everything is a fight with my 3 yr old

yo'ma

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 7:47 am

When I say everything, I mean everything and he was such a good 2 year old. I've never had a kid like this before. I've had my children saying no and being defiant, but EVERYTHING is a fight with this one. The only way it's not is if I threaten him. Now, I've been threatening him that he won't go with my on the airplane. I only do it when push comes to shove because it's an empty threat. I don't know what I'll threaten him after our trip Rolling Eyes

. Help please!! Any tips?

chocolate chips

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 9:02 am

I am dealing with this with my 2 year old, problem for me is that he doesn't even get threats...he is still too young and then he anyway ends up getting them.
Like we were out and he wouldn't eat supper so I told him no dessert except then my fil came and fed him his ice cream!!!

So stubborn they are!

greenhelm

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 10:31 am

If you figure it out, let me know! My 3 year old quite argumentative these days, though it is getting better. I think (for my little guy, anyway) that it's mostly a developmental thing. When I can, I try to give him choices over small things so he feels he has some control. Best of luck!

amother

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 11:21 am

I have a rigid three year old. I do social stories with him (not necessarily at the time of the upset).

For example, I tell the story of Shimmy (use a different name than my ds for the story), who didn't like to let his Ima do up his seat belt. Ds is usually interested in the story.
In the end Shimmy pulls through, and I always use the "can be okay" sentence: "and when Shimmy let his mommy do up his seatbelt, he saw that he can be okay!".

Sometimes I'll even make stick figure drawings.

amother

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 11:26 am

superjew

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 11:34 am

No advice really on what to do, but empty threats definitely don't help because besides for threatening not being helpful, an empty one is even worse and counter productive because he sees you don't even do what you say. (my dad was that way and I knew till adulthood I'd get away with anything because his words meant nothing, and in addition I didn't trust his positive words either because like I said, his words became nothing)

Good Luck!

yo'ma

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 1:33 pm

superjew wrote:

I only threaten him for him to do and guess what, he does it, so the threat won't pan out. Besides it's not for another two weeks and he won't remember he was threatened with it. Wink

Miri1

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 2:17 pm

Try it this way:

"When you've come down from the table you can have your ice pop."

(positive conditional)

Rather than:

"[b]If you don't come down from the table, you won't get an ice pop"
(negative threat)

chocolate chips

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 5:20 pm

Miri1 wrote:

THIS!

I try so hard, it really is hard to remember when you are getting frustrated with a stubborn toddler but it is really a better way to say it.

yo'ma

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 6:51 pm

Miri1 wrote:

What about when it's time for bed or time to get dressed, etc..?

Miri1

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 8:28 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

What about when it's time for bed or time to get dressed, etc..?

"When you're lying down with head on pillow, I'll read you Curious George"

"When you've finished getting dressed you can have some yummy breakfast (insert the most attractive breakfast food...)"

saw50st8

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 8:36 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

What about when it's time for bed or time to get dressed, etc..?

With getting dressed, no food is served in our house until you are dressed and ready. If you aren't dressed when its time to go, you leave in your pajamas.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 8:49 pm

Excellent advice here! I had a very difficult 3-4 yo, and I swear it's a miracle we're both alive.

Choices! Kids that age are desperate to feel in control of something in their lives. "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" For bedtime, ask him to pick out which book he wants you to read. If he goes nicely, reward him with two books.

Instead of saying "No", say "let's do ___ instead" or "let's make a different choice."

Threats NEVER worked on DD, and neither did a potch. You have to find out what your child DOES want, not what they DON'T want. Motivate him towards something, not from a negative.

Give lots of praise for what he does right, and repeat to him what exactly it was that he did. Instead of saying "I'm proud of you", say "Wow, you did such a great job getting your pajamas on. When you cooperate you make your Ima so happy!"

I'm sure I'll think of more later. It's all about the coping strategies!