Do you put out candy for the trick-or-treaters?

pobody's nerfect

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 8:18 pm

This question is obviously not for those of you who live in primarily Jewish neighborhoods like Williamsburg, BP, certain areas of Monsey, etc.

I live in a neighborhood of mostly non-Jews and non-affiliated Jews. Haloween is a BIG deal out here. As in, a house down the block decorated their ENTIRE lawn with life size zombies, including babies. it was so disturbing. (of course, Yitzy was excited to see skeletons because he is obsessed with bones at the moment.)

My DH said of course we need to buy candy and put it outside in a bowl with a sign to take one. I was SHOCKED. He said to do it so we wouldn't get egged by teenagers. I asked around and some friends (including very yeshivish ones) do put out candy, some for DH's reason and some 'just to be nice'.

I feel very strongly that it is bad chinuch for our children to do this. (Even if this year we can do it secretly, eventually they will realize.) We make a point of saying how lucky we are to have Chanuka and Purim and Sukkos etc, while these people who are not Yidden don't have special days and instead they just have silly holidays where they decorate their houses. As a kid, hearing about the non-jews and their basketloads of candy made me very jealous; why should I rub it in my kids' faces by giving out candy?

Of course, DH let me make the final decision and we did not put out candy. We did turn off the porch light and all the lights in the front of the house (dining room, living room, hallway) so people would not knock.

What are your thoughts?

vintagebknyc

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 8:34 pm

I give out candy, I answer the door. I love watching the kids in the costumes, seeing how they've grown up since last year. Just because it isn't my holiday doesn't mean I have to pretend I'm not home. Do I believe in the holiday? No. But the children are having fun and I'm not going to pretend the little kids aren't running around.

I know this will not be a popular response, so bash away. At least I'm not putting a costume on my cat. Plus, DH s thrilled when there's leftover candy

mummiedearest

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 9:19 pm

my dh and I disagree as well. so I don't buy the candy, but if he opens the door to trick-or-treaters by mistake (it just happened, actually), he has to find them something from our snack cabinet. fortunately I had a whole lot of organic lollipops lying around... I turned off the outdoor light after that, and no more knocks. and yeah, people go a little nuts with the decor around here...

imamiri

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 9:41 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Same. DH loves answering the door and the kids are always so stinking cute. The scruffy teenagers not so much but we give them candy too.

And he insists we buy "good candy" but I am guessing this is because there's always leftover.

Last edited by imamiri on Wed, Oct 31 2012, 9:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

gp2.0

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 9:42 pm

I would either do the bowl thing to be nice to the neighbors or shut the lights and pretend nobody is home. But I don't understand this method of parenting:

Quote:

while these people who are not Yidden don't have special days and instead they just have silly holidays where they decorate their houses.

Can't you teach tolerance of all people and religions and practices without knocking down others? We have our own holiday where we get candy. What's the big deal?

ceo

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:03 pm

pobody's nerfect wrote:

I feel very strongly that it is bad chinuch for our children to do this.

I really don't know why you think it's "bad chinuch." I live in a very Jewish- non frum neighborhood, I always make sure to have something on hand. My kids know that there are some non-jews and jewish people that dont' know about the mitzvos, and they do this weird thing on the last day of October. Without me saying anything, they think it's ridiculous. And one of my kids even said, "it's so rude....they ask strangers for candy?"
Believe me, I have much bigger chinuch problems thank my kids knowing about Halloween. ..

and we have plenty of holidays where they get treats: purim, channukah (doughnuts, simchas torah,), never mind shabbos party every week!

Tonight I was reading to my kid from the big madeline book we got at the library (a collection of all the stories). He pointed to the one with the tree on it and said, "I don't want to read that. it's non jewish." My kids know that there are things we don't do. Nigmar.

It's also important to be a nice neighbor, within the parameters of halacha and torah hashkafa.

rachelbg

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:04 pm

When we were little we LOVED opening the door for the other neighborhood kids in their costumes. It was so exciting!

Of course it was never a question - this is their fun and their 'holiday;' we have our Torah-based, meaningful holidays. To us the whole thing was a joke that it was fun facilitate.

We'd always fight over the leftovers.

pobody's nerfect

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:04 pm

davka we want our children to know that everything we do has a reason in the Torah, while for many non-Jews there is no reason for their actions.

And don't tell me Halloween is religious. Less than one percent of the population knows anything deeper than spooky stuff and candy.

imamiri

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:18 pm

pobody's nerfect wrote:

What percentage of the Jewish population is Orthodox?

shnitzel

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:18 pm

I think it is menshlicht and a kiddush Hashem to put out candy. Your kids will grow up knowing it is not something they are a part of because they don't dress up and collect candy. I think it is a way of showing your neighbours you are a nice person.

The worst that can happen is that you give someone a positive experience with an Orthodox Jew

Last edited by shnitzel on Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

Barbara

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:18 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Ditto.

Barbara

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:27 pm

pobody's nerfect wrote:

I'm impressed that everything that you do has a reason in the Torah.

Me, not so much. This post I'm writing? No reason in the Torah. Washing the dishes? Can't see a Torah-based reason there, either. In fact, I'd so that 95% of the things I do have no Torah-based reason.

Same for our kids. They do lots of things just because they're fun, not because there's a reason for them in the Torah. Unless, of course, you can find me the parsha on football (and basketball. and baseball. and hockey).

Well, Halloween is no different. Its not a religious holiday except for Pagans. (And believe it or not, I do have Pagan friends.) Its an opportunity for kids to dress in costumes, have parties, go trick-or-treating (and if you think that Orthodox kids don't beg for candy from strangers, then you've never been to my shul on Simchat Torah), and eat lots of candy.

gp2.0

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:33 pm

Barbara wrote:

pobody's nerfect wrote:

ITA with all of this. I just didn't have the patience to type it up so was hoping someone else would. Wink

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 10:48 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

I am with you except 7 years ago we moved into a neighbourhood with like NO kids, or whatever kids there are go to other hoods to trick or treat. tonight, shock of shocks, we had one kid and nothing to give. I regret that I did not have something.

we stopped actually going out once we started observing holidays fully. cause who can eat more? so we typically go to the movies which are empty that night, and since no one comes to us anyways, why not.

but tonight, both kids had swim practice, and usually no one comes, so we did nothing at all...

chocolate chips

Wed, Oct 31 2012, 11:24 pm

My mother used to give the kids that came some leftover candies from simchas torah!

In BP now there are few if any trick or treaters I guess they learnt to go to more non-jewish areas.

At work today though there was a couple kids who rang the bell of the office but we had nothing there so they went away.