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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Mon, Jan 29 2007, 2:10 pm
should I insist that my 4 yr old help for shabbos?
I want him to learn that everyone has to do something to help even if its only 3 minutes.
but last week, he cried that he didnt want to help. I started to push him into it, then felt like I would give him a bad feeling about helping so I stopped.
where do I draw the line between, everyone must help a little, and if you are too tired/ cranky/ or throw a tantrum, then forget it?
and is it too much to ask him to clean up some toys as his helping?
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su7kids
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 2:51 pm
I don't know if there is a line to draw, but I think you should try to make it a game, and make it a pleasant experience. Helping for Shabbos is a big mitzvah. Mitzvah stars, mitzvah points, mitzvah songs, anything that helps.
Don't make it a bad experience for any age, even yourself!
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shalhevet
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 3:31 pm
I would give him a choice of jobs - do you want to pick up your toys, or help set the table or .... (no more than 2 or 3 options). He's bound to want to do one of them and so you'll be giving him the chinuch, even if you're not getting him to do exactly what is the most helpful for you (most kids learn early on to hate tidying up  )
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chaimsmom
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 3:31 pm
I view picking up toys and helping for shabbos as two different things. I always insisted that my son help pick up his toys - from the time he could walk. It didn't matter how much he kvetcehd, he either helped pick them up or I took them away.
As for helping for shabbos, when he was younger I tried to pick something fun for us to do together, like go shopping or bake a cake. Sometimes it was actually more work for me to have him "help", but I wanted him to feel the statisfaction of having done something to make shabbos. Now that he's 12, he really is a huge help in the kitchen. Some weeks he does everything and I don't have to cook at all. So all those years of him making it harder for me have really paid off.
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chocolate moose
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 4:05 pm
Yes. Absolutely everyone helps in our house.
Even a guest, lol!
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amother
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 6:12 pm
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I dont think u should force your kids to help. they will resent it. especially at such a young age. it can be encouraged, and the kids who helped if they are praised will WANT to help more..... but a four year old is a baby and Imo shouldnt be forced to help!
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amother
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 6:13 pm
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im the above amother.... I forgot to mention..... u can ask a four year old..... why theres so much to do! would u like to do something to help out? and give chpoice if not oh well...... hje only 4~
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greenfire
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 6:17 pm
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You make it FUN and you make a chart so he could see his job(s)
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happymom
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Mon, Jan 29 2007, 7:47 pm
and let him PICk what he likes to do.....  .... but I agree, dont force it. hes only four!
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