How much sleep do they need?/what's bedtime like by you?

stem

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 5:11 pm

B"H my kids both get about 12 hours a night with a nap for the 2 year old a few times a week. Ideally, a nap would be good every day, but then he'd have to go to sleep later and get less than 12 hours at night.
It's easy to put the kids to bed early when they are the oldest. The problem happens when parents have kids of all ages and can't enforce an earlier bedtime for the younger children.

Esther01

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 6:13 pm

Quote:

So you think there is no validity to height and weight charts, to timetables for developmental milestones like turning over, standing up etc.? Children are SO different from one another that no general guidelines make sense?

actually I HATE those charts, because yes they make parents so nervous for no good reason. my dd turned over by 9 months (she sat by 6) she was just a chubby baby who couldn't do it before she built more muscle to turn over.
or the child who has a narrow build and is told by the pediatritian that he is underwieght... not everything goes according to charts... you gotta be openminded.

yes parents must pay close attention to all their childrens' needs and decide accordingly. the guidlines can give us guidance but we still need to remember that every child is different!!! there is no rule.

melalyse

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 6:30 pm

I think that a lot of parents chose to ignore the amounts of sleep that their child needs and say that they just don't need it. Yes a 1 year old needs 13-14 hours of sleep. Okay, if you tell me that they do well on 12.5. But they need more then 10. And they need a nap at that age. It goes back to the whole discussion of parents who take their babies/toddlers everywhere because it is convenient for them. Parents want to know why their kids are always clingy or cranky. The answer is that they need a nap or it is 10 PM and they should of been asleep at 7. Childrens brain development happens when they sleep. Sleep is very important. Usually if they "won't" it is because something is wrong with the sleep/nap scheduling.

BeershevaBubby

Sun, Dec 17 2006, 8:38 pm

Motek wrote:

Once upon a not too long time ago, doctors and expert swore by the age to weight ratio charts. It's only in the last dozen or so years they got smart and changed it to height:weight. There are certain developmental and growth milestones that need to be monitored, but making charts and lists for everything is going overboard.

Quote:

I wonder how many parents do that ... I think, though I can be wrong, that the answer is: not too many. I think that in many cases, when it becomes too difficult to do a bedtime routine with many children of different ages, that many, many children stay up way too late. Ever call someone's house at 10:00 and have an elementary school age child answer the phone? It happens. And they're being up that late is not uncommon in the frum world.

Also in the frum world, young children are kept up for simchas, motzoei Shabbos havdala, yomim tovim, etc. and if not strictly limited, children end up sorely missing sleep.

Growing up, the rule in our house was no outgoing or incoming phonecalls after 10. The theory was if you could wait that late, you could wait til morning. With proper discipline, bedtime shouldn't always be a battle. No matter how many kids you have.

Smachot and Yomim Tovim are a once in a while occassions. As I only have girls ATM, they were able to stay up for Havdalah since they didn't have school the next day. But there were plenty of times when one or the other would tell me she wanted to go to sleep before Shabbat was out.

realeez

Mon, Dec 18 2006, 6:31 am

I have seen other charts that have more of a range (like for a 4 year old it was something like 11-13 hours total).

I do though agree that children need their sleep!!! We had guests over who were saying what a tough child (age 2) they have and honestly, he looked like he was about to fall over and fall asleep! The mother told me that she doesn't put him down for naps anymore because then it's hard to put him to bed at night. They are not the only ones that have said s/t to that effect.

That's where it is upsetting - when parents are not tuning in to their kids' sleep needs and then are labelling their kids with behaviour problems of all sorts.

happymom

Mon, Dec 18 2006, 7:16 am

Quote:

The mother told me that she doesn't put him down for naps anymore because then it's hard to put him to bed at night.

that bothers me too. 2 year olds NEED a nap! (at least most...) maybe he need a nap earlier then they are willing to give it (cuz its "inconvinient for them or whatever....) and by the time the kid is reeeeeeeally tired.... its too "late" and then wont go to bed on time so its pushed off at together.

Ive seen this alot and its just not good because the parents then find thier kid "annoying and spoiled when really all they need is thier nap!!

curlyhead

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 5:55 pm

For those of you who have young kids just wondering what bedtime is like. Does it go smoothly or does it take forever to put them to bed? Do your kids stay in bed themselves? How do you get them to stay themselves in bed. What your bedtime routine?

I am going crazy as one kid falls asleep around 8:30 and the 2 year old other about 9:00. And I have to sit next to the bed and wait till she falls asleep. Otherwise she will just jump out.

Flowerchild

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 6:01 pm

mine goes to sleep at 7:30 8 pm, we take a bath, brush teeth, read a book or two depending on my mood lol, but its atleast one book each night, say shema ( I have a 3 year old), he "sleeps" on me for a few min. just for comfort, then come kisses and hugs and off to sleep. I dont have to sit there and wait he sleeps by himself in his own room. it takes about 40 mins or so to go through the whole rutine.

