Early sibling rivalry

Chippies

Thu, Nov 08 2012, 11:18 am

I have a 21 month old DD and an almost 4 year old DS. I give my DS lots of jobs around the house - he loves it and it really helps him to stay sane (he can go very hyper otherwise). However, my DD loves to help around the house too, and lately I have found that whenever I ask her to do something, my DS does her job before she has the chance. For example, if I ask her to put her laundry in the basket, my son will grab the clothes away from her and quickly run to the basket before her, saying, "I want to do the mitzvah!!!". And any time she does get the chance to do something good, and I reinforce by saying something like, "wow, you are such a mitzvah girl!" my DS then responds, "that's not fair...aren't I a mitzvah boy???" I give him plenty of positive attention and reinforce constantly. I am sure that this is typical behaviour for a 4 year old; I'm just wondering how I should respond to him when he acts this way. When possible, I try to get both of them to work together and they typically do follow through pretty well and then they both get praised for what they do. But sometimes my DD wants to do something by herself, and I think that's great and she should be encouraged! It is just getting harder and harder to do when my DS is around. Any suggestions?

imasinger

Thu, Nov 08 2012, 4:56 pm

They sound very bright and helpful! Enjoy them! Those are wonderful problems to have.

How about if you told both kids that it was a special mitzvah to applaud someone else's mitzvah, and give them some reinforcement for that? Once you set it up, and you're in the reminder stage, it might go something like this:

"DD, could you please help me put the laundry in the basket? DS, remember, you are going to have a chance for the special mitzvah of telling DD what a mitzvah girl she is, then we'll be able to say what a mitzvah boy YOU are!"

DD puts laundry in basket. "Thanks so much, sweetie!" Wait and see if DS says anything. If not, then prompt him, "And what does my mitzvah boy have to say? Can he say 'Great job'?"

"Great job, sister."

"Hurray for DS! I'm so lucky to have 2 such special mitzvah kids. Later on, I'll have a special job for DS, and DD can do the special mitzvah of saying what a good job he did."