Remembering Chaim Dovid A"H (of the chemo thread)

the world's best mom

Sun, Jul 28 2013, 11:27 pm

Rabbi Mendy Gelbachs put together a booklet with his memories of Chaim Dovid A"H in it. He wrote a lot, but I'll share some of his main points.

He writes that Chaim Dovid's favorite Chassadim to do were helping to take care of his nieces and nephews, and helping my mother cook. He did a lot of her cooking for Y"T.

When he was learning in the Mir and he started coughing, he didn't allow that to disrupt his learning. He only went to the doctor because his roommate asked him to- his coughing was keeping his roommate up at night.

When he was diagnosed with cancer, he was very concerned about the fact that he would cause so many people to be sad. That's why he didn't complain and he kept that smile on his face- so that we wouldn't be sad for him. He spoke to Rabbi Gelbwachs usually at least once a day, but never once did he complain about what he was going through.

Although he came home from E"Y for treatment, he continued learning in our neighborhood Yeshiva. He once told Rabbi Gelbwachs that he was about to leave the hospital after being an inpatient. Half an hour later, Rabbi Gelbwachs called him to see how his trip home went. Rabbi Gelbachs asked him, "It's very noisy there, where are you?"

Chaim Dovid responded, "In Yeshiva."

When he was in the hospital, the Frum doctors used to have a Minyan for Mincha. Chaim Dovid was the only patient who used to join their Minyan. He joked that for a few minutes a day, he felt like a doctor.

Before his hip replacement, he was on crutches with a broken femur and a crumbling pelvis. He still went to Shule and Yeshiva every day. when it got very bad, he finally started to allow people to drive him to Yeshiva. My younger brother once drove him and let him off right across the street from Yeshiva. Chaim Dovid got out of the car and said, "Hopefully I'll be able to make it all the way across the street." But he still went and he still didn't complain.

the world's best mom

Sun, Jul 28 2013, 11:46 pm

Last Succos, Chaim Dovid was in the hospital with fever, but he was still Makpid to go up to the 15th floor with his iv pole and eat in the Succah.

My sister and bil bought him a spray bottle with a fan attached a couple of months ago. He was very excited about it, because he could use it to spray his face while he davened so that he could stay awake to finish davening.

After his hip replacement, Chaim Dovid only wanted to learn how to walk again. He was so desparate to get into rehab that he pushed himself to walk a full lap around his floor in the hospital, though he was in great pain and needed many rests in the middle.

He got to rehab on a Friday. On Shabbos, his legs became paralyzed. He texted Rabbi Gelbwachs after Shabbos, saying, "Legs numb and I can't stand." They found the tumor on his spine and discussed whether they could operate or do radiation. They finally decided to do radiation, and he was happy that he would have a chance to learn to walk again.

When they took him for the pre-radiation whatever, Rabbi Gelbwachs and I were with him. The doctor came and said, "I feel it's only fair to tell you before we do this that the chances of it reversing the numbness and paralysis is about zero. There's a pretty big chance that it will actually damage to spinal cord, but that would cause numbness and paralysis from the waist down, and you have that already, so we feel it's worth the risk."
'
He asked if Chaim Dovid had any questions, and Chaim dovid just said, "No, I understand." No reaction to this devastating news, though I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open. So the doctor repeated himself to make sure Chaim Dovid understood, but still, there was no reaction. The doctor left and Chaim Dovid continued talking to his Rebbi about the events of the past few days. And that was how he lost his last hope to ever move his legs again.

After that, Rabbi Gelbachs went to E"Y. While he was there, Chaim Dovid found out that the chemo pill he was on wasn't helping, so they took him off his last hope for cure. He didn't tell Rabbi Gelbwachs, though, because he didn't want to spoil his Rebbi's vacation.

Then he was sent home, to home hospice. He couldn't get out of bed. He sang Zemiros very loudly on Shabbos, so that he could be heard from the dining room.

the world's best mom

Mon, Sep 16 2013, 10:28 am

This is a letter that someone sent Chaim Dovid before his Petira. Unfortunately, he never got to see it. My family noticed it, unopened, on the day of the Shloshim. My sister called the writer of the letter to tell him that Chaim Dovid didn't get to see it. I found it very inspiring. It's amazing how going to daven can make such an impression on a total stranger.

Dear Chaim Dovid,

I am writing to you though I’m not sure you remember me, but I definitely remember you. It was a few months ago on the morning of Shabbos Parshas Tetzaveh-Zachor on the 17th floor of Memorial Hospital. My mother, my brother and I were there with my father who was then battling for his life. We decided to gather everyone together and make this Minyan on Shabbos. With Hashem’s help we succeeded in getting exactly ten men to comprise the Minyan. Each and every one of these people were either facing difficult life challenges themselves or with their loved ones. Each one of the ten was essential in forming the Minyan- most significantly for Zachor.

Among these amazing Yidden, there was one man who who struck me from the moment I saw him. My father pointed out to me, “Look at that Bachur, he must be having such a hard time, and not only did he toil to come to the Minyan (punctually), he also had the dtermination to don his Shabbos suit and hat.” I was also taken by his deep and precious personality that could not have gone unnoticed. I had the privilege to read the Torah, (I had never done a whole Parsha, and had not prepared, but I drew the courage to jump in from that young man sitting quietly at the side). I asked that he should get Shlishi, and he was called up Chaim Dovid Ben… Chaim Dovid, this was the first time I met you. The second time was the following evening when my brother read the Megilla.

I asked then for your full name, and since then “Chaim Dovid Ben Necha” is part of my Tefilos, part of my day, part of me.

I made a deal with you that you should keep my contact information, and when with Hashem’s help you get married, I will make every effort to attend I”YH. Chaim Dovid, the deal is still on. I am aware that you are going through trying times, and my heart is totally with you. I am confident that your determination and pure Emunah will prevail, and B’Ezras Hashem you will come through all your challenges like a hero.

My father told me that he felt it was worthwhile for him to go through his whole ordeal just to be able to make this Minyan and give you that bit of Chizuk. My father during his hardest days, was always willing to suffer more if he could help another Yid. During the three weeks following that Shabbos, my father asked us several times to call you and find out how you were doing. Unfortunately, my father is no longer with us, but I can still see him inquiring about you.

On June 20, I will IY”H be marrying off my oldest daughter. I did not have your address, but was determined to get hold of it. I feel too close not to have you join in my Simcha- if it is in any way possible. It would mean the world to me to have you there and to dance with you. My father A”H will be there from Gan Eden, and he will surely want to see you at his granddaughter’s wedding.

Also, tell your sisters (who were also there that Shabbos) that it would be our honor to greet all of you at our Simcha, (my mother would be thrilled to see them).

Chaim Dovid, please be strong- as only you know how to be. I insist that our deal goes through!

With all my love and prayers,
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the world's best mom

Sun, Nov 10 2013, 10:29 pm

Tonight was the MTJ dinner. In the journal was this ad, written by the Mashgiach:

In memory of Habachur HaYakar V’HaNechmad Dovid A”H
A beloved Talmid of the Yeshiva.
An outstanding young Ben Torah,
He faced his painful illness with
Emunah and courage that belied his age.
His dedication to and diligence in Torah learning
As he underwent tortuous treatments
Were a marvel to behold.
Our sages comment, Ra’isi B’nei Aliyah V’Hem Muatim.
I have seen people in spiritual ascent and they are but a few.
Dovid was certainly among the B’nei Aliyah of our generation.

May his mother, our beloved teacher, his father,
And his siblings be comforted
B’Soch Sha’ar Aveilei Tzion V’Yerushalayim.
Y’hi Zichro Baruch.