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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Torn btw two Worlds!



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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 15 2005, 11:35 am
I wish I knew what to do, my husband is unsure too.
My 12yr old son is in a class of 6 kids w/h one other frum kollel boy there, whom he is best friends w/h.
Well this boy has been known to say chutzpadik and dirty comments so I've just told my son I don't mind him being friends as long as he has enough sense not to follow his silliness!
Well this boy who is 11yrs also I know factually that they do not have a T.V. in their home.
Anyway this boys told another boy whom he didn't like in the class out of the blue "You raped your mother!" shock and he also told my son that he got deoderant and on it says caution this may attract female attention! This boy is 11 yrs, and from a frum Home! shock shock
Do I say something to his parents even though that comment was said to the other kid and mine just overheard risking him losing a friend, though the deoderant one was said to him?


Or say I must b/c if the parents knew I know for sure the father would do something constructive?

My gut reaction is to do the first thing like speak to Parents. But seeing my son hysterical b/c he would lose his only friend hence my dilemma!
HELP
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 15 2005, 11:44 am
kollel boy or not, TV or not, something is majorly wrong here and I think your main issue concerns YOUR OWN SON and how to separate him from this friend. You send your older boys out of town to yeshiva, when does this son go?
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 15 2005, 11:46 am
When he's 14yrs! We can't financially send him away earlier even w/h discounts etc!

However there is a strong possibility that they may move though not for sure. W/h non frum kids I feel less threatened b/c my kids can see black and white, but this is crazy!
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 15 2005, 12:02 pm
it really IS crazy, not just "chutzpadik" or "silly"

if I were you, those comments would make me EXCEEDINGLY NERVOUS AND WARY Exploding anger

I don't know what you can do, other than urge them to move away!

This is a real chinuch dilemma!
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 16 2005, 5:51 pm
Yes, it sounds like this boy has a serious problem and yes, if you know that the parents would definitely do something about it if they were made aware you have to speak to them - for the sake of this other boy's neshama, if not for your own child's ruchniyus.
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ForeverYoung

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Post Sun, Apr 17 2005, 12:23 am
type an anon letter to his arents

talk to their Rebbi

the kid is either in bad crowd on his own or under duress; and we live in a crazy world, so don't rule out s-xual obuse by iether man or woman
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 17 2005, 12:45 am
Quote:
and we live in a crazy world, so don't rule out s-xual obuse by iether man or woman

I can almost guarantee that is an unlikely scenerio Exclamation
However his mother does have lots of interesting very good friends that talk who knows what about and if he was listening Confused

Anyway thanks Sarahd for the advice so in the end we spoke to the Principal since it did happen in School. And he said he found out the story and confirmed it was indeed correct and he will deal w/h it asap and he will speak to the parents w/out mentioning my son. We also have told him he may invite the kid to our house but may not go there! We also explained though he felt bad snitching and maybe losing a friend. The Yetzer Hora can come in many disguises.And we were helping his friend by reporting this. I hope he understood, eighter way this is our policy from now on!!
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 17 2005, 4:27 am
I think you handled it very well, if I may say so. Bez"h all will work out well for all parties.
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ForeverYoung

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Post Sun, Apr 17 2005, 6:02 pm
amein!
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AweSumThenSum




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 17 2005, 6:26 pm
just goes to show that even when tv is not a factor, we still need to be vigilant about our childrens; friends.
this also goes to show how vital it is for parents to nurture and foster a good relationship w/ their children, because children will confide in their parents only if they trust them to be nonjudgmental and if they feel that the parents genuinely are looking out for the child's best physical, emotional, and spiritual interests (as opposed to "what will the street think").
keep it up freilich, I'm proud of u!!
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