MOTHERS WITH BIG FAMILIES my 2 cents

Piper

Fri, Dec 15 2006, 3:43 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

cindy324 wrote:

Quote:

This topic has been discussed. And discussed. And discussed.

Another thread that adds nothing new?

I find it boring. It clutters up the forum.

Yup.

Yup here, too. It's just gonna go around in circles like the others, and of course will turn into an arguement about birth control vs. large families, etc, Rolling Eyes

Come on, Cindy, you really think that this will turn into a discussion about birth control? Why? Because birth control is discussed everywhere on this forum, including in the chicken section? Rolling Eyes

birth control for chicken? Now that is a new one

purplegirl

Sat, Dec 16 2006, 8:48 pm

Motek wrote:

This topic has been discussed. And discussed. And discussed.

Another thread that adds nothing new?

I find it boring. It clutters up the forum.

How can you find the topic of abuse boring? I think it should be painful and raw no matter how many times its mentioned. Not all of us have been on this board since its inception, and these topics are new for us. Maybe you can just skip these repeat threads and be patient for our sakes? And maybe we have something to add? Such as this: Even if you've heard something before, hashgacha dictated that you should come across it again. Think about it again, and maybe you'll find something new in it, something that affects your life, the life of someone you know, or maybe it will just give you added sensitivity and insight for the next time the topic is broached.

I just thought these kinds of responses are insensitive to the OP. Sorry if I misunderstood you!

Tefila

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 1:32 pm

Quote:

I have seen in a family that I borded during high school a mother throwing a 5 year old up the stairs yes throwing him and the verbal abuse of calling a child stupid or dirty or whatever else

Hate to break it to you I know of a couple with only two kids that was very abusive that the children had to be taken away. SO please don't blame it on the large family syndrome Rolling Eyes

. But on the mother who should be getting support after each birth.
And yes we are all responsible for each other but that abuse thing aint hold water. Since if you readi n the news etc people with even one tend to fly off the handle. Imo I would rather my dd learn how to enjoy being around kids I.e. babysitting mothers helper ( I am not talking about cleaning here) etc more so then enjoy more the fact to just learn a sefer alone. Yes children need to be kids teens need to be teens but they also have to learn about the care of children. This applys to girls and boys. This way when they have kids later on it won't be a shock to the system.

amother

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 1:53 pm

Tefila, you are so right on!
I am the mother of a large family, B"H. My oldest daughter has been changing diapers since she was two! (She even learned how to change her own, but that's another story!) My kids are, B"H, very happy. They clean up before Shabbos, put away their laundry, set the table, make their lunches. My oldest daughter stays up late Thursdays to help cook for Shabbos...this is a BIG TREAT for her. She loves giving the baby a bottle and changing her diaper. Is she forced to do this? NO WAY! She WANTS to! She'd much rather help clean and cook and help with babies all day long. You know what I think...I have an excellent Imma/wife in training and her husband will be very lucky someday. I also have another daughter who has no interest in any of these things..do I push her? Not a chance. I want her to ENJOY seeing what it is like to be an imma and a wife. When the time is right, she'll help out. For now, she's busy with reading and playing, which are also very important. My kids never feel they have no time to play or be kids. They do their homework right when they get home from school. The older kids who are in school are all "A" students, B'H. I think it's great that my kids can, when the need arises, such as if I have a cold and can't move, put a dinner together. Fine, it's not fancy...deli sandwiches and salad. But, they are learning amazing life skills...which are VERY important. Far too often, a parent will do everything for their child, and the kids don't learn how to do them themselves. Oh, and everyone has commented on how well-behaved and happy my kids are, so original amother please don't attack me for how I choose to parent my children!

Another thing OP, my most difficult transition was from 1 to 2 kids! Now it's so much easier! (and I only have "house help" 2 hours a week)

hey its me

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 8:47 pm

I think it all depends on what the parents can cope with!

one of my sisters just gave birth to #11 k.a.h!her oldest is 12 and she really copes well!!! she has a schedule which she sticks to her kids are all clean happy and well behaved kids b'h each child has their time and gets the attention they need luckily my sister is really cut out for this she really copes!! personally I think she has no life besides being pregnant nursing babies and..... but thats wat she chose and thats wat she wants!!!

another of my sisters has 4 kids the oldest is 9 and hmmm well I wouldnt say shes copes too well with wat she has I just hope that her kids will turn out ok..

each person is different and different pple manage different situatuions...