Ima'la

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 6:15 pm

It can take a while here b/c there are 3 ka"h and a lot to do, but it mostly depends on whether I got started on time and how organized I am. B"H, it usually goes smoothly. I get the most resistance about cleaning up (in the form of laziness/dawdling).

When dd #1 was 2-ish and I had the popping up problem, it was solved quite effectively: She liked to sleep with the door open. I told her that if she got out of bed I would close the door. She did and I closed it (and held it closed as obviously she tried to open it) for about 15-20 sec. (Don't worry - it did not make her room pitch dark.) Really. That was all. After that she stayed in bed. Actually, she wouldn't come out of bed w/o permission at all - she used to call from her bed in the morning to ask if she could get up!

BrachaVHatzlocha

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 6:52 pm

I put my 14 month old in at 7:30.
My 2.7 year old goes in usually 8:30 - used to be earlier, but wasn't falling asleep for a while. He generally doesn't get out cuz he's still in a crib and my husband lowered it lower than the lowest level when he used to climb out. Hoping to get him a bed soon and then it might be another story!!
I would say 9 really is too late for a 2-year-old unless he takes a really nice nap during the day. Although I love my kids, I like my quiet time after they're asleep, so I like the early bedtime idea. (though my kids still nap, too)

RedVines

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 7:06 pm

I am all for the early bedtime, Bath starts at 6:00, 6:30 books,clean up, Shema, Soft music. 7:00 mommy leaves the older 2 in their room, to than nurse the baby who hopefully falls asleep soon after....only to wake up every hour to be nursed to sleep,

Meanwhile it is 8 pm and both kids are still up but quiet in their bed...I should now be cleaning up...

Esther01

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 10:06 pm

b'h bed time routine is 'usually' smooth.

I have three kids, 4 1/2, 3 and 18 months. they all get a bath at the same time. when one is done she goes out wraped in a towel and waits till all are ready.

18 month old gets to be dressed first, b'h she goes into her crib with a blanket and bottle and stays there. not always does she fall asleep right away, but she does not get out of her crib. she is usually babbling or wants more in her bottle, till she falls asleep.

my other 2 I go thru the routine very quickly, pj, brushing teeth, shema, tuck them and kiss them. no story, no music... when it's time for bed then that's it. one of them needs a water bottle next to bed, the other one needs a cup with juice... whatever it is, once in bed that's it. and I'm strict about it because otherwise they drive you nuts. if they come out then I have to close the door and they hate that so they stay in bed. before bedtime I give them story time and fun, not after.

if they complain they can't sleep I tell them, they don't need to sleep they just need to rest, and that calms them that it's fine to just lay there.

it took time to get to this, but I was consistant and b'h by 7:00 they are usually sleeping. I start baths between 6 and 6:30.

good luck

momto4

Wed, Feb 28 2007, 4:06 pm

gosh all of u seem to have things down to a science. can u come train my kids? LOL

my 3 yr. old usually goes in nicely at around 6:30 assuming he had no nap that day. he has no problems cuz hes so exhausted. I put my 4 and 5 yr. old daughters in at 7:00. they usually shmooze with eachother for awhile. they do come out of their rooms usually. they need a drink, bathroom, another doll etc. it makes me crazy. im trying to get in more in control by threatening to turn off their lamp if they dont stay. then my 7 yr. old goes in at 7:30 with my 3 yr. old. hes also a bit of a staller.he also has a very hard time falling asleep so he can be up in bed till 10:00 sometimes! if my 3 yr. old happens to still be up then its crazy and they end up having a party till 9:00 sometimes. anyway good luck!

dr pepper

Wed, Feb 28 2007, 8:07 pm

I put the baby asleep at 7:30. Sometimes I nurse her for 5 minutes before bed, sometimes I just put her in the crib.

DH takes care of the 2 year old. Around 7:30, he takes her to brush her teeth and then they go through a routine kissing the mezuzah and saying goodnight to stickers of certain characters in her room. Around 7:40 she's in the crib. Sometimes she doesn't go right to sleep but she plays quietly. She's happy as long as she has her blankie.

curlyhead

Wed, Feb 28 2007, 8:31 pm

The problem with closing the door is that it only work if you have one kid
It is not fair to teh other kid if they are lying down nicely. ANother problem is that my kids could open teh door. My 2 year old does have a 2 hour nap and therfore will not fall asleep till 9 no matter what time I put her down.

shopaholic

Thu, Mar 01 2007, 7:53 am

B"H bedtime here is very easy. DH has made it his job. DS (2.3) goes at 6:30-7 with his pacifier & sippy cup & Barney. Sometimes he even asks to go because he doesn't have naps anymore. DD (4) goes a few minutes later & DS (6.5) 15 minutes or so later. He's the only one who gives us a bit of a hard time. He always has something very important that he just HAS to tell us. It never has anything to do with bedtime.