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Forum
-> Children's Health
Tila
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 Tue, Jan 11 2005, 8:14 am
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mY KIDS WILL NOT GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR!! I May have posted this issue before, but I am still at square #1. I tend to fall asleep before they do, and they all end up in bed with me. Our routine is the basic one at a decent time like 7:30pm I have to lie with the youngest, and my daughter (middle child) whines that it is not fair! My husband tries to help, but like myself will fall asleep before they do!! HELP!!
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proudmom
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Tue, Jan 11 2005, 9:02 am
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I have a similair problem to that too. I put my kids into bed at 7:30 and they come out of bed at least 10 times. They finally fall asleep around 10. I never look forward to the nights because of this.
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yehudis
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Tue, Jan 11 2005, 10:46 am
Some children are naturally on a late schedule. My oldest daughter is. And I know exactly exactly why -- I'm like that too  .
But Tila, can you tell us more about the situation, so we can say something more helpful? How old are your children? When do they get up? What is the bedtime routine?
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Tila
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Thu, Jan 13 2005, 8:32 am
They are Yehudi who is 4, leah who is 6, and Natan who is 8. I think they are afaid of missing out on something. What!?! our snoring??? 
Maybe I have tried taking away privileges but that did not work. It seems like antibiotics that are use to that strain of bacteria!! 
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zuncompany
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Thu, Jan 13 2005, 10:28 am
what do you do when they go to bed so late? Maybe if they see you do boring things like pay bills, wash dishes, and get ready for bed they will see they are missing nothing.
sara
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ForeverYoung
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Thu, Jan 13 2005, 12:41 pm
they're old enough to undersand many htings.
So what I would try to do is:
announce that from today & on all children go to bed at... & STAY there till morn.
For each eve in bed child gets a checkmark.
After x checkmarks, there will be a prise.
1 eve out deletes ALL previous checkmarks.
x eve out in 1 week result in removal of privileges.
Pre-emnt thirst/ hunger/ bathroom tactics
Put them in, turn down the lights
Be very booring when they come out
Do NOT allow them into your bed, even if they cry.
If you're too tired, take a nap to have the strength to deal with them.
A book aobout sleep might help. YOUr local librarian should be able to help you find them.
Also, yo uwrote that they don't care about loss of privileges anymore. Probably b/c yo udon't follow through. Stick to it.
It might sound cruel, but a few times our son went on to a fun activity while the daughter had to stay behind - and guess what! next time I mentioned a similar consequence, she was the 1st one to listen.
Get your husband's help with it.
after about 2 weeks of successful sleep rutine, announce that you're so proud & that they're so big, they don't need chart anymore & selebrate it w/ a small party.
and praise, praise praise. Tell everybody who calls how big cihild x is not, s/he goes to sleep right away in his own bed!!!!
Alos explain that sleep give us energy, so that we don't run out of power like a battery + we grow while we sleep, and they do want to grow, don't they?
May be even make growth chart and tape it to the wall in their room. Measure them 1/mo & let them see how they grow.
hope this was helpful
good luck!
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hadasa
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Thu, Jan 13 2005, 2:02 pm
I tell my kids that if they're perfectly quiet for 20 mins and still don't fall asleep, I'll let them get out of bed. (Which I think is only fair, I don't stay in bed for longer either if I can't fall asleep.) 99.9% of the time, if they're quiet, they do fall asleep within 20 minutes. If they don't, there's probably a different problem. Maybe they just don't need so much sleep, or something's bothering them and not letting them fall asleep.
My kids go to sleep late too, but that's because I start the routine too late; it takes me time to unwind enough in the evening to be ready to tackle that job. Also, they're all in one room, so they all go to sleep at the same time, from the two-year-old to the ten-year-old.
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Tefila
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Thu, Jan 13 2005, 3:07 pm
| Quote: | | I tell my kids that if they're perfectly quiet for 20 mins and still don't fall asleep, I'll let them get out of bed. (Which I think is only fair, I don't stay in bed for longer either if I can't fall asleep.) |
8) And quite innovative I must say, maybe I'll try that too but with 1/2 an hr maybe 
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Tila
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Sun, Jan 16 2005, 1:01 pm
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Thank you all so much for really concrete advise. I will start tonite by telling them in advance that bed time is at 7:30pm and there are no ifs ands or buts.
