Remembering Chaim Dovid A"H (of the chemo thread)

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> The Imamother Writing Club

1 2 3 4 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

the world's best mom

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 9:49 am

During the Shiva, we collected stories from people who came, and we wrote down many of our own memories of Chaim Dovid. As I type them up, I will post them here and anyone who knew him is welcome to add their own memories of him. I'll start with what I found most inspiring, which was last Sunday night:

Sunday night, at midnight:
Chaim Dovid had difficulty breathing. 12 doctors and nurses rushed to his room and said they could intubate him, and otherwise he has only a few hours left to live. After a frantic phone call to R’ Dovid Feinstein, the decision was made not to intubate.

The family gathered in the hospital room. Chaim Dovid asked us all for Mechila, and we asked him in return. We split up the whole Sefer Tehillim.

When we were finished the Tehillim, Chaim Dovid’s Rebbi (Rabbi Mendy Gelbwachs, of Yeshiva Noam HaTorah) arrived from Lakewood. They spoke for a while, and we don’t know what they said, except that Chaim Dovid said, “Hashem must have wanted me to do something that I didn’t do!” and his Rebbi comforted him that he apparently did finish his Tafkid in life and is ready for Gan Eden.

Then Chaim Dovid prepared to die. He removed all his bandaids and tape from his body, so that he wouldn’t have to be buried with them. He took off his watch and gave it to me. “Your husband gave this to me 2 years ago, when my old watch died in surgery. Do you think he wants it back?” I took it back.

He called over my little brother and said, “Did you give the check that I gave you to Tzedaka?”

“Yes,” my little brother replied.

“Good. Also, in Yeshiva, on the ledge in back of the Bais Medrash is a Gemara Yuma. Take it home. This Gemara belongs to Zaidy. Take it and give it back to him please.”

“Okay,” came the response.

Then he was ready. We davened at the earliest time allowed. Rabbi Gelbwachs held Chaim Dovid’s Siddur for him and said the words out loud while Chaim Dovid repeated after him. When Chaim Dovid would gasp for breath, they would stop for a moment, but then Chaim Dovid would motion to continue.

When they finished Shacharis, Rabbi Gelbwachs closed the Siddur. But Chaim Dovid wanted to say Hallel since it was Rosh Chodesh. He struggled through Hallel and then again, the Rebbi closed the Siddur. Chaim Dovid asked to daven Mussaf. Rabbi Gelbwachs answered, “You need to take a rest. I’m going to daven in the lounge, and when I come back, you can daven Mussaf.”

He left the room, and Chaim Dovid said, “Bring me my Siddur, quick!” And he finished davening. That was the last time he was able to put on Tefillin.

When someone asked him if he wants to sleep a little, he said, “No, I’ll die.”

We sat there all night, but nothing happened. Morning came and he said, “I wasn’t supposed to be here anymore.”

amother

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 1:15 pm

wow what an amazing person he was
I have tears reading this

robynm

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 1:23 pm

So sorry to hear about his passing.

May all your good deeds be an aliyah to his neshama!

gold21

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 1:41 pm

No memories of him as an adult. But whatever I do remember of him as a kid, I remember vividly.

I remember him and your little brother eating breakfast at the table in your bungalow.

I remember him looking sporty, carrying a bat, wearing a baseball cap, and stuff like that. He looked so cute.

I remember his bright smile and round face.

I remember his pleasant easygoing personality.

I remember that he always seemed to be happy.

I remember how your mother took care of him and your little brother, who were the 2 little ones at the time, with so much love.

I remember how your whole family looked out for your 2 little brothers. They never seemed to lack for love from their big sisters.

I am so so so very sorry for your loss. I know you all loved him so much.

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 1:57 pm

Baruch Dayan Emes. What is the name of his father. My chavrusa and I would like to do something in his merit.

the world's best mom

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 3:02 pm

Thanks Gold 21.

The name is Chaim Dovid Ben Yosef Pinchas.

gold21

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 3:18 pm

By the way, I'm sorry I didn't react to the story in your initial post.

I heard these details of Chaim Dovid's last days part from my mom and part from being at the Levaya.

I was incredibly moved by it, and I still am. I can't quite wrap my head around it, but I am very moved by it.

