have ours. It's nothing to be afraid of or scream about. Let them live their way and we will live our way.

He did it to get attention. Once we explained and stopped paying attention to his reactions he stopped.
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mimsy7420




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:28 am
amother wrote:
We went shopping on sunday with my 7 year old boy to a shopping mall, upon entering the store he puts his hands on his eyes in front of all the people around so we asked him what hes doing and he says that hes not looking at the non jews (non jews). Basically I had nothing to say, my hub said you dont have to put your hands over your eyes, just look down. It's a tough situation because hes getting this from somone I assume from his rebbe, so I dont want to say anything against what his rebbe told him,,,, anyway I'm really confused about this any ideas advice?


I think its more important to teach him that we are all Hashem's creations - and Hashem doesn't create anything "bad".
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Squash




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:35 am
I'm new here, but I'll add my own 2 cents for what it's worth.

My son is also around that age. Although we try not to take our children to malls, etc. unless absolutely necessary (some of you might consider this extreme), my son sort of did the same thing recently.

I live in an apartment building with lots of non jews, and when he saw one of them he put his hand on the side of his face so that he could see everything besides for that person (who thankfully did not notice). He then told me on his own "I want my eyes to be heilig (holy), so I'm not looking at him."

I did not make an issue of this because: A) he's obviously not going to walk around his entire life like that (hasn't done it since) B) I'm happy that he understands that we, as jews, and especially a boy who will hopefully grow up to be a talmid chochom, SHOULD be careful and aware of what we are looking at. We SHOULD always try to keep our eyes holy!

Neddless to say, if I would see that he's constantly walking around with his hands over his eyes I would explain to him all about being a "mentsch" and not being rude...
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healthymama




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:02 pm
this thread is thought- provoking.

Last edited by healthymama on Wed, Dec 06 2006, 9:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Crayon210




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:04 pm
amother, why don't you speak to his teacher?
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Crayon210




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:11 pm
Also, this is a stage that is very common for young children to go through. It doesn't mean that they're evil or bigoted, they're just kids.

I once baby-sat for a kid who whispered to me that not all people are Jewish, did I know that?

I also once overheard a kid telling her grandmother that non jews don't brush their teeth.

I'm sure they'll grow up to be well-adjusted, respectful people. I think it's a kid thing.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:23 pm
LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONCE DS ASKED US IF non jews HAD TEETH !!!!!!!!
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shalhevet




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:31 pm
chocolate moose wrote:
LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONCE DS ASKED US IF non jews HAD TEETH !!!!!!!!


Maybe she also overheard
Quote:

a kid telling her grandmother that non jews don't brush their teeth.


and drew her own conclusions.
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Crayon210




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:33 pm
LOL.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 12:38 pm
It was a boy, before upsherenish !!!!!! He asked us so sweetly, with such tmimis....

I'm still hysterical laughing about that, even now.....
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Mommy3.5




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 7:20 pm
we are dealing with a similar situation, my 2 year old morah taught him that eisav ate like a [gentile]. He is very into it. I hate when teacher attribute all bad characteristics to being a [gentile]....
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mama247




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 06 2006, 8:11 pm
My four year old dd has been going through something similar. Anytime she talks about someone bad she says they're "[gentile]'s". While I'm happy that my children are learning that we're different, it does bother me that they think all non jews are bad. I've tried to explain to them all that not all non jews are bad, they just aren't lucky like us to be yidden.
We've also been dealing with the x-mas thing lately, but to the opposite extreme. They see the lights and can't stop talking about how beautiful they are! My seven year old dd just said the other day that x-mas is just like chanukah but for the non jews. I had to have a long talk with her about how different the two are. It's a fine line to seperate ourselves and not be disrespectful to other people. I haven't figured out yet how to deal with it.
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Motek




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 07 2006, 12:27 pm
Quote:
I dont want to say anything against what his rebbe told him,,,, anyway I'm really confused about this any ideas advice?


Like crayon suggested - call the rebbi and ask him what he said and is this what he meant and how he thinks it should be handled

letsbehonest wrote:
I think it was noted in the book about Rav Pam A"H (one of the greatest Gedolim of our times), that he greeted a neighborhood NUN every single time he saw her, in a courteous manner. I think R' Yaakov Kaminetzky A"H had a similar approach to how non jews should be regarded, in the book about him as well.


It was R' Kamenetzky who greeted the nun, not R' Pam.

marney wrote:
I explained that non jews have their holidays just as we have ours.


but then you have kids saying:

mama247 wrote:
My seven year old dd just said the other day that x-mas is just like chanukah but for the non jews.


do you think this is a good outlook on holidays?

only1 wrote:


I think its more important to teach him that we are all Hashem's creations - and Hashem doesn't create anything "bad".


how about evil?

Crayon210 wrote:
I once baby-sat for a kid who whispered to me that not all people are Jewish, did I know that?


shock what a revelation! Wink
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Crayon210




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 07 2006, 12:40 pm
Indeed, I was shocked. ;-)
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