taken for granted | Imamother

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Taken for granted

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amother

Sun, Nov 11 2012, 12:14 pm

Wonder how many times you can be used before you finally say forget it. This friend seems to be eager for me do to things constantly for free when in the blink of an eye she would pay somebody else for the same favor. It's not that I can't say no just that I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and being treated like a child.

Feeling bad rather than guilty. Because I'm a nice person.

amother

Sun, Nov 11 2012, 2:37 pm

amother wrote:

It's not that I can't say no just that I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and being treated like a child.

Prove it. Say no already. Or are you like many alcoholics and smokers, claiming to be " able to quit any time I want to, I just don't want to"?

amother

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 10:33 am

I thought maybe she got left hanging so I felt bad, but I said no.

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 10:39 am

Good for you!
When you let people take advantage of you, you're not being a good person. You're being an "enabler", making it possible for selfish people to continue being selfish. It's not a mitzvah to be a doormat.

justcallmeima

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 12:09 pm

Quote: When you let people take advantage of you, you're not being a good person. You're being an "enabler", making it possible for selfish people to continue being selfish. It's not a mitzvah to be a doormat.

I am still trying to learn this lesson.

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 12:45 pm

Aren't we all.

imasinger

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 3:29 pm

justcallmeima wrote:

I wish I could like this post 1000 times.

amother

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 4:16 pm

imasinger wrote:

justcallmeima wrote:

I wish I could like this post 1000 times.

I had a friend whom I before befriended when we were very young.
Great school friends, we had lots of fun tog.

It took me years to realize, that she's was constantly taking from me. I love giving, but NOT being taken advantage of. She really was using me.

I slowly started distancing myself from her, very tactfully, no hard feelings. by now were just plain friends.
I miss her, but I feel it was the right thing for me to do.

amother

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 4:24 pm

I genuinely like to do things for people. Just not always especially if it's expected. Some instances are when I genuinely can't but then this person will go and pay another person. Or better yet when I actually do a favor and then she gets the same thing a different week and pays. And that is when I feel used and taken for granted. Sort of like chopped liver.

greenfire

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 4:30 pm

what's wrong with chopped liver ... I rather like it with onions

as with everything there's a balance

justcallmeima

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:17 pm

OP- It seems that the thing that really bothers you is that she wants you to do something for free that she is willing to pay someone else to do. I know this is REALLY REALLy hard, but I would encourage you to say to her, next time she asks you to do something, "I'd love to do it Chani, but I have to charge you my regular rate". I suggest you practice this with your husband or another friend and practice it again and again until you think you could actually say it to her. I know it's hard, but it will make you feel strong instead of feeling "taken for granted". Hatzlacha rabah.

33055

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:59 pm

I think it depends on the favor. Is this a common favor people do for friends but pay others?

Certain friends I would never dream of offering money to watch my kids although I would pay other people. I trust the "free" people more because they are closer to me. So at times I will have my friends watch my kids. It is not a matter of saving money in my mind. It is who I trust more.

I

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