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SIL said I need her "permission" to "use"
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:07 pm
I love her name. It is Shoshana (although she goes by Shoshy). When she heard I was pregnant she made a point to tell me that I had to get her permission first before naming my baby Shoshana shock Hello!??! Does she OWN that name? Happens to be we're having a girl IYH....and I've always liked the name Shoshana, but I can't stomach calling her up and getting her royal permission. So.... I can just name anyway and to heck with her and her "rules," or just use an entirely other name. WWYD?
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Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:08 pm
Could it be she was just joking? Because that sounds very odd.

Name whatever you like, although we have a minhag to name after deceased close family. Just make sure you won't feel resentful of the name or your dd after the fact.

bishaa tova!!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:11 pm
Fabulous wrote:
Could it be she was just joking? Because that sounds very odd.

Name whatever you like, although we have a minhag to name after deceased close family. Just make sure you won't feel resentful of the name or your dd after the fact.

bishaa tova!!


OP here. I was so appalled that I said, "Shoshy, are you serious???" And she made it clear she was DEAD serious.

Our minhag is also to name after deceased relatives, but a) we're out of names on that front, and b) she's not a biologically close relative. I would never use my living MIL's name for a new baby, but a wife of a husband's brother? It's a common name and we like it!
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Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:12 pm
ok. The heck with her. Do what you want. You are not naming after her so too darn bad.
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Sugar plum




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:13 pm
That sounds like an extremely arrogant thing to say. It's your child and you can name her whatever you please, she doesn't have ownership of the name. Keep in mind any tension this may cause and if that is important to you. Feel well and bsha'a tova.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:13 pm
I would choose a different name. Doesn't sound like something worth fighting over- it's not as if it was your dear great grandmother's name or something.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:16 pm
MaBelleVie wrote:
I would choose a different name. Doesn't sound like something worth fighting over- it's not as if it was your dear great grandmother's name or something.


I could take the moral high ground here, but it's so unfair. I am expecting a girl after a whole bunch of boys and I had my heart set on that name for at least a decade!
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:16 pm
You could find a rebbetzin with that name who is nifteres and name after THAT Shoshana. I love the name Shoshana. But, then you'd probably have snooty SIL problem

Is there another name that you like? It might not be worth the hassle.

B'sha'ah tovah!
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:18 pm
I just read your update. I would tell her exactly that. You've had your heart set on this name since before you knew her, there are lots of other Shoshanas, etc... It isn't fair of her to make this demand on you. I would reassure her that you aren't going to call the baby Shoshy.
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:20 pm
Sounds like she already knew you like the name Shoshana and is purposely being obnoxious. While it is kind of infantile, I would make a point of telling her that you have had your heart set on this name since before you knew her and you have no intention of asking her permission. Just so she knows how things are. It's much better than surprising her and having a possibly public scene.

Last edited by chaylizi on Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:20 pm
Who is your SIL named for ?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:24 pm
chocolate moose wrote:
Who is your SIL named for ?


No idea. She is DH's brother's wife. Happy to read you're mostly saying it's okay to name the name I want - but advise to tell her up front - even though that irks me too. I was also thinking of DH telling his brother, or even me telling him (I find him very easy to talk to and down to earth UNLIKE his wife) about the whole name thing.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:26 pm
EITAM, can you think of a rebetzin with that name?

I don't think she's trying to be obnoxious; she's just extremely self-centered. Rolling Eyes
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:31 pm
amother wrote:
chocolate moose wrote:
Who is your SIL named for ?


No idea. She is DH's brother's wife. Happy to read you're mostly saying it's okay to name the name I want - but advise to tell her up front - even though that irks me too. I was also thinking of DH telling his brother, or even me telling him (I find him very easy to talk to and down to earth UNLIKE his wife) about the whole name thing.


Since it's your DH's brother's wife, what does your DH have to say about it? If he's so easy to talk to, maybe keep this discussion between the guys, and your BIL could have a quiet hypothetical discussion about it with his wife, without you having to tell her outright.
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WWG1WGA




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:33 pm
the whole thing is just ridiculous. have your baby and don't even glance at her, this has and never will have nothing to do with her. If you talk to her abt it, it just shows her that her arrogance is accepted. ignore any comment she gives you, don't talk about the babys name b4 or after you name her and a DO WHAT YOU DARN LIKE! Rolling Eyes
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:35 pm
Rebetzins with the name Shoshana... apparently a few out there not that any are someone you want to name after but they exist Smile


http://www.wherewhatwhen.com/a.....n-ah/

http://matzav.com/rebbetzin-sh.....tz-ah

http://www.chareidi.org/archiv.....r.htm

http://www.crcweb.org/communit.....0.pdf
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:36 pm
chaylizi wrote:
Sounds like she already knew you like the name Shoshana and is purposely being obnoxious. While it is kind of infantile, I would make a point of telling her that you have had your heart set on this name since before you knew her and you have no intention of asking her permission. Just so she knows how things are. It's much better than surprising her and having a possibly public scene.


I agree with the content of this, but it probably would be politic to frame it more as "Shoshy, since you brought this up with me, I wanted to tell you in advance that we do plan to name the baby Shoshana. I feel really bad that you are sensitive about this, but I've had my heart set on having a daughter named Shoshana for years."

And again, "I'm sorry you're upset about this, but this is really important to me. I'm telling you in advance so that you can get used to it."

Be sweet, apologize, and do what you want!
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chocolate chips




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:37 pm
Seriously? Its not like she is a grandparent or sibling. Its your baby. Name her what you like.

When you tell her the name say "shani, from shoshana" or just say nothing. Its none of her beeswax!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:40 pm
Fabulous wrote:
ok. The heck with her. Do what you want. You are not naming after her so too darn bad.
Yes SIL will have to get a life but that's not your job. You aren't doing this to offend her, so it's up to her to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her and get over it.
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MrsDash




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 9:44 pm
We aren't talking about a sister, niece, aunt, or even a second cousin. She married into YOUR family. Would she have not married her husband if he had a sibling with the same name? If the name really means a lot to you, don't let something ridiculous like this spoil anything.
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