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"Upgrade" on your wedding ring?
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yingsthings




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 10:59 pm
It's a very US-centric thing but I have to ask as it's come up several times with DH (he works for a large company with non-drums); would you consider or even ask for an "upgrade" on your wedding rings?

When we got married he bought me a very lovely set (1.25 carat diamond and a platinum band).

Now that he's doing better at work he wants to buy me something "bigger" in-line with what the rest of our friends are wearing.

Would you be comfortable with this?
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OOTforlife




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:07 pm
I wouldn't do it, but I've heard of it. I don't think there's anything objectively wrong with either way. Whatever makes you and your husband happy.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:08 pm
Personally, no. Conspicuous consumption (aka gashmiyus) isn't my style. If I had that much money to burn, I'd donate it to one of my kids' schools, engendering a more enduring and beautiful diamond.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:09 pm
It seems very strange to me.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:11 pm
Then it will not be your wedding/engagement ring.
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Happy18




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:13 pm
I know several people who have done this. I think most of them take their original center stone and have it set in a necklace or just have two rings.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:15 pm
I know personally it seems a strange concept for you to "accept a minimal value" band and then go and upgrade it. I know that technically (l'halacha) that you dont have to ever wear your wedding band but going and specifically upgrading feels wrong. I would only do it if DH did as a 2nd "propsal" of sorts--maybe 10th or other significant anniversary and thus attaching sentimental value of sorts. Or if original band got lost.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:20 pm
The only upgrade I would make to my engagement and wedding rings is to enlarge the band size because my ring size has changed.

Then again, when I was a kallah, DH's family offered me a ring that had been in the family for many years. I liked the idea, but the band was too tiny for my finger and the diamond was too big such that I could not envision walking around wearing it all the time. I got a ring with a smaller diamond that I felt more comfortable wearing, and the family ring was set aside for DH's younger brother.
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yingsthings




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 17 2013, 11:31 pm
Since he entertains clients frequently for work DH feels it's important to blend in w/the rest of his colleagues. We donate 15% of our income, help care for family members....etc


He has a "connection" in the industry and wants to do this for our 15th wedding anniversary as he gets a bonus in his current role--he considers this "found money".

How large of a center stone is too ostentatious?

Would you wear a 3 carat stone?
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black sheep




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 12:33 am
I would wear a diamond as large as I can comfortably carry without straining my hand. And although I wouldnt insult dh by asking for an upgrade, I wouldnt say no if he offered one either!
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 12:37 am
I'm happy with my rings but if I weren't then I'd get my diamond ring upgraded, my wedding band though I definitely wouldn't. The band is what is actually used at the chuppa and it's not just symbolic, without it you couldn't be married.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 12:41 am
yingsthings wrote:
Since he entertains clients frequently for work DH feels it's important to blend in w/the rest of his colleagues. We donate 15% of our income, help care for family members....etc


He has a "connection" in the industry and wants to do this for our 15th wedding anniversary as he gets a bonus in his current role--he considers this "found money".

How large of a center stone is too ostentatious?

Would you wear a 3 carat stone?


I would not wear larger than 2 ct.

(Not that I have to worry about that being an issue for me Smile )
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 12:46 am
Now that I think of it, it's really odd that your dh is being the one to suggest it being upgraded. It would be one thing if he knew you were unhappy with it but it sounds like he just wants to show off through you. I disagree with that.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 12:57 am
yingsthings wrote:
Since he entertains clients frequently for work DH feels it's important to blend in w/the rest of his colleagues. We donate 15% of our income, help care for family members....etc


He has a "connection" in the industry and wants to do this for our 15th wedding anniversary as he gets a bonus in his current role--he considers this "found money".

How large of a center stone is too ostentatious?

Would you wear a 3 carat stone?


It is silly that you feel you only qualify for an upgrade of you donate the requisit amount of money and you are doing it for a business purpose and can do it through a connection. I say do it to please yourself and your husband.

My ring from my first husband was a six carrot solitaire. It was not too large for me. Currently I wear a 2 3/4 carrot with and 2 1/2 carrot band. I wouldn't ask for an upgrade but like blacksheep says I wouldn't say no. My husband is not the type to do what your husband wants to do.

3 carrots is not vulgar. Try on different sizes and see what looks nice. Your husband is very sweet.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 1:06 am
MOST of the wealthier women in my community and in my family upgrade their rings, usu. around an event (anniversary, wedding, big birthday, etc)... cuz there's no way they got giant rocks like that when they were 20!

I totally get upgrading, even if it's a fake stone... who wants to wear a tiny diamond her whole life when all her friends have upgraded? Most ppl keep their original engagement rings in the safe anyway...
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 7:12 am
agreer wrote:
MOST of the wealthier women in my community and in my family upgrade their rings, usu. around an event (anniversary, wedding, big birthday, etc)... cuz there's no way they got giant rocks like that when they were 20!

I totally get upgrading, even if it's a fake stone... who wants to wear a tiny diamond her whole life when all her friends have upgraded? Most ppl keep their original engagement rings in the safe anyway...


I never heard of any of this.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 7:13 am
I dont wear any rings. But I can be empathic.

I think for SB, OP, you need to graciously accept this burden that your DH wants to place on you.

3 carrots sounds healthy. It'll probably even strengthen your muscles.
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Happy18




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 8:19 am
Merrymom wrote:
Now that I think of it, it's really odd that your dh is being the one to suggest it being upgraded. It would be one thing if he knew you were unhappy with it but it sounds like he just wants to show off through you. I disagree with that.


I may be shallow, but I don't think theres anything wrong with a husband wanting to buy his wife something beautiful. If in his mind he can buy his wife something stunning and be able to feel like he has an achieved a financial milestone I wouldn't take that away from him. Now if you personally feel like a larger diamond is inappropriate then get a bracelet, earrings, or necklace. Personally when it comes to diamonds I'd go with quality over size, so you can have a smaller stone that is actually worth a fortune.
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wiki




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 9:26 am
If you feel uncomfortable replacing your engagement ring, let him get you the upgrade and wear it on your right hand. You can pick a style that doesn't quite look like an engagement ring. The one person I know with an "upgrade" ring does that.

(And to me, such a gigantic stone looks gaudy and ostentatious and just screams, "Hey! Check it out! We became really wealthy at some point along the way and started feeling insecure about the old engagement ring!" but I don't really run in these circles. If it will make you guys feel more comfortable in the circles that you run in and you can afford it, go for it!)
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 18 2013, 9:45 am
Happy18 wrote:
Now if you personally feel like a larger diamond is inappropriate then get a bracelet, earrings, or necklace. Personally when it comes to diamonds I'd go with quality over size, so you can have a smaller stone that is actually worth a fortune.


I agree. I can trade in my diamond today for a lower quality six carat. No one would know the different in quality, but I would not feel comfortable wearing a ring that is so large it feels distasteful to me. I would aim for what others in your crowd wear.
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