amother

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 11:11 pm

I am the original amother. I DID NOT MEAN THIS TO BE A THREAD ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. I PUT THIS IN THE CONTROVERSIAL SECTION because obviously I thought this would be somehting that people view differently. like the last or pre last poster wrote that she has a big beautiful family. to that mother may hashem bless you will true yiddishe nachas. I envy you. and I think you are one of a kind. I guess I was venting because that night when I wrote my post one of the children from that specific russian family who I know and mentioned in the original post kinda ran away from the house becasue in her words' my mother came home I was with my little sister in my brothers room. my brother and mother came to the room and my mother said that he can beat me up if he wants to, than 2 seconds later she said that I should go change the little sisters diapers so I went to a different room to change the diaper but she(the mother) suddenly needed to use that room as I was changing the diaper and my brother snuk in and started shprizing me with water so I got my jacket and left) I met her at a plaza that I happened to be at cause I needed to buy something for chanukah. she wasn't crying she was kinda used to it as if it was more or less a normal accurance, and when I told her why didn't she ask her mother why she told her brother to hurt her she said oh my mother would've just said I deserve it for not washing the dishes late last night, when she knew I had a big test. ' the girl continued to tell me' " don't you undertand some children are just hated and she hates me." Those of you with large families and who are doing fine and giving attention to your children and your children are well behaved and are good midos and all hashem has blessed you, but there are more families where the children are forced into it and even thought the oldest girl in this family the russian family that I mentioned enjoyes cooking do you think its ok for her to stay untill 3am on a school night? and than miss a day of school to cook for her mothers birthday? When I lived in new york and I worked in boro park where there are many big families I heard and seen many girls who seemed happy but in reality just wanted to be normal teenagers and be able to come home and not have to put up supper but do their homework in quite peace and not put their little sister to bed every night but study for a test and get a good grade why shouldn't they have that???
TO THOSE OF YOU WHO FIND THIS THREAD BORING I DIDIN'T INVITE YOU HERE AND I REALY THOUGHT IT WAS DISCUSTING OF CRAYON AND SOME OTHERS TO WRITE WHAT THEY DID AND THAN TO PUT JOKES HERE? SORRY BUT WAKE PPL THE FRUM CHILDREN TODAY ARE GOING OFF THE DERECH IN ALL COMMUNITIES THERE MUST BE A REASON NO I M NOT SUGGESTING THAT THE ABOVE IS THE ONLY REASON BUT ITS MOSTLY IS LIKE ONE YOUNG BOY TOLD ME IN A SUBWAY IN NEW YORK 4 YEARS AGO,'I come from a big known family and my parents are very known but my father would never learn with me and would only scream when I didn't get the grades he wanted to see. I have a big family and most of us kinda grew up on our own.'' THIS IS COMMING FROM A BOY OF ABOUT 17 AT THAT TIME.
PS THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO SUPPORTED ME AND UNDERSTOOD ME.

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2006, 12:56 am

[quote="amother"]. like the last or pre last poster wrote that she has a big beautiful family. to that mother may hashem bless you will true yiddishe nachas. I envy you. and I think you are one of a kind [quote]

Thanks for the very kind words! I work very hard to ensure that my kids are happy and well taken care of. And not burdened with things I should be taking care of. Yes, there are times when things are difficult, but it is all worth it. At the end of the day after everyone is asleep I treat myself to a long, hot shower. And I'm an only child, so I can't even call my mom for advice! It is so important to let kids be kids, while at the same time teaching them how they should grow and learn to be adults. A mother (no matter how many kids are in a family) must find the correct balance for her family on how to do this.

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2006, 10:40 am

I am the oldest of a large family. I did not feel neglected in anyway. I got enough attention I was not overworked etc. My mother is not the most organized and the house was not always so neat (but clean)as she had hired help - cleaning and babysitting. I was not overworked as a kid the only times maybe I really worked hard helping more then average was when my mother had a baby or went on vacation which was only once there were teenagers in the house. She left alot of the housework to the paid help so us kids could get attention. My parents do not have alot of $ but look to the paid help as a neccesity. My mother is one of the calmest pple. I very rarely heard her raise her voice. So I dont think it is large families but more personaily of the mother

lst

Mon, Dec 18 2006, 10:56 am

I agree that it has to do with the parents not how many children are in the family. I am the oldest of a large family bH and have never felt that it was too much for my parents to handle. Everyone of us has baruch Hashem turned out great. So I would definitely agree with the above posters.

And as a side point- I am pretty new to this site and I was just noticing in different threads that I've been reading-some posters who disagree dont exactly state their opinions in the nicest ways (to say the least). Why do the answers have to be written in a nasty or sarcastic way. Is it helpful to insult someone or get someone upset just because you disagree with something they feel. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but why can't it be done nicely. Does it really benefit the poster to write their response in a not nice tone?