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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Is it quite unfeeling to have sold the house already?



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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:10 pm
somebody I was friends with passed on late September on yom kippur. it's now the ed of november so that was only two months ago. She has only one family relative living in this country and she left her house to that person. This person straight away after my friend passed on got to the business of emptying the house, furniture, photographs everything and selling the house and last week, I found out, it's already been sold. Don't know since when but all in the space of 2 months.
Am I weird or is that just really fast and unfeeling? I mean my grandma passed on a year ago and family members of mine have still not done anything with her house and many things of hers are still in the house. People stay there occasionally but we have yet to decide what to do with it and are taking our time.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:14 pm
she also removed the mezuzah from the front door
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:14 pm
It is a huge expense to own two homes. If they left it empty they were paying property taxes, utilities and upkeep on two homes. An empty home is begging for thieves and squatters to come and take over.

Unless someone has a lot of disposable income for sentiment, selling right away is the practical thing to do. I am impressed that they managed to clean it out and sell it that quickly!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:17 pm
maybe she is poor and really needs the money? your friend left her the house so, that's obviously what she wants for her
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:17 pm
If she sold he house to a non Jew she has to remove the mezuzah. Otherwise it could/would end up defaced and disposed of improperly. Sad
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AlwaysThinking




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:29 pm
I reckon it's just because the relative is the organised sort. Going through a home and getting it ready to sell, especially if you don't want the responsibility of owning two homes, is probably the better option.

I do see where you are coming from though, although when a close relative of mine passed away and everything stayed as it was for ages, I just found it creepy.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:38 pm
Good for her! She sounds like a real organized and efficient type of person. There's nothing sacred about the house. It's not as if she sold it out from under her relative and threw the old lady into an institution. The deceased has no further use for the house, she bequeathed to her next of kin, and the house is doing nobody any good just sitting around empty. Her house and her possessions are not HER, and hanging on to her possessions is not going to bring her back. Nor is hanging on to her house a sign of respect. It's usually a sign of procrastination and inability to make decisions.

This woman should go into business helping people who find themselves unable to take action after the death of a relative.
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shoeboxgirly




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:41 pm
Different people have different ways of letting go...like ripping off a band aid is the comparison to think of. Just because you wouldn't do it that way doesn't mean it was wrong.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 12:57 pm
I understand where you are coming from, but even in our religion, we are told that there is nothing to benefit from extending our sense of loss - which will inevitably happen if she was to delay the selling of the house and just keep it there, all her possessions, photographs etc inside it. That is why the shiva period is a set amount of time, not so long, and then we have to gradually move on. Moving on is not saying I am over it - that could never be possible - it's just ackowledging that the person is with Hashem now and we have to slowly get back to living our lives as normal. So it's the same with the house. It's not the house that will stay with you it's the memories of the person and the way they were - not where they lived. that's just material. so in a way, what she has done has helped to bring closure.
so I agree with what others have said, but I do understand your feelings, obviously you are a feeling/emotional sort, and nothing wrong with that!
bless you!
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abby1776




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 2:39 pm
My mother in law passed away 12 years ago. My father in law still has all her things in the apartment - clothes, everything.

I think the person who cleaned out the house and sold it should be commended for being so organized and on top of things.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 5:20 pm
People deal with grief in their own way. I wouldn't presume to judge.
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OOTBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 6:23 pm
My sister and I put our mother a"h's house on the market shortly after she passed away. We both lived in other cities and wanted to be finished with it. It was sitting empty in a good market. We sold it right away and had no regrets.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 26 2012, 7:51 pm
My mother rented out her parents' home for many years after my grandmother died.
The tenant didn't pay rent and my mother had a tough time - emotionally - evicting her or getting any rent from her. The tenant lived there for years without paying rent. She lost a ton by doing this. And my mother is definitely not rich. The place then sat empty because my mom had a tough time dealing with it.

It's best to go through everything and sell immediately. It is very difficult to go through things. I know because I helped my mother do it. The first time I was a young teen and we went through everything to get the house ready to rent. The second time was after the tenant destroyed the place and I went there - without my mother - to clean and take some things that were still left in storage there before it was sold.

The relative did the smart thing financially and emotionally IMO.
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willow




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 27 2012, 10:45 am
ElTam wrote:
People deal with grief in their own way. I wouldn't presume to judge.


This really is the answer
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 27 2012, 10:58 am
Also, keep in mind that an unoccupied house can become a target for looters, squatters, animals, etc. Winter is fast approaching, and without someone to regulate the heat and turn on water periodically, pipes can freeze and burst, literally ruining a house.

In fact, most people I've known in such a situation remove the possessions immediately to rented storage units so that they can go through them at their own pace while preparing to sell the property as quickly as possible.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 27 2012, 1:26 pm
it's ok if you feel that it was, but to her, maybe she is more detached emotionally from the situation and she just felt ready to do it. you don't know how close she was to your friend just that she's a "relative". well, a relative can have no emotional bond with another relative, not nearly as much as a friend. as after all, we choose our friends, and they come into our lives.
whatever the situation, she obviously wanted to get on with things, and that's just what she chose to do. anybody would have to do it some time, unless they were going to put another family in there to use it or something.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 27 2012, 3:37 pm
My mother moved out of her house years ago. The upkeep of an empty house falls on me and mostly my husband. It is time consuming and expensive.
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