Aliyah as "damaged goods" single w/ mental health

amother

Mon, Nov 05 2012, 9:48 pm

Please read this and really think about it before telling me that I should of course come to EY. Based on the reasons below, I think it would be a disaster for me, but I find myself drawn to it anyway. What do you think?

- I am 37.

- I am divorced.

- I converted 6 years ago.

- I have bipolar disorder. I am OK about 75% of the time, but a few years I crash hard and am barely able to function for weeks or months while I go to therapy and have my meds adjusted. I am going through such a phase now. I am extremely anxious, break down in tears several times a day because of how worthless and useless I feel, and am pretty much a wreck.

- I have no children. Due to my advanced age and PCOS, it's very unlikely that I will be able to have children. Due to the bipolar disorder, I have decided that having children is a very bad idea for me.

- I do not learn new languages easily.

- I do not adjust to change easily.

- I have a job in America in IT that pays very well. Due to the language barrier I don't know how well I'd transition to such a job in EY.

Fabulous

Mon, Nov 05 2012, 9:53 pm

besides for it being the holy land, any reason you want to move there? Family? Friends? area? Do you have a support system where you are now? friends? family?

Why not just go on an extended vacation when you are feeling better?

I don't know you, but if you were my friend I would say it doesn't sound like such a good idea.

amother

Mon, Nov 05 2012, 10:03 pm

OP here.

I do believe that it's a mitzvah and EY is home. As much as I fear change, I still love the idea of starting over somewhere else, being free from the person I currently am and being able to reinvent myself. I want to live somewhere where the people are my people and the holidays are my holidays.

I have no family or friends in EY.

mummiedearest

Mon, Nov 05 2012, 10:08 pm

interesting idea, op. but here's the flaw: you can't reinvent yourself by changing countries. you're still going to be you. the people and holidays may suit you better, but a change of atmosphere will not be the cause of any personal changes to such a degree.

definitely go on vacation if you can. maybe take multiple trips there over the next few years and see if you can become attached to a neighborhood. if you can, then consider moving there.

punchike

Mon, Nov 05 2012, 11:09 pm

Op,
You mention that the reason you want to move to Israel is because you want to reinvent yourself.
But, happiness, inner peace, and freedom isn't something you'll find by traveling many miles. It's something that's found within.

Moving to another country without being fluent in the language, and giving up your current well paying job isn't advisable in my opinion. There are so many truly good things you can do for yourself and for others by remaining where you are.
Is there a cause or a person you can help in some way? Do you have a new hobby or skill you'd like to develop? Is there a subject you'd be interested in studying? Which of your talents can you develop further?
These can be extremely rewarding to you, without risking creating havoc and upheaval in your life. I wish you success.

Chana Miriam S

Tue, Nov 06 2012, 12:44 am

amother wrote:

re reinventing yourself. wherever you go, there YOU are.

you can reinvent yourself where you are now. its my experience in working with people with bpd that THIS idea of moving, right now, is probably part of your cycle and that of course, you should not be making such a decision while you are trying to balance out.

if you read what you wrote when you are back to your usual self, you'll be looking at it, thinking 'how did I ever think it was a good idea to do that?'

its no different than wanting to go off meds, or any of the other behaviours that can totally derail a great and stable place with your bpd. some of the best people on the planet have bpd, but the ones who achieve the most and stay the most stable are the ones who stay the course, and don't make rash decisions about disrupting themselves from their support networks and their medical people and do these things (or not) with planning and a total concept of how to best make it work (or not do it at all.)

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll get through this. When you reread this, you'll know it was part of the cycle, because if you ever decide to do it rationally, it will not look like this when you write it out.

chizuk to you. you can do this. just stay the course, stay on meds, keep your support network and use it.