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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Advice please! I'm late, but too late?



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Love this site




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 10:56 am
My next door neighbors son finally got engaged at age 35. She calls to invite me to the Vort which I couldn't make because my sister got married the following night. I had in mind to send her a nice flower arrangement for shabbos thereafter...but forgot. What is the right thing for me to go now?
I am desperate to do the right thing here because neighbors are...for a while! Besides, we are loud and sometimes messy and don't respect the property line as much as we should (why DO our garbage cans keep magically landing in front of her house?!)
I'd rather overdo it (gift) than underdo it (meeting her and apologizing).
Any ideas?
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myself




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:03 am
It's not too late to give a gift unless they already married more than a month ago.
Buy something nice and apologise for your absence at the vort.
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Love this site




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:06 am
They got engaged 3 weeks ago, no idea when wedding will be. Should I wait for wedding or give gift now? If yes, what? How?
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BetsyTacy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:12 am
Can't help you with gift ideas, but an engagement present anytime during the engagement period is entirely acceptable and appreciated! If she is the type to have registered somewhere, perhaps something off of her registery?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:18 am
now wouldn't it be FUN if guys made the equivalent of a bridal shower ?

so how would it go ...

how about just sending a present along with a note stating whilst you missed out on the vort you didn't want to miss out on sharing the simcha ...
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:21 am
send her over a meal or some cakes around the time of the wedding. Its always hectic then and food would be appreciated.

Plus a wedding gift assuming you are invited to the wedding. Smile
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:23 am
Please stop procrastinating! Send her a beautiful bouquet of flowers for this coming Shabbos. Explain that you were very busy with your sister's wedding, you just couldn't do it any sooner. Let her know how happy you are for her son, and that you look forward to sharing many more simchos with her in the years ahead. And stop procrastinating! Order the flowers now, or a beautiful expensive box of chocolate. You know her better than I do, and you know what she'd appreciate more. It's nice to have nice neighbors...
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:25 am
Send a small gift (maybe about $20) now and a larger gift ($75-200, depending on your personal budget) by the wedding.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 17 2013, 11:48 am
It's never too late to give a gift--even if the couple already got married. In fact, a gift that comes late is sometimes appreciated all the more because a. it's not "lost" among a mountain of other gifts* and b. the couple feels that the fun and excitement of the parade of gifts is over, when--behold! another one extends that fun period. Not that I advocate sending gifts late, but it's not so awful if you do.

*which do you appreciate more: one chocolate bonbon when you've already had half a dozen, or one chocolate bonbon found a week later in a box you thought was empty?
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 11:44 am
amother wrote:
Please stop procrastinating! Send her a beautiful bouquet of flowers for this coming Shabbos. Explain that you were very busy with your sister's wedding, you just couldn't do it any sooner. Let her know how happy you are for her son, and that you look forward to sharing many more simchos with her in the years ahead. And stop procrastinating! Order the flowers now, or a beautiful expensive box of chocolate. You know her better than I do, and you know what she'd appreciate more. It's nice to have nice neighbors...

I agree! don't wait. there is no right and wrong time to show you care. the sooner the better so she won't have time to think about why you haven't participated in the simcha yet...
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 12:13 pm
personally I would send a wedding gift once you get your invitation (or drop it off) and send a platter for the aufruf.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 12:20 pm
Love this site wrote:
My next door neighbors son finally got engaged at age 35. She calls to invite me to the Vort which I couldn't make because my sister got married the following night. I had in mind to send her a nice flower arrangement for shabbos thereafter...but forgot. What is the right thing for me to go now?
I am desperate to do the right thing here because neighbors are...for a while! Besides, we are loud and sometimes messy and don't respect the property line as much as we should (why DO our garbage cans keep magically landing in front of her house?!)
I'd rather overdo it (gift) than underdo it (meeting her and apologizing).
Any ideas?


Mazel tov all around.

Knock on her door. Tell her how thrilled you are for her, how sorry you are that you missed to vort. Invite her for coffee and tell her that you want to hear all about it ... and mean it!

If you want to give a gift, I'd suggest a token one (much like flowers would be). What about a small album where they can put photos from the vort?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 12:27 pm
amother wrote:
Please stop procrastinating! Send her a beautiful bouquet of flowers for this coming Shabbos. Explain that you were very busy with your sister's wedding, you just couldn't do it any sooner. Let her know how happy you are for her son, and that you look forward to sharing many more simchos with her in the years ahead. And stop procrastinating! Order the flowers now, or a beautiful expensive box of chocolate. You know her better than I do, and you know what she'd appreciate more. It's nice to have nice neighbors...


who are the flowers for ? are we celebrating the new chosson or his kallah or his mother ?
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boro parker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 12:48 pm
I got a late gift with such a card attached:
You probably got lots of flowers and gifts at the engagement. But what about after? When the balloons have withered and the cake has crumbled? Who’s thinking of you then? Who’s looking out for you when the spotlight’s off? I am, that’s who. Me.
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 12:49 pm
IMO its never too late to send a gift, but maybe late on the flowers.
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CatLady




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2013, 1:18 pm
According to mainstream etiquette, you have a year after the date of the wedding to send a gift. So you are certainly within the "statute of limitations" if you send something now. Mazal tovs all around, and may we all be faced with the problem of too many simchas!
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