ways to teach child derech eretz???PLEASE!!

newu

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 9:56 pm

I'm so desperate for help. I have a great child who loves to be the center of attention. Unfortunately, he does not think about what he's doing when he says and does things and will say and do things that are disrespectful. My husband and I are going to try much harder to watch what we do and say b/c we know that that is how he will learn. But PLEASE does anyone have any ideas how we can get through to him the importance of respecting his teachers and other adults??? Any suggestions on how we can teach him to have derech eretz w/o always pointing things out to him? any suggestions would be very much appreciated!!

mirikush

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 11:56 pm

We have an issue with derech eretz at my sons' yeshiva. I asked my maspiah about it on shabbos as a child through challah at me from an overpass in the school as I walked under... Sad

She said that most boys in the schools do not respect adults because of what they hear at home ie parents openly discussing a teachers lack of teaching ability or disrespecting other adults in the community...We sometimes say things and don't realise that there are little ears listening. The child that threw the challah obviously has heard his parents discussing issues about my husband and I. My husband has had to approach this person many times because of this particular son....
But I don't think this is the only thing that has changed. When I was a child I would get up for an older person on public transport, I still open doors etc. but I see a change in the younger generation (and I am not so old). I caught public transport once when I was very pregnant and I got up and gave my seat to a frail old lady...nobody else bothered to offer.
As children we learn from the actions of adults around us...relatives, friends teachers etc...You are not alone in this lack of derech eretz trust me. I to will be interested in what others on imamother will say and advise they give.

HindaRochel

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 11:57 pm

First; is it possible the child is add/adhd? Or has some other actual medical condition that interferes with his understanding of proper social behaviour?

If the answer is "no". then what you can do is practice. Take situations where you know he has acted impulsively in the past and repeat them; have him stop, think about a better response. Give him situations and have him act them out. What could you have done differently here? What is a better choice there? Make it a game; have fun. Think of silly situations which you can practice situations that may come up.

Find a word that you can use with your son when you are with him to get him to stop and think. Again, practice. Whatever phrase you use should not reveal what you are doing. For example you might say his name and "sweet" or "buddy".

Also be specific about what actions are considered disrespectful.

Imaonwheels

Wed, Jan 03 2007, 2:02 am

I'll be the bad guy here. Who is in his class you cannot control, nor can you control parents. Most of us cannot educate parents, neither is it our job.

What we can do is only:

1. First and foremost and already said - be an example ourselves. W/o this our kids don't stand a chance. Also no matter how cute or intelligent (or even well deserved) do not laugh or show approval if what he said is not respectful.

2. Make sure that there are not bad examples in books, magazines, videos or shows that your child has access to. No literary value, concepts in limudei chol, pleasure or hours of keeping them busy is worth anything that gives them the impression that any thing is to be gained from a lack of derech eretz or that its cute.

3. The classmates you cannot control. However, you can control who he plays with out of school. I check to see who the other children are before signing them into a chug. I do not allow chutzpahdik kids to play w/them. Because we own the mecolet and sell the nosh we get a bird's eye view of whose kids act like mentschen and whose don't.