Didnt prepare my daughter

amother

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 1:43 am

for her period,

I feel so guilty.

I am not sure what prompted me tonight to tell my 11 yr old about her period, but when she was coming out of the shower, I realized its time to have "the talk" with her.

I went into the bathroom with her, to show her the pads, when I realized there was a bloody kid fresh in the toilet. It seems she got her period on Sunday and the poor kid didn't say a word. I asked her why she didn't tell me. Her answer??? it didn't bother me. I am so totally freaking out. I was so sure I had time to tell her. More than that, I feel so guilty, how do I make it up to her?

Ima'la

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 2:11 am

You're lucky - sounds like she wasn't bothered by it and took it calmly, so no need to feel guilty! Don't "tell" her to be upset about it (by apologizing profusely, etc.) - mirror her calm, casual reaction. Explain to her what's happening, and when you do, you could casually say, "I meant to tell you about this before it happened - guess I waited too long."

11 is on the young side, so it wasn't unreasonable that you waited this long.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jan 25 2007, 2:13 am

When each of my daughters turned 11, I printed up some material from the internet, sat them down and talked to them. I also made sure that they understood if they had questions or wanted to talk about other things, they were more than welcome to come to me.

I also make it a point to remind them of that every so often.

My oldest (will be 16 in August) still has not hit puberty, and yes, she IS seeing a dr. Her sister (who will be 15 in August) got her first period in November and I make sure she has pads in my house, her father's house (we're divorced) and in her schoolbag.

How can you make it up to your daughter? If you have younger girls, sit them down at 10 or 11 and talk to them about it.

amother

Fri, Jan 26 2007, 2:43 pm

OP here,

I had prepared my older daughter when she was 10 1/2, and she was very scared. All I heard from her for the next few months, was I dont want a period, its not fair, etc. she ended up getting it when she was 13 1/2

so this time, I thought I would give her some more time embarrassed

B"H she seems to be okay with it. One thing, I wont make that mistake, Bli Neider

amother

Fri, Jan 26 2007, 3:26 pm

I got my period for the first time on a class shabbaton. I lined my underwear with tissues but still leaked and stained everywhere. It was awful!!! Everyone in my seventh grade class saw and I was humiliated. But I'll never forget how when I got home, how badly my mom felt for not preparing me.

Mitzvahmom

Fri, Jan 26 2007, 3:32 pm

I got mine at my brother's cubscout overnight!!

My father thought I was dying and wanted to rush me to the emergency room!!

B"H there was a woman there, that sat down and talked to me.

chocolate moose

Fri, Jan 26 2007, 4:00 pm

My mom - who was born in the 30's, also was not prepared, and started at age TEN. So she made sure we knew - but OP, don't beat yourself up about it!

Most kids today know so much so early . . . .

avigayil

Fri, Jan 26 2007, 4:22 pm

MitzvahMom,

That is absolutely hilarious!

I got mine in the middle of 7'th grade science class. How embarrassing. I had been prepared, but it was still a very long day that day.

greenfire

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 8:13 pm

I think girls should be told at 8 or 9 - especially cause they do not need to find out by shock - it also depends on family history - how early etc. But at this point even though you feel bad - she seems fine you said so just make sure she has all the stuff she needs and take care of her that way - nothing else you can really do.

amother

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 8:42 pm

OP here,

I was 12 when I first got my period, and like I said my oldest got it at 13 1/2. So I dont think its genetic

greenfire

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 8:57 pm

I got mine at 11 and my sisters bet 11 & 13 - I expect my kids to get around there as well. So I prepare them early - that's me. My 16 year old got hers after taking meds from gyn. other at 13 and other at 12 - but if I waited till they got it then it would be too late and didn't need them emotional like I was - even though I knew what it was (11 was too shocking - and I didn't tell anyone)

Motek

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 10:16 pm

amother wrote:

I had prepared my older daughter when she was 10 1/2, and she was very scared. All I heard from her for the next few months, was I dont want a period, its not fair, etc.

What was it about what you told her that made her "very scared"? shock

shanie5

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 10:32 pm

its nice to know im not the only big sister who got it after her younger one.
I was 12 1/2 when I got it, my mother had spoken to me already. but my sister was 10 and started a month or 2 before me. my mom had not spoken to her-cuz she figured me first. my sis came to me (crying) and I brought her to my mom.

when my oldest turned 10, my sis bought me a book for my dd and told me to talk to her and not to wait-so I did. so far, my girls have been in the 13-14 yr age range. (my 2nd dd got hers while we were away for shabbos, but I travel prepared and bh it was fine for her).

I got mine the day I took the test for high school-while I was at the school!!!
dont remember how I survived, but I didnt tell my mom for a couple of months - till I needed pads.

amother

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 10:37 pm

I got mine at 9and a half I had no idea what it was and my mother thought some one hurt me.
I survived after I knew what it was I was more embarresed then scared

greenfire

Sat, Jan 27 2007, 10:39 pm

see that's why they need to know young - 8-16 is norm so tell them early - and kindly - and beautifully - and truthfully

BrachaVHatzlocha

Sun, Jan 28 2007, 10:17 am

I got mine at 11. kids are getting it earlier and earlier...really they should be prepared at 9-10!

Mishie

Sun, Jan 28 2007, 12:46 pm

My Mom got her first period when she was 10.5.
So, when I was 9, she sat me down and explained EVERYTHING to me. (and I mean EVERYTHING!!)
I ended up getting it 2 months before my Bat-Mitzvah.