Kallah Wearing Colored Shoes

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Is there something wrong with a kallah wearing colored shoes to her wedding?

Yes

31%

[ 58 ]

68%

[ 129 ]

Total Votes : 187

dimyona

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 7:58 am

A close friend of mine is getting married, and plans to wear very elegant colored shoes to her wedding, matching to the color scheme. She's also considering wearing a matching sash. Her mother is extremely disturbed by the kallah not wearing "pure white" and is very upset about this, but the kallah feels that it is very important to her to have that teeny pop of color. She is very artistic and enjoys novelty, and really is very hung up on this. She says she will not be happy without it. This is what she always dreamed she would do on her wedding day, but she doesn't want to upset her family.

My own research shows that wearing white is a relatively modern non-Jewish trend started by Queen Victoria that was adopted by the Jewish community. The kallah feels that this does not necessitate to conform, and she would still like to wear her dream shoes.

What to do? Is there any inyan to wearing pure white? There was an endless thread years ago about a green gown, but this is clearly not of that magnitude. What would you do if this was your daughter??

(If you want to refer to the old thread, here's the link: http://www.imamother.com/forum.....art=0 )

Last edited by dimyona on Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:02 am; edited 1 time in total

Tzippora

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:01 am

It's totally common nowadays in non-Jewish circles and I've seen the same thing at a number of Jewish weddings.

What exactly is the mother worried about if her daughter does have the pop of color? That people will think she isn't a virgin? That she's independent-minded? Tell mommy to chill out, this is not worth fighting over and will probably look fantastic.

GetReal

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:04 am

I once called a Rav about something similar on behalf of a friend. He said it was fine halachically/hashkafically but people might look at her as interesting/odd. She wanted to add more color than just a sash and shoes though. Shoes are usually mostly covered at least, and I think a nice sash looks good with white. Many kallahs wear sneakers for dancing that aren't pure white. When my friend asked me I researched and found white mentioned in Jewish sources but nothing so definitive that it seemed like a splash of color with a white dress would be any kind of issue.

Bigger problem is her making her mother upset and her mother not hearing how much this means to her. I think they really need to sit down and communicate and really listen to each other.

33055

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:04 am

When I got married five years ago the style shown was a different colored fabric tied at the waist. It seems kind of dated to me.

If it was my daughter I would let her do it. Why not? What color is she thinking?

Barbara

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:07 am

Its no one's business but the bride, IMNSHO.

BTW, beaded belts or colored sashes have been very "in" for wedding dresses over the past few years. See, eg, http://www.lightinthebox.com/n.....c3232

dimyona

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:08 am

Thanks guys. I think the Kallah's mother is more upset about creating a community scandal and being the talk of the town. She actually compared wearing colored shoes to wearing a nose ring. I don't think it's such a big deal; if anything, it may set a trend.

The color she wants to use is a muted royal blue.

Do you know of any other frum weddings where the kallah wore any color?

Tzippora

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:09 am

dimyona wrote:

Yes, I know of one where the bride wore a sky-blue sash. It looked lovely.

GetReal

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:11 am

I have been to countless weddings where the kallah had sneakers that were bright green or whatever. Many times in the "friends" picture after the first dance, she makes sure they show.

Recently I was at a frum wedding where the kallah had blue shoes.

Faigy86

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:13 am

Barbara wrote:

Its no one's business but the bride, IMNSHO.

and maybe the groom's. If it is in a community where it is really considered 'far out' it may be prudent to seek his input.
then again, I'm assuming that he values this quality she has if he is marrying her.

yo'ma

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:15 am

dimyona wrote:

Is there any inyan to wearing pure white?

I don't know about any inyan, halacha, minhag or anything like that, but my wedding dress was not pure white and neither were most of my sisters. They were off white/cream. I know that's not the same thing as blue, but people did say something and it was all positive Very Happy

. Looking at the pictures barbara posted, I thing they look beautiful and I would say something, "how beautiful" Wink

. I am just plain frum, if that makes any difference.

sima

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:16 am

personally I would love that. Dont see an issue with it at all. of course some very chassidishe groups it may not work, but otherwise...... let her enjoy

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:18 am

The white wedding gown is indeed of Victorian origin, and traditional wedding costumes of some eidot hamizrach are very colorful indeed.

A little bit of color embellishment seems to be a newish style. The last couple of weddings I've attended, the kallah wore a sash or bolero or something that matched the wedding party's gowns. In 20-30 years, that touch of color may make the wedding pix scream "20-teens" the way pastel tuxedoes scream 1970s, but so what? It's a pretty look.

If it were my dd, my fashion opinion wouldn't count for beans. It's her wedding and she can wear what she likes. I'd be unhappy if she chose to get married in a pair of biking shorts and a halter top , regardless of color, or a T-shirt with a suggestive statement emblazoned on the front, but assuming her outfit offends neither our religious sensibilities nor the principles of good taste-- her wedding, her decision. I certainly wouldn't make an issue over colored shoes and a sash.

Your friend's mother needs to get a life. She's probably clinging to the long-outdated notion that an all-white wedding outfit means the bride is virgo intacta, and any smidgen of color means her ketubah shouldn't say "besulta da". This is utter nonsense and always has been.

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:24 am

I will say that if the bride wants to wear colored shoes, she should add some of the same color elsewhere, like the sash she's proposing. All white with just the colored shoes would look gauche, as if she grabbed the wrong shoes on her way over, rather than like a deliberate fashion statement.

spring13

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:25 am

I wore white shoes for the ceremony and changed into a pair of bright purple sneakers for dancing: in retrospect, the white shoes were totally pointless. Purple was MY favorite color, I didn't see why my sisters and so on should get to wear it but not me! If I'd had my dress made instead of getting from a gemach, I might very well have ended up with a colored sash/trim instead of silver. People thought my sneakers were great, I got lots of compliments.

A couple of years later my friend one-upped me by wearing the most hilarious pair of purple high heels for the beginning/ceremony, and a pair of purple sequined sneakers for dancing. Her sister wore glittery silver Toms to her own wedding this year. I started a trend!

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:27 am

BTW the various weddings at which I saw colored sashes etc. were all right-wing, semi-chassidish affairs.

shoeboxgirly

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:28 am

I wore these for my wedding, personally I'm not sure if there is some hashkafic/halachic issue, but I wanted something that matched my colour scheme. Most of the time no one can see your feet anyway!

GingerSpice

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:32 am

Yea, I did. I had a colored sash and it went down the train of the gown. I also didnt wear fancy white shoes.

33055

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:33 am

I am certainly not a fashion maven. I don't really know trends so listen to the other posters. I used to see the colored waists in the windows of a frum wedding store. They are not there anymore. IDKW.

Raisin

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:34 am

I know a lubavitch family who davka wear non white dresses (and not cream, I think one wore a light pink dress) since white dresses are originally a non Jewish custom.

Personally I don't like the coloured sash look but its her wedding, I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

dimyona

Tue, Nov 13 2012, 8:36 am

The groom loves the idea of colored shoes and sash. He might wear a matching tie as well Smile

. The main issue is the kallah's family....and the very traditional wedding guests.

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