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lotte




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 07 2007, 8:58 pm
Marriages tend to be happier when men earn more.

Do you agree?
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dr pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 07 2007, 9:06 pm
there were a few times in our marriage that I earned more than dh. I think it emasculated him. he definitely seemed like he felt a little worthless during those times, was more prone to feeling depressed, etc.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Apr 07 2007, 11:09 pm
For many years I've earned more than twice what my husband does. He has no problem at all with it; in fact, he always tells me "Sweetheart, you just go right out and make all the money you want!"
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 3:41 am
I think marriages tend to be happier when there is ENOUGH money (to cover bills and a little extra for fun) regardless of who earns it.
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 4:40 am
Hmmm..what about a collel situation...???
Do you think men still feel threatened even though their wives are earning money so they can learn??
Or do you think most guys in collel are on a high enough level to focus on the holy goal of the parnass, regardless that their wife is making it (question for anybody?)

My own feeling is that, unless a man is 100% into his learning, he might feel uneasy. That's just the way the yetzer hara works.
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 4:50 am
I think many kollel guys are quite happy kvetching a benkel while their wifes go out in the real world and earn a parnasa. Many guys today are just looking for the easy road. That is why most yeshiva boys want to marry rich, so that they don't have to go out into the real wold and worry about earning a living.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 5:19 am
yes and they are approved for their lazyness in the guise of learning ...

I should think in general like brooklyn above said ... if there is enough money for the important things and extra for FUN ... who cares where it comes from ... but most men do have a bigger ego need ... and that only includes the guys who are actually working
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 7:53 am
Have to agree with Brooklyn.....

It is true that money problems cause shalom bayis problems. I think a man who feels threatened because his wife earns (more) money has self esteem problems. I also think a guy who makes his wife work while he is in kollel doesn't really respect himself or his wife, UNLESS he is really learning,not "learning" if you see what I mean. If he is cut for that, passionate about it and gifted, good. But few men really are.
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withhumor




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 8:03 am
In Lakewood it is now muttar to marry multiple women, so that they can all support the husband while he learns…

Okay jokes aside, I always think of this analogy. Think back to high school, how many classmates were serious about school? How many were good studios girls? 4? 9? That’s the most. So in each class of boys, every girls wants a ‘learner’ do you really think there are enough of the real ones to go around? For sure not! So we’re stuck with a bunch of coffee-drinking cigarette-smoking welfare-scheming ‘learners’ who drain their wives dry and fight tooth and nail to retain their dignity too while they’re at it!

You guessed it, I specifically asked my mother for NOT a kollel guy.


Last edited by withhumor on Sun, Apr 08 2007, 8:07 am; edited 1 time in total
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 8:06 am
thanks for the laugh withhumor ... you're probably not too far off ...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 8:27 am
withhumor wrote:
In Lakewood it is now muttar to marry multiple women, so that they can all support the husband while he learns…

Okay jokes aside, I always think of this analogy. Think back to high school, how many classmates were serious about school? How many were good studios girls? 4? 9? That’s the most. So in each class of boys, every girls wants a ‘learner’ do you really think there are enough of the real ones to go around? For sure not! So we’re stuck with a bunch of coffee-drinking cigarette-smoking welfare-scheming ‘learners’ who drain their wives dry and fight tooth and nail to retain their dignity too while they’re at it!

You guessed it, I specifically asked my mother for NOT a kollel guy.


lol!
I also didn't want a kollel guy unless he had enough money to support the family anyway. A real learner would have been tempting but I knew I wasn't strong enough to work and raise a large family - so no. I think dh could have been one, but he thinks it is more important to support the family, b'h we agreed on that from the start.

I happen to think not being serious about kollel is worse than school, because school is not something holy while learning in kollel is/should be.
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withhumor




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 10:02 am
Yes but it’s 10 times harder than learning in school. Not everyone is cut out for it and one isn’t and deceives his family and in laws and children, that is a major sin in my eyes. In fact I feel zero guilt for failing some tests in school…
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 10:09 am
withhumor wrote:
Not everyone is cut out for it and one isn’t and deceives his family and in laws and children, that is a major sin in my eyes. In fact I feel zero guilt for failing some tests in school…


DITTO
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ny21




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 12:56 pm
teneleven wrote:
Marriages tend to be happier when men earn more.

Do you agree?


YES ! deffinetly! LOL
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 08 2007, 1:02 pm
My father always said "Richer or poorer, it's better to have money"..... and I don't think he meant the burdon of untold wealth, I think he meant enough to pay bills and then some!
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withhumor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 10 2007, 7:15 pm
Don’t we all want just enough money to pay the bills. But then when the bill are nicely paid every month, we suddenly suffer to the desires of the ‘upgrades’. The extra bedroom house, the bigger car, the country club, the art classes… of course I’m talking more a secular lifestyle but us yidden, we’re not so different. As soon as there’s an extra dime, we’re suddenly thinking of tipping Menachems’ Rebbe, and giving Yenty those 10 lessons at the ballet class she begged before her birthday… this is our life and we should enjoy the benefits that we have over the non jews, no matter how broke we go, we at leas invested in having children, we are leaving wonderful doros of nachas, you can’t top that with a McMansion!
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