I hope this site is not bringing down good frum women!

squirrel

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 12:36 pm

This has been bothering me ever since I heard about this site, it seems like many women out there are coming here for advice without knowing who they are getting it from.
There are all types on here ranging from ultra orthodox to modern. Many are asking questions that belongs to a rav.
So many people here feel they are allowed to paskin and sometimes even advising against halacha. If you were told by your rav that something is okay, that may be for you in your situation but not for others.
It would be advisable that instead of telling them what you do rather refer them to their local rabbi.

Also people seem to be offending those who are more stringent with halacha. I feel that some women here are made to feel stupid for being so frum and I am sure they are wondering that if everyone is doing so then why should I be so 'frummed out'!
It also surprises me to see how things have changed drastically over the last few years, im so afraid to raise my children is this crazy world.
So to those who have given their opinions that I.e. oral relations, zera levatala, shomer nagiah (before marriage). is okay, please think before doing so and the same to those frum Bais Yaakov girls coming here with halacha questions please remember that anyone here could be answering your questions, (would you ask any modern person walking down the street?).
Thats why we have so many rabbanim who make themselves available for us.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 12:42 pm

squirrel wrote:

Quote:

So to those who have given their opinions that I.e. oral relations, zera levatala, shomer nagiah (before marriage). is okay, please think before doing so and the same to those frum Bais Yaakov girls coming here with halacha questions please remember that anyone here could be answering your questions, (would you ask any modern person walking down the street?).
Thats why we have so many rabbanim who make themselves available for us.

First things first, to some FRUM people oral s ex is allowed, it may not be for everyone, but dont assur something that is allowed for some.
Also, people come to this site to ask questions NOT of a rav. They want to get other women's opinions on things, even if it is a halachic thing. Nothing wrong with that. Nobody is asking for psak, they want to hear other women and how they may be able to answer their questions.
Why is that a bad thing?

zaq

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 12:43 pm

squirrel wrote:

Also people seem to be offending those who are more stringent with halacha. .

But for this line, I'd have "liked" your post. People are equally guilty offending those who are less stringent, making it painfully clear that they consider "not frum" or "not really frum" or "can't trust their frumkeit" anyone who doesn't observe the stringencies that they do. And there a whole lot of ignorance out there about what is halacha lemoshe misinai and what is an optional stringency and what is not even a stringency but a particular group's social norm that has no relevance to any other group.

Barbara

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 12:50 pm

squirrel wrote:

Actually, I wouldn't ask a halachic question of anyone walking down the street, whether he was wearing a black hat, crocheted kippah, or rocking a Speedo. But you pick on "modern" people (without the courtesy of adding "Orthodox"). So the sum total of your advice appears to be, "frum ladies, BEWARE. There are Modern Orthodox women on this site, and when you ask a halachic question, they might be answering. And listening to them would bring down good frum women."

Simple1

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 12:53 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Why are you on this site if you feel that way?

Squirrel has a point. I'm on this site because the discussions on fashion, relationships, child rearing, household mngment can be useful and entertaining. I even enjoy the discussions on Judaism but have to keep in mind not to learn halachos and hashkafos from anonymous posters. (Even non amothers are really anonymous too, unless you know them IRL)

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:00 pm

hmm. maybe I'm more stringent by sticking as close to halacha as I can without adding on more "obligations" for people to consider halachos. hmm. so maybe I'm being brought down by women who are toting chumras/minhagei shtus as the way to go. I think I'll quit this site because I can't be bothered checking with my rav before taking on something new, because r' imamother says it's halacha to cut off the ends of the roast before baking it so it must be true. after all, it was done in the alter heim. never mind that that had to do with the size of the roast pan...

squirrel, if you're so concerned, start a women's shiur in your neighborhood. you'll get to talk with women who are likely to be similar to you in terms of philosophy, and no one will discuss marital intimacy issues unless they have problems with social propriety. if you want to discuss the origin of cutting off ends of roast, that's fine. but if you convince someone that they must cut off the end and throw it out, keep in mind that that's bal tashchis. so that would be bringing someone down.

my point? you have no way of knowing that your own opinion, offered in complete innocence, is not bringing someone else down. at some point you need to realize that we are all adults (aside from the trolls) and that we are all responsible for our own actions.

Simple1

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:00 pm

I think a good analogy would be to say that you shouldn't blindly take advice from random posters on a medical site's forums or message boards - ask your doctor, (taking advice from more formal sources such as articles on WebMd seems OK).

Also it would be helpful to know before taking medical advice if these are "homeopathic" types or "medical" types and take advice from sources that suit your lifestyle. Similarly you might want to keep in mind weather the advice giver is MO or more yeshivish, so you can take advice relevant to your lifestyle.

squirrel

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:04 pm

zaq wrote:

squirrel wrote:

Also people seem to be offending those who are more stringent with halacha. .

Zaq you are right and I wanted to include that in my post as well - not to degrade those who do what some dont do, and more frum should not degrade either but my point here was that there are some who hold differently and are coming here for some questionable opinions and going by that. I am not so concerned of the reverse happening iykwim.

zissy2004

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:05 pm

I didn't see op degrade anyone? She just made a good point that women who are asking advice and they come from a very orthodox (or whatever PC word I should use) background she should realise that there are many women on here that come from MO backgrounds and their advice isn't always what's right for her.
Not all women know that- I'm here long enough to know which answers I should discard and which are appropriate for me ( not that I ask Halacha shaalos on here)
No need to become offended in my opinion.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:08 pm

Simple1 wrote:

Chayalle wrote:

Why are you on this site if you feel that way?

If I would feel that my hashkafos are being compromised, I would ditch the advice on fashion, relationships, etc....and not come here. It wouldn't be worth it for me.

But your point is well-taken, and I don't take piskei halachos for myself from posters on this site.

I actually enjoy learning about the broad spectrum of Jewish women out there.....and I'm also B"H comfortable with my place and identity among Jewish women.

squirrel

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:10 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

If we are all adults and responsible for our actions then why are so many women having affairs out of their marriage? (and those people might be some who we are getting advice from.) All im doing is pointing something out to people, something for people to think about.

theprocastinator

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:10 pm

Why not assume that the woman asking for advice is intelligent enough to sort through the advice and use only those that are applicable to her?

Even though I ask my friends IRL for their opinions and advice doesn't mean I have to use it.

Obviously this site has women from all types of backgrounds, and users are aware of that.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 19 2012, 1:10 pm

zissy2004 wrote:

My objection is to the title of this post.