Very very sad and very very inspiring....

gp2.0

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 4:07 pm

Baruch Dayen Emes. This is heartbreaking. Crying

the world's best mom

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 4:21 pm

R' Dovid Feinstein came to visit Chaim Dovid on Rosh Chodesh Tamuz. He was paralyzed from the waist down and was home with a nurse and an aid. R' Dovid asked him how he was feeling and he smiled and said, "Boruch Hashem."

R' Dovid said, "Doesn't that smile ever leave your face?"

He gave him the Brachos from Birchas HaChodesh. Chaim Dovid spent most of the month at home. It was exactly a month later, on Rosh Chodesh Av, that they told us he had hours to live.

Striver

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 4:29 pm

Twbm, as I read these words I'm already doing something in his zchus: promising myself to live in a way that my death will resemble his. To fill my days with good deeds so I can look back after 120 and leave this world in peace. תנצבה

Simple1

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 6:09 pm

What you wrote is very powerful. You described a very special person. I'm so sorry for the loss.

amother

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 7:11 pm

I remember Chaim Dovid as very laid back, always with a smile on his face. And I say this not just how people typically say it after someone is niftar, but because with him it was true.

I remember how he always took care of his younger brother. He was always mature, even at a young age.

I don't remember ever hearing a mean word come out of his mouth. I honestly don't remember him ever getting upset. He was just so loving and so b'simcha.

May the knowledge that his neshama was pure and clean bring your family some nechama.

seeker

Wed, Jul 17 2013, 9:11 pm

I knew Chaim Dovid only as a sweet kid - and then young man. His beautiful middos and sweet personality were obvious. But the bigger picture told at the funeral and shiva were just unreal. You would think they were exaggerating except that the same ideas were corroborated by one story after another, and also I had a glimpse from your posts on The Chemo Thread - which you started off thinking it would be about chemo but ended up being The Strength and Emuna and Facing Mortality and Eternity Thread. But it was just unbelievable. On one hand he puts the rest of us to shame, and on the other hand it is inspiring just to be part of the same human species that could include such an incredible individual. I am just completely awed and humbled.

On another note, Chaim Dovid was indeed something very special but I don't want to overlook the role of you and your entire family in this story. He certainly did not develop these traits in a vacuum. The way you have all stood up to this tremendous ordeal with such strength and faith is something we should all aspire to. The experience of the person going through the illness himself and the experience of the "supporting actors" is very different; sometimes we find that the patient becomes all spiritual while the family is suffering in a different way - but your family showed incredible strength and love throughout the past few years. Hashem should give you all the strength you need to continue with the same positive energy even though you no longer have Chaim Dovid's care to take it out on (did the way I phrase that make any sense?!)

In conclusion, I know it's pitiful small comfort but anyway I want you to know that I have been using you as a role model in dealing with my own life challenges. B"H most of our challenges aren't as stark or as intense as dying of cancer C"V but we can still translate the same messages to cope with the stuff G-d deals out to us individually. I don't know if I can ever come near your level, but by having you to look up to I can see if I'm going in the right direction at least.

the world's best mom

Thu, Jul 18 2013, 12:17 am

Seeker, thank you for your heartfelt and inspiring post. While my siblings and I have all learned a lot from our parents, just as Chaim Dovid did, I wouldn't say we are quite on his level. I certainly am not.

We were looking through our photo albums from when my brothers were little, and there are so many pictures of Chaim Dovid feeding his baby brother a bottle, peeling vegetables, washing the floor, washing dishes and more. He always loved to help.

When he grew older, Chaim Dovid loved his nieces and nephews and they loved him. He loved to joke around with them.

My son, who has special needs, once broke my mother’s computer. She got a new one and didn’t allow any kids to touch it. My son loved to watch Uncle Moishy videos there, so Chaim Dovid taught him how to turn on the video- he said you put your thumb on your nose and wiggle your fingers. My son wiggles his fingers at my mother’s computer every time he wants to watch a video. That finger wiggle was their personal greeting to each other also.

