My daughter won’t do a thing!

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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withhumor

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 2:31 pm

My daughter won’t do a thing! she insists on sitting and staring into space, instead of peeling off the stickers from the new crystal! She’s pushing me to the limit, I’m trying to give her creative and interesting jobs…! I=out of all things, the only one that appealed to her today is to rip 11 hems, so they can be fixed for yom tov!

I’m feeling guilty because I pretty much FORCED her to go the pizza store with my 2 other kids now, just by the corner (with my cell phone!). she like, put up this whole drama act, as usual. But this time, I sort of cracked.

I don’t know how much longer I can watch her defy me and keep saying, no , I don’t want to when everyone around me is asking, what else can I do! She’s 9.

happymom

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:19 pm

do u think trying a more positive approach can help? for example sit down with her ask her if something is bothering her...... or what it is about helping that she doesnt like and come up with some ideas together. like maybe have a list of what has to be done and let her choose. praise yher alot and tell her how much of a help it is. also have incentives so she doesnt feel like yoru focring her. like 20 minutes of helping, and then something fun she can do for herself... etc

Last edited by happymom on Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

withhumor

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:23 pm

I sent her out with a $100 bill to get change. I plan to praise my brains out of her…

lotte

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:38 pm

I must admit when I saw the topic I was sure it's greenfire...
LOL

MyKidsRQte

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:39 pm

I would love to hear evryones response, I have an 11 year old with her nose in a book and doesnt do anything

greenfire

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:46 pm

teneleven wrote:

I must admit when I saw the topic I was sure it's greenfire...
LOL

thanks ... but I already posted earlier ... and well ... mine just do whatever the h#ll they want ...

rainbow

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:50 pm

When my kids want to letsay play a game, go ride their bike, invite a neighbor to play, or any enjoyable activity, I say to them, ''Sure, just as soon as you've done your chores.'' Firmly and with a smile. I've explained to my children that I am only one person and it takes a few people to keep a home going...Therefore they have chores. And just as soon as their chores are done they are free to go play.
Now before Pesach I write up a list of each day's chores every morning.
Today I got them some yummy pesach'digeh cakes and when they asked for it I said they can have it just as soon as they clean up the mess they just made.
If I didn't have this system in place I don't know what else would motivate them to do their share of housework.

amother

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:52 pm

Sometimes I get so mad at my dd I wanna shake her, but then I think was I any better? definitely not I was the same brat did whatever I pleased and really didnt want any responsobility. I think my mother secretly cursed me to have a dd behave the same way I did.

withhumor

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 4:57 pm

Amother above, did I just write that…? But still, when you ask her for a tissue because someone’s head just split open, she will take her time, then not find a tissue box, then go look for one in the wrong place… you could plotz eighty times.

amother

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 5:10 pm

maybe she knows u feel that way and she feels she gets attention that way. try finding the little things she does and praise. it really might help.

TzenaRena

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 5:23 pm

withhumor, are our dd's related, maybe twins three years apart? Tongue Out

amother

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 5:46 pm

Maybe she resents all the time you are spending on Imamother.

amother

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 5:52 pm

I sent my 11 yr. old dd to help out my sisters, mother, etc. Much better than getting on my nerves doing nothing besides kvetching and asking for food.

greenfire

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 7:13 pm

my mother always wished that when s/o got on her nerves ... I wish you a kid just like you ... so my sister had a kid and laughed 16 years later when she realized that the joke was on M cause she had to take care of the baby ... so careful what you wish ...

withhumor

Wed, Mar 28 2007, 7:54 pm

I dream at night and wish myself to have children smarter, better, and happier than me. I wish them everything that they are times 3, for the good! After growing up in an environment like you described, greenf, it is exactly what I want to stay very far away from.

shopaholic

Thu, Mar 29 2007, 8:20 am

I dunno. Every year when I asked my mother how I could help she said, Watch the kids". Yuck. I hated that, but it was life until the kids got older & I could help in the kitchen. I hope my kids will help me without too much of a fuss when they are older.

chocolate moose

Thu, Mar 29 2007, 9:08 am

I think it was easier when the kids were really little!

btMOMtoFFBs

Thu, Mar 29 2007, 10:10 am

withhumor, I don't have kids that old yet, so I'm not speaking from experience. However, isn't refusing to help developmentally normal behavior for a 9 year old? B"H you have a normal kid!

Accepting that can make it less frustrating to put up with.

Of course your goal is to teach her to help when asked and be pleasant about it. But don't be too terribly frustrated that she won't. Just keep davening, seeking advice and being creative to come up with ways to instill an interest in helping you out!

I'm sure you're a super mom, you can for sure deal with this!

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