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hadasa
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Sun, Jan 16 2005, 1:33 pm
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Wishing you much Hatzlachah!
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Tila
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Mon, Jan 17 2005, 6:55 am
This is how it went last nite: " Daddy said we could do THIS (what ever THIS is is irrelivant) until 10pm!!" I said "NOOOOOOOO!!!"  The daddy won 
There is an issue of parenting on the same track here, and I know it!! Tonite daddy is doing haschaga at a wedding so mommy will try to get the troops to bed at a decent time
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ForeverYoung
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Mon, Jan 17 2005, 7:18 am
Tila, I'm glad you tryed.
do you have consequences spelled out?
and pls get your husband's cooperation - explain to him that kids need their sleep & you need your rest
goood luck!
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Tila
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Mon, Jan 17 2005, 7:29 am
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I agree!! Thanx
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raizy
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Tue, Feb 15 2005, 8:23 pm
1)I wanted to write about sleep or the lack of it... I have a ten month baby waking up 3 times a night.. he is on fourmalla he shouldnt be doing this this late in the game..
also he never falls asleep at night unless I rock cuddle or hold him in my bed...
2) I have two kids who are basically trained but every other night seem to lose it unless hubby takes them to the toilet 2 times each....
3) I have my oldest child who seems to think that bedtime is nine oclock...
not that I do anything exiciteng . after I get the other kids to bed... but he loves to just hang around near me... till I go beserk.. I need time to unwind
I dont need him to be up...
help what do I do with all these problems???
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Motek
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 7:55 am
I read that although the amount of sleep children need varies somewhat, most experts agree on the following estimates:
infants: about 16 hours a day (2 naps)
one year old: about 14 hours a day (one nap)
ages 2-4: about 13 hours (1 nap)
ages 5-11: about 11 hours
ages 12-18: about 9 hours
| Quote: | The difference between a child who has had enough sleep and one who hasn't, cannot be overstated. A child who is well rested is joyful, content, and happy. A child who is sleep-deprived - or just plain tired - is antsy, difficult ...
There is a direct correlation between sleep and behavior. |
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BeershevaBubby
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 8:09 am
And it's charts like these that make parents neurotic and kids needing to be medicated...
Each child is different. It's up to the parents to recognize the sleep needs of their children and plan their day and evening accordingly.
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JMto2
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 8:14 am
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Kmelion you are so right I have two children a 2 and 3 1/2 year old and the older one is just not a sleeper she will wake up in the middle of the night because she has slept 8 hours already and she even once told me " _____ (younger sister) can sleep so much and she can not" I feel though it is important to concentrate on what hours the child sleeps verses how many hours.
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Tefila
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 10:35 am
| Quote: | | about 13 hours (1 nap) |
I would be lucky if my twins slept even 8hrs straight never mind 13 
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PinkandYellow
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 10:54 am
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I agree with moteks guidelines, roughly. but of course thats why they are guidelines and each mother comes with a head on her shoulders and needs to know her kids. there are exceptions to every rule.
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Motek
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Sun, Dec 17 2006, 2:50 pm
| Kmelion wrote: | And it's charts like these that make parents neurotic and kids needing to be medicated...
Each child is different. |
So you think there is no validity to height and weight charts, to timetables for developmental milestones like turning over, standing up etc.? Children are SO different from one another that no general guidelines make sense?
| Quote: | | It's up to the parents to recognize the sleep needs of their children and plan their day and evening accordingly. |
I wonder how many parents do that ... I think, though I can be wrong, that the answer is: not too many. I think that in many cases, when it becomes too difficult to do a bedtime routine with many children of different ages, that many, many children stay up way too late. Ever call someone's house at 10:00 and have an elementary school age child answer the phone? It happens. And they're being up that late is not uncommon in the frum world.
Also in the frum world, young children are kept up for simchas, motzoei Shabbos havdala, yomim tovim, etc. and if not strictly limited, children end up sorely missing sleep.
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