When Chaim Dovid learned in Lakewood, he practically lived in his Rebbi’s house. (Not Rabbi Gelbwachs- a different Rebbi who has also become like a member of our family over the past couple of years.) He used to help his wife with the kids and do her shopping. Another boy in the Yeshiva, Mattis, lived next door to them, and he told us that Chaim Dovid used to do Mattis’s mother’s shopping also. When this Rebbi moved to a new house, Chaim Dovid did most of the shlepping.

When the Rebbie’s wife had a baby in middle of the night, she didn’t want to call Chaim Dovid and wake him up, but her husband said he just had to tell Chaim Dovid that he has a new baby brother.

One day, the Rebbie’s daughter, Raizy, was begging everyone to look at her stationery collection, but nobody was interested. Chaim Dovid finally sat down with her and looked through page after page of Hello Kitty. Finally, he finished, and said, “Very nice! But why is there a picture of a cat on each page?” (We believe he really did know who Hello Kitty was, from his nieces. That was a typical Chaim Dovid joke.)

seeker

Thu, Jul 18 2013, 12:23 am

What astounds me is how he seemed to have had time to do a zillion helpful things for everyone - people don't stop talking about how he was always the one you could count on, etc - and yet still obviously did not neglect his studies or ever miss a minyan. I mean, often the people you see being "handy" are the ones who are less intellectual/studious but here this was definitely not the case! Like I said, unbelievable. I guess he had to fit 120 years' worth of activity into a sixth of that time...

seeker

Thu, Jul 18 2013, 12:25 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Chaim Dovid finally sat down with her and looked through page after page of Hello Kitty. Finally, he finished, and said, “Very nice! But why is there a picture of a cat on each page?” (We believe he really did know who Hello Kitty was, from his nieces. That was a typical Chaim Dovid joke.)

I liked your post but I needed to repost this so I can like it again. LOL

the world's best mom

Thu, Jul 18 2013, 11:29 am

My sisters used to call Chaim Dovid “Dave the Slave”. He was always helping with our errands and kids and housework. When my sister gave birth on Erev Pesach, he cleaned her house for Pesach and did Bedikas Chametz for her.

At the Levaya, Rabbi Gelbwachs spoke and said that when Chaim Dovid was dorming in Yeshiva, he would see people who weren’t happy with their roommates, so he would switch rooms with them.

He took his Rebbie’s children to buy Purim costumes one year. His daughter wanted to be a Kallah that year, so Chaim Dovid went shopping for a Kallah costume for the little girl. He would do anything people asked him to do.

Someone drove to the country last summer with loads of packages, and had to shlep all the way from the driveway to her bungalow, which was pretty far. Chaim Dovid (and my husband) shlepped the packages for her.

When my nieces and nephews would come to my parents’ house, Chaim Dovid would give my 2 year old nephew cookies. When his mother would ask where he got a cookie from, Chaim Dovid coached him to say that his Tatty gave it to him. My sister figured them out pretty quickly.

When he was sick, he never missed Minyan unless he had to for Halachik or medical reasons. He wanted to go to Shule with the flu, but a neighbor told him he can't, because someone else may be on chemo also, and could catch the flu from him. He stayed home then.

A man in my neighborhood said, "Sometimes I would come to the Bais Medrash to learn, and I would be so tired, I would think maybe I should just go home and take a nap. Then I would see Chaim Dovid sitting there learning and I would say, 'If he can do it, I'm staying.'"

gold21

Mon, Jul 22 2013, 12:45 am

Really beautiful anecdotes.

I especially love the Hello Kitty joke and the title Dave the Slave!

the world's best mom

Mon, Jul 22 2013, 10:16 pm

My sister in Eretz Yisroel had a boy this morning (our time)- and he weighs the same as Chaim Dovid weighed at birth. My parents and my little brother plan to go there for the Bris. My sister went already yesterday and got to my sister's house there 5 minutes before she went into labor and left for the hospital. Brings back memories of when Chaim Dovid was born- though my sister has plenty of sons already (and one daughter).

September June

Mon, Jul 22 2013, 10:29 pm

A huge mazal tov to your sister and your entire family!

Your family should only share simchas from now on.

Thank you for sharing your memories of your brother. If sounds like he was someone who had arichus yamin even though he unfortunately did not have a long life.

Page 1 of 4

1 2 3 